Every person has a love language that works best for them. And we have to be aware of this because it can contribute a drastic improvement to our relationships in any aspect.
As for romantic relationships, this works really well since we are committed (or about to commit) to a person who may have the personality that’s totally different from or same with ours. Part of it is their love language. We can’t say we know them very well or committed enough with them if we never bother to know their love language. And so once we discover it, here are the do’s and dont’s of falling and staying in love with them based on that love language:
Words Of Affirmation
1) Give them the verbal signs that you have plans for your relationship.
Talk about it when you’re having dinner, when you’re watching movies, when you’re both doing a house chore, when you’re having coffee or (especially) when you’re about to sleep where you can talk about your visions for your relationship. They need to know that you have a long-term plan for the both of you. They need to know through your words that you are really committed to them.
2) Text them your thoughts about them whenever you’re apart.
Whenever you’re at work, on a family vacation, at the mall, or even when you’re just at home without them around. They need the assurance that they’re always in your mind. This may sound you’re in a high-maintenance relationship but you have to understand this is somehow a need for them.
3) Indulge them with compliments.
Tell them how good they smell, how cute they look while sleeping, how well they carry styles, or how delicious their cookings are. Tell them everything that makes them forget about their imperfections. Or, much better, make them fall in love with their imperfections by accepting them. You can point out their flaws, but tell them they really don’t matter.
Give them support for their endeavors in life by saying things like go for it whenever they talk about their dreams. Positivity from their partner gives them the sense of a good, long-term relationship.
1) Be afraid of giving them reassurance.
Sometimes they just long to hear pieces of reassurance from you, even small ones like no one can replace you or you don’t have to worry or even that random I’m always thinking about your text. No matter how long you’ve been together, a reassurance will always put a big smile on their face.
2) Allow a few minutes of dead-air.
This will make them think you’re not interested in them or you don’t like being with them. Communication is a major signal that someone is really into them.
3) Tell them the sentence “We never know what can happen”.
They hate uncertainties. They consider this a red flag, considering you’re not really after a lifetime relationship with them. Of course you never really know what the future holds, but they need to see you can make a way for everything. Never tell them words that denote uncertainty.
Respond to them in short, scanty messages. If you feel like they want to talk with you whether virtually or personally, please exert energy. Exert enthusiasm. Dig deeper into that conversation. Don’t let them be the only one who’s carrying it.
Acts Of Service
1) Always ask them what you can do as help.
Even if they don’t really need it or if they tell you it’s okay, they already appreciate your willingness.
2) Some little things for them, just because.
It can be making them a cup of coffee with a toast, going to the grocery store with or for them, doing a house chore if you’re living together, bringing them a simple present when you get home or when you see each other or preparing a good meal for them to enjoy a workout. Simple services can make them really happy and they won’t forget it.
3) Show thoughtful gestures.
Open the door for them (even if you’re a lady, you can do this at times especially if he is carrying things). Wait for them at mealtimes. Fetch them from work. Fix a loose button on their coat. Massage their back. Whatever action that confirms you are thinking about them, don’t hesitate to do it.
Show kind gestures to their family as well. Give them presents, too. Attend occasions where you’re invited. Show up or set a date of visit with respect. Let your person know you’re glad to be part of the family.
1) Just stare at them when they’re doing something.
When they’re cooking, vacuuming, or when they’re figuring things out like in dealing with a phone issue, opening a locked pump bottle, or in fixing things. Help them out. They would always love your mediation.
2) Delay when they have asked help from you already in any manner.
Don’t make them think you’re not willing to assist them. Respond as quickly as possible.
3) Break promises. You have to act on whatever you’ve told them.
Hesitate to show big efforts like organizing a surprise party for their birthday or your anniversary, traveling miles if you’re in a long distance relationship, or even lending them an amount of money if you know they don’t have enough or if they’re starting to find a new job. This does not need to happen very often, but with this love language, rest assured they will return the favor.
1) Surprise them with simple objects that represent your love.
Nope, it doesn’t need to be expensive; in fact, you don’t even need to spend anything sometimes. You can pick a beautiful flower outside to give it to them. You can write a short poetry and slip it into your fridge magnets. You can even give them a printed selfie with a note on the back. Funny, yes? But I’m sure they’ll cherish it.
2) Ask them if they want something when you’re at the mall or a grocery store.
People with this love language aren’t really materialistically demanding, but they find it sweet if you let them know you’re willing to give them something they wish for. Even the attention to whatever interests them is enough.
3) Reward them for their success and appease their sadness in every plight they encounter.
Again, you don’t have to go beyond your means. Believe me, a bar of Snickers with the note congratulations or cheer up is enough for them to feel your love.
1) Give them false hopes.
Whatever you said you’ll be giving them, give it. Because they have already attached a symbolism of your love on it.
2) Fail to give something on special occasions like on their birthday.
You can cook for them. Write a simple card. Treat them with an ice cream or in a spa. Whatever you can give or do for them as present counts as a representation of your love.
3) Let them be the only one to pay for everything, on every date.
The give-and-take principle works best for them.
4) Make them feel they don’t deserve what they want or tell them they don’t really need it.
If they say they want to buy an iPhone X, a Chanel bag, or any high-end product, don’t dissuade them. Be happy if they get to buy the luxury they worked hard for. It’s a gift for themselves and hence an act of self-love.
1) Spend time with them despite any situation.
Even if there’s a great distance in between, you can have that quality time on video calls or typical texting. Ask them how their day went, how yours went, ask them their current thoughts or any ideas you can talk about. Tell them how much you miss them, and tell them how you’re going to make a way to be with them.
2) Make plans for the weekends or rest days.
Schedule a dinner date, a jog together, a hike or whatever means for you to spend time with each other. Even when you just decide to stay at home, you can always make it enjoyable and memorable.
3) Give them your full attention.
Especially if you don’t always get to spend time with each other, please try to avoid preoccupation on your phone, video games, or anything that can divide your attention. Devote your time to each other and free yourselves from any distraction. Laugh with each other. Do silly things together.
4) Join communities where you can both enjoy.
Even if it involves a bunch of people, being together in an organization can help you thrive and talk about things you both understand. If you both write, do art, love animals, then you can try engaging in certain activities that can add fun to your quality time.
1) Ever give excuses.
Don’t tell them you’re busy that’s why you were not able to answer their text. Don’t tell them you can’t make it to your date because something went your way. MAKE A WAY. Make a way to get in touch with them, to adhere to your plans, to see them.
2) Allot the whole day for something other than them.
Even if you’re on a vacation with your family or friends, always give them updates. Call them. Send them pictures and tell them you wish they were there.
3) Let them watch a movie alone.
Even if it’s a genre you do not fan of, try to accompany them. Learn to be happy with whatever makes them happy. You’ll see, they will really appreciate it.
4) Make them feel you can be a lot happier with anyone or anything.
This is a veritable pain to them.
1) Embrace them often—purposefully. Give them that warm hug like you miss them even if you’re always together.
2) Gently touch them whenever you’re talking with them. It will give them the feeling of affection. You can play with their hair, hold them on the shoulder, or any other way to caress them.
3) Lean on them and let them lean on you. Maybe while you’re watching the TV, while you’re in the taxi, or just sitting beside each other in a quiet moment imbibing each other’s presence.
4) Hold their hands in public, draw them closer in a busy street like you’re afraid to lose them on the way. Sometimes they’ll intentionally leave a little space from you while walking because they want to see if you’re going to pull them close to you.
5) Always have the time to cuddle, tickle each other, surprise them with a kiss, do a nose rub. People whose love language is physical touch are normally clingy and they tend to acquire anxiety when they don’t get physically in touch with their partner even for a short period of time.
1) Touch or caress them just after they’ve taken a bath or just before making love.
It means you’re only taking advantage of them. Do them as a habit, but with sweet intention.
2) Stress on their physical flaws.
They already know if their skin is bumpy, if they are too skinny or thick, if they smell quite different, or if they’re sweaty. Don’t give them the hint that these flaws or distractions are preventing you from giving them physical affection. Don’t let these hinder your expression of love.
3) Forget to embrace them back. When they hug you, return it.
Enclose them with loving arms, too. This way you’ll let them know their love is indeed required.
4) Miss on giving them massage whenever they feel tired or sick.
This is the best thing you can offer them as comfort other than food, medicine, or any other means. This is the best cure for them.
These are just some of all the possible do’s and dont’s considering the love languages. If you really love your person, do some observations, study their personality. You’ll be surprised by how it can strengthen your relationship.
Written by Karla Crisostomo
Originally appeared on Thought Catalog
Printed with permission from the author
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