Are you feeling insecure after your spouse cheated? Did the person you swore who would love you forever betray you by having an affair? Has your self-esteem been decimated and do you find yourself circling the drain in more ways than one?
Don’t worry! You are not alone. Many people suffer from feeling insecure after their partner cheats.
Fortunately, there are steps that you can take that will help you manage that insecurity and move forward with your head held high.
5 Steps To Stop Feeling Insecure After Your Spouse Cheated:
1. Don’t blame yourself.
Are you blaming yourself for your partner cheating? Are you feeling like if you were just nicer, or prettier, or more successful, they wouldn’t have cheated? Do you believe that your perceived deficiencies are why your partner was unfaithful?
I can promise you, here and now – you are not at fault for your partner cheating. There are two people in every relationship and, yes, there are often issues that arise between them but that doesn’t mean that people are given a license to cheat.
In a healthy relationship, issues are addressed and put to bed before they become bigger than life.
That being said, you are in the same troubled relationship with your spouse and you didn’t cheat. You were strong enough to keep your vows even as your relationship foundered.
If anything, you are the one who should hold their head high because you acted with integrity instead of cowardice. They did not.
2. Face it head on.
Many people who have been cheated on struggle to face what happened head on.
Sometimes they don’t confront their partners, worried that if they do, they will get a confirmation that they really don’t want to hear. Sometimes, once they do receive the said confirmation, they don’t address it any further, hoping that if they just ignore it, it will go away. Sometimes, they don’t tell their friends or family because they are so embarrassed and they hold what happened and their emotions inside.
It is important that, if you are feeling insecure after your spouse cheated, you face it head-on. That you talk directly to your partner about what happened, why, and how. To ask the questions that you need to ask and process the answers in a way that will help you deal with it.
It is also important that you share what has happened with someone you trust. I am not telling you to broadcast what happened to the neighborhood, but confiding in a friend or family member will give you a sounding board on which to process.
If you can’t face this directly you will keep all your anger and hurt and fear inside. Any chance of fixing things with your spouse will be impossible because the issue isn’t being addressed. The knowledge that your spouse cheated and that you did nothing to address it will eat you up inside, making you feel more insecure every day.
A strong person who faces adversity head on is not an insecure person. Quite the opposite, indeed.
3. Soul search.
In the same way that I suggest that you face what happened head on with your partner, so I encourage you to dig deep and do some soul searching about how you got to this place. How your marriage got to a place where your partner cheated.
When my ex cheated on me, I was devastated. While I don’t blame myself for his cheating, in retrospect, I have realized that I helped create the petri dish in which my partner’s infidelity developed.
I was contemptuous of him, always questioning why he did or didn’t do things. We lived apart often, because of work or the kids. We never had sex. I was always in charge, etc.
None of these things made him feel loved or respected and eventually he met someone who make him feel both. And he left.
In my current relationship, I have worked hard to not create an atmosphere where my partner would look elsewhere for love or affection. I work hard to communicate instead of being passive aggressive and treating my guy with contempt. I make sure we have sex and that the power in the relationship is even.
It’s not always easy because old habits are hard to break, but doing so has kept our relationship strong and infidelity-proof.