I’m done. And I hate saying that. I hate giving up on someone who gave me so much to look forward to. I hate giving up on someone who made me so happy most of the time. Most of the time being the keywords there.
But I was holding onto and chasing after something that might not even have been there in the first place.
I hate thinking if I gave it one more shot or tried a little harder just maybe it would have worked out.
But it wasn’t me that needed to try harder. And that’s what I’ll keep reminding myself.
I’m done trying so hard for someone who makes me feel like I’m the one not good enough for you.
I’m done sending every first text and keeping a conversation going.
You were polite but I didn’t need that, I needed honesty.
But it was never me you were unsure of, it was yourself.
I’m done trying so hard for someone who I’ve built up in my head to be greater than they are.
But from the bottom of my heart, I really did believe you were everything.
And while I wouldn’t have changed a thing about you, it kind of felt like I had to change who I was, to even consider being noticed by you.
And I tried. I couldn’t have tried harder for someone.
I don’t know what more I could have done. I don’t know what kinder words I could have said.
But I’m tired. I’m hurt. I’m out of ideas of how to win you over.
If you have to try that hard they probably aren’t worth it. But I wanted you to be.
I didn’t want to look back the months and consider them wasted.
I’m done trying to defend you when my friends say I’m wasting my time. Because I didn’t want them to be right about you. Because I really did think you were different.
I’m done going out of my way to see you or try and make you happy.
I’m done staring at a phone wondering when you’ll answer.
I’m done playing some game I didn’t sign up for and every time I learned the rules you simply put the game on pause.
I’m done feeling like some option when all I’ve ever done is make you a priority.
But the truth is I’ve never stopped believing in you. I’ve never stopped trying. I’ve built you up in moments where I was drowning under the surface and you didn’t even think to ask how I was doing. I’m done having every conversation about you. I’m done putting you before myself.
And maybe this is on me. You didn’t ask for this and I didn’t intend for any of this to escalate as much as it did. But that’s relationships, you fall without intending to even if you know the person won’t catch you.
But I’m done trying. Because there isn’t anyone I tried harder for. There wasn’t anyone I tried to make happier.
The truth is I couldn’t fill whatever void you needed me to. I couldn’t be the person you needed me to be. But I tried. I tried so hard to be everything I could for you. But even my best wasn’t enough.
And that’s the hardest thing in the entire world, your best not being good enough for someone. And you thinking you were to blame.
It’s looking at your reflection and not fixating upon flaws. But when the only person you care about is the one you can’t get, you don’t look at them. You look at yourself like it’s everything you’ve done wrong. And you want to try harder. You want to do more. You think one day you’ll prove you deserve them.
And I’m not one to quit. But I think walking away even if it hurts will lead us to the things we both deserve. And I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for you.