Love is the greatest blessing on humankind. Soul ties allows us to experience deep, true love and a connection of the soul with our soul mate. But with love, comes want and craving that causes suffering, according to Buddhism.
So how can we love someone deeply without experiencing the suffering of attachment?
By being detached.
Is perfect love a curse?
When we are in love with a good person, we tend to look for signs and validations to tell us this person is The One. So we do not hesitate to put certain labels on our relationship like true love, soulmates, twin flames and soul ties. These labels make us feel better about our relationship, about the connection we share with each other and about ourselves.
But we rarely understand what these labels actually mean. Most of us have little to no idea about the true essence of these heavy, meaningful terms. All we know is that using these labels makes us feel good about our relationship. And in doing so, we may deliberately tarnish the very emotional connection we are so keen on building, nurturing and nourishing.
By calling someone our soul mate, we make things worse. By defining our relationships as soul ties, we set up ourselves for failure. How? Through our expectations.
As we lack true understanding of what these labels mean, we mistakenly believe that these make our emotional connection stronger, better…perfect. And that is where it starts going downhill.
No human being on this entire planet is perfect. No relationship in the entire cosmos is perfect. Everything is flawed and imperfect and that is exactly where beauty and love lies.
But as our expectations soar through the roof by using these labels, our dreams, aspirations and hopes from our relationship skyrocket. And when these unreasonable expectations are obviously left unmet, we are left confused and in pain. We question the authenticity of our soul mate and wonder how we can cut these soul ties.
But that’s not how relationships work. And I found that out the hard way. Thankfully, being a practitioner of Buddhism, I found my way towards love and light (albeit a bit late) and understand what true love actually means. (SPOILER: Perfect love is unconditional, universal love. That’s what true love is. But more on that later).
But to understand the Buddhist perspective on love and emotional connection in a relationship, we need to first understand what soul ties actually mean.
What are soul ties?
Soul ties are powerful, unexplainable and intense emotional bonds we share with another person. Also known as spiritual cording, soul ties can occur in any type of relationship and is not limited to romantic ones.
Although the relationship may or may not involve sexual activity, it is often felt strongly after becoming physically intimate with our romantic partner, with whom we share this bond with. This spiritual connection with another individual is rooted deep in our soul.
“It’s a deep connection, an eternal bond. It’s a soul tie. It’s a link that doesn’t necessarily end when or if the relationship does,” explains author Elyane Youssef.
However, attachment can often be misunderstood as emotional connection when we try to add spirituality to natural human emotions. But when an emotional connection is formed based on detachment and unconditional love, a soul tie can develop even in non-romantic relationships.
Soul ties have the power to influence us strongly and this is why it is often important that we cut this spiritual cording at the end of a relationship, before moving on.