Feeling depressed and miserable after a breakup can be attributed to a lot of reasons that you might not even have thought about.
Feeling depressed after a break up is totally natural. While it’s not surprising that you are devastated because your heart has been damaged, there are other, sometimes surprising, reasons why you are feeling depressed and those reasons might be easier to manage if you have some awareness about them.
Here are 5 surprising reasons you might be feeling depressed after a break up.
When we are going through the pain of a break up we are experiencing fear in many forms.
We are afraid that we will be forever alone, that no one will ever love us again. We are afraid that we are unlovable. We are afraid that we are flawed. We are afraid that we will never be happy. We are afraid that our dreams of marriage and a family will never come true.
These fears are certainly understandable but, fortunately, they are mostly like completely unfounded even if they feel really true to you at this moment.
I have never yet met someone who broke up with someone and never found another person to love. There are millions of people out there and at least one more of them is out there waiting for you.
You are definitely not un-loveable or flawed – you just weren’t well matched with your ex.
You will be happy again. I know that it’s hard to imagine right now as you go through the pain of a breakup but you will be!
And there is still plenty of time for your dreams to come true.
One of the reasons we feel so much pain is because of our fear. It can be hard to manage but it can be easier to push back on if we are aware of exactly what we are afraid of! So, take a look at what you are afraid of and question if what you fear is really true.
I know, you are depressed after a breakup and believe that you will never be happy again. And your depression is warranted. But I would also argue that a lot of your depression comes from sheer boredom.
When we break up with someone, we lose a playmate. Someone to watch TV with, to go out to dinner with, to fool around with, to just hanging out with during those downtimes. And now you don’t have that person.
For a lot of people, when they are feeling depressed after a breakup, they stop doing things. They don’t feel like doing things because they are depressed but they also aren’t used to doing things without their person so they don’t do anything at all. As a result, they are bored and they spend lots of time thinking about their ex and they get depressed.
I would encourage you to do whatever you can to keep yourself busy. I was just talking to a client who said that just taking a trip to Starbucks brightened her day, at least temporarily. Sitting at home, obsessing was sucking the life out of her!
I know it’s hard during these times of COVID to keep yourself busy but now is the time to work to do so. Facetime with friends, read books, get into shape, learn something new, watch romcoms with your mom, whatever you can do to keep yourself busy and not bored.
Honestly, you might not be missing your ex as much as you think you are and keeping yourself busy might prove that!
3. Wasted time.
It’s interesting – many of my clients are depressed after a break up because they lament the time that they invested in their ex. Everyone has hopes and dreams and when they lose someone, they feel like they have had to let go of their hopes and dreams forever.
Many people stay in relationships that aren’t serving them because they have ‘invested so much time already.’ They don’t want to have to go back to online dating and start all over again. So, they stay. And then, when the relationship eventually fails anyway, they have wasted even more time.