“I have a dark side. I think everyone does.”Charli XCX
Human beings are a blend of nice and nasty. Some are nicer while others are more unpleasant. Some would say that being nice is one of the most redeeming qualities that one can possess. Aren’t all nice people pleasant to be around? They always seem to be so composed, calm, and reliable.
But when we dive deeper and understand a nice person’s motive, it’s clear that even nice people have a darker side. The best thing we all can do is to understand that even though we think we are nice, we may have a dark side. There is always more than what meets the eye.
Why are Some People so Nice?
We often wonder how someone can be so nice. They are considerate and caring people. But they may have their own motives for being nice. Some of these reasons are:
1. They Serve their Martyr Complex
Have you seen certain people going out of their way to do things for you? Nice people will sacrifice their own happiness and well-being to care for others. People with this attitude maintain a blend of selflessness and servitude. They want to be the martyr of your life and demand to be showered with appreciation and praise for their niceness. This is one of the dark sides of nice people.
2. They Use it as a Form of Manipulation
Being too nice can be used as a form of manipulation to get what they want. Narcissists men often display unwarranted affection towards women to lure them into their trap. They are masters of deceit and manipulation. They begin by convincing their partner that they share a unique and special bond by being too nice. Once the victim is in their trap they begin to exert control over their victims. A 2020 study suggested that narcissists tend to go out of their way to impress others.
3. They are liars
One of the darkest sides of nice people is that they are liars. Nice people constantly lie to themselves when they agree to do things they don’t enjoy. They lie to other people to make sure the other person is not upset. They are so anxious about upsetting others or being perceived as someone who is selfish, they become dishonest. Nice people are dishonest about their true selves. Hence they lack the courage to stand up for what they believe in. In relationships, being too nice without being honest can only give birth to mistrust and resentment.
4. They are people pleasers
Nice people are often people pleasers. Their first instinct is to please everyone. Nice people want to be nice despite the consequences. Hence they say yes to everything even if they don’t want to. People-pleasing goes beyond kindness and being nice. It involves alteration of words and actions for the sake of making someone happy. The urge to please people all the time and allow other people’s wants above our own can have a negative effect on ourselves and our relationships.
The Negative Effects of Being Nice
There are several negative effects of being nice. They are:
- Being taken for granted
- People taking advantage of your niceness
- Being hesitant to ask for help
- Being abused for your generous nature
- Interferes with the individual’s self-esteem and worth
- Experiencing a lag in their lives because they are too consumed with helping other people
- Experiencing burnout