If you are wondering how to stop people-pleasing and still be nice – well there’s a question we never thought you’d ask. People-pleasing behavior is not necessarily a bad thing but sometimes it is important to put our own interests first. We can stop pleasing people and still be nice. People-pleasing goes beyond kindness. It is in fact, a behavior that requires you to edit or alter words and behaviors for the sake of another person’s feelings or reactions.
People pleasing can actually affect you in so many ways. Some people go out of their way to please someone simply on the basis of what they assume the other person wants or needs. A person is willing to give up their time and energy just to get them to like themselves.
Sometimes it has been found to cause serious problems in a person’s life. It becomes troublesome when pleasing other people is overpowering our own needs and wants.
Recognizing the signs of a people pleaser
So first you need to recognize the signs of whether you are actually a people pleaser or not.
If you aren’t sure whether you are a people pleaser or just a kind person here are some signs to look out for.
1. Low Self Esteem
People pleasers usually have low self-esteem and their self-worth comes from the approval of others. They believe that people only care about them when they are useful. Hence they need constant appreciation from others to feel good about themselves.
2. You can’t say no
People pleasers usually can’t say no or turn down requests when people ask for help. This is because they don’t want to make them feel like they don’t care. They are more inclined to say yes even if they don’t want to help.
They agree to help them even when they don’t want to, such as helping someone move or walking their dog. Some people even take advantage of such circumstances because they know that you won’t say no. They ignore your boundaries because they know you that you will do it anyway.
3. You tend to apologize even when you are not wrong
Are you proactive in saying sorry even though you know that you are not wrong? Well, it may be a sign that you are, in fact, a people pleaser.
This behavior involves taking on blame proactively even when you have done nothing wrong.
4. You agree to everything
Agreeing to something you don’t comes naturally to you. You agree to events or situations that you don’t really want to just to make sure that the other person likes you
5. Struggling with authenticity
People pleasers often find it hard to understand how they really feel. When a person continues to give priority to others’ needs before their own, it makes it harder to acknowledge how they truly feel. Eventually, they are not really sure how to be their true self.
For instance, you might avoid telling your partner about what made you feel bad by convincing yourself that they didn’t mean to make you feel bad. If you are still figuring out how to stop pleasing and still be nice, consider being your authentic self and see where it takes you.
6. You rarely have free time
Since you are a people pleaser you rarely find time for yourself. You get so busy doing other people’s work that you hardly have time to spend on yourself. Do you have time for some hobbies or some relaxation? Try to think of the last time you actually spend on yourself whether it’s movies or reading a good book or cooking a good meal for yourself.