In-laws relationships can be complicated sometimes, especially the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. Most of the time, this thorniness is subtle, but then there are times when this sense of dislike can come out in the open. Just like toxic mothers-in-law exist, so do toxic daughters-in-law, and there may be many reasons behind this.
A subconscious fear that you believe that she is not good enough for your son, or the social conditioning that every mother-in-law is mean towards their son’s wife, or that you simply don’t like her and don’t consider her an organic part of the family.
If you have a toxic daughter-in-law who is always getting under your skin, then you can look out for some signs that might help you to understand her and cope with this situation better.
Related: 15 Types Of Toxic People That Ruin Relationships
What Is A Toxic Daughter-In-Law?
Just like toxic parents, toxic friends and toxic partners exist, and so do toxic daughters-in-law, and they can surely be a handful. One of the major things that make them problematic is the fact that no matter how nicely and respectfully you treat them, they will always be horrible to you.
Dealing with a toxic daughter-in-law is nothing short of a nightmare, and if you have one, you would know exactly what this entails. They can be really selfish, narcissistic, and insensitive toward their mother-in-law, even if you are the nicest and best person there is.
In order to handle a daughter-in-law like this, you need to look out for a few signs. Let’s find out the major signs of a toxic daughter-in-law below.
10 Signs You Have A Toxic Daughter-In-Law
1. She never shows any compassion towards you.
No matter what you are going through, she never shows any kind of compassion or empathy towards you, and she rarely turns up to help you out. As a vital member of your family, if you notice that your daughter-in-law hardly cares about you and your well-being, then it’s a sign that they don’t like you.
At most, she might give you a perfunctory call, but that’s it; she won’t show any kind of genuine concern towards you and your problems. She will keep on living her own life without a second thought because, for her, you and your problems don’t hold any value, and even if something happens to you, it won’t affect her that much.
2. She will try to create problems between you and your son.
A toxic daughter-in-law will always try to keep your son away from you and will manipulate him and turn him against you. Maybe you are too clingy, or too needy, or you don’t give them enough space – the lies keep on coming, and before you know it, you hardly see your son anymore, except for maybe once or twice a year.
She will emotionally blackmail him and brainwash him by badmouthing you and worse still, she might even convince him to not financially support you anymore.
She will try to limit how much time he spends with you and will manipulate him to ignore you completely. There might even come a point when your relationship with your son will decline to such an extent, that he might even stop talking to you.
Related: 5 Psychological Tricks That Evil People Use To Hurt Others
3. She will openly be hostile towards you.
No matter how much you try to be nice to her, she will always be hostile and unfriendly towards you. She always looks irritated and angry, whenever you are around and will even go to the extent of ignoring you when you are trying to talk to her.
She treats you like a nuisance and an unwanted person and tries her best to stay away from you and even your shadow.
And that’s not all, she will make fun of you in front of others and if you speak up against it, she will say that she’s simply joking. Making you feel like a burden is what she does best, and she loves to see you feel humiliated and heartbroken.
4. She treats you like a second-class citizen.
She will go to huge lengths to make you feel unimportant and irrelevant in the family. During a family discussion, if you give your opinion, she will dismiss it right off the bat and make you feel stupid about yourself. She will always treat you badly no matter how nice and kind you are to her.
This takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, and before you know it, you find yourself second-guessing your place in the family. This is exactly what your toxic daughter-in-law wants, you feeling defeated, heartbroken, and a burden. She wants to break your spirit and confidence, and seeing you in pain is one of her greatest joys in life.
5. She makes your son and grandchildren spend most of the holidays with her side of the family.
Not that it’s a bad thing to spend the holidays with your in-laws, but you will notice that your son has started to spend every holiday with his wife’s family. He hardly spends Christmas or Thanksgiving with you, and simply just sends a card to wish you.
You understand that now that your son is married, it’s important for him to prioritize his wife’s family too, but what hurts you is that he has completely forgotten about you and never shows any interest in spending any time with you.
Your toxic daughter-in-law will try her best to alienate you from your son, and will always monopolize him and his time. Even when there is scope for compromise, she will make sure that you never get to see your son during these special occasions.
Related: 9 Toxic Personality Types And How to Deal With Them
6. She never lets you see your grandchildren.
Your grandchildren are your world, but unfortunately, when you have a toxic daughter-in-law, be rest assured that you will hardly get to see them or even talk to them.
She hates it if her children warm up to you, and wants to spend time with you; she will go to any lengths to make sure that never happens.
If your grandchildren consider you a cool grandmother, she will brainwash them into thinking you are anything but that. She will tell them that you are a bad person who does not care about them and only cares about herself.
If you give your grandchildren any gifts, she takes them away and gives them all sorts of horrible explanations and excuses as to why they shouldn’t accept the gifts. If they want to visit you, she forbids them from doing so. And this goes on and on and on, till the time they completely lose interest in seeing you.
7. She gets annoyed and defensive at the drop of a hat.
She gets defensive and annoyed whenever you give your opinion, it’s as if she hates the sound of your voice and can’t stand it in the slightest. Even if you are saying something nice, or giving some valuable advice, she will lose her temper and accuse you of patronizing her.
This constant disrespect makes you question her motives and behavior, and you keep on wondering what is it that you did that made her lash out like this. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. When you have a toxic daughter-in-law, she will always try to put you down, despite your positive intentions.
8. She is extremely unpredictable.
Even though being a bit unpredictable is not the worst quality to have, however, it is when a toxic daughter-in-law is concerned. You never know what to expect from her, because one day she will be nice to you, and the very next day, she will treat you like garbage. Everything depends on her mood.
On her bad days, she will make you feel irrelevant, unimportant, and stupid, no matter how nice and loving you might be to her. After a point, this ends up affecting your mental and emotional health and you just don’t know what to do to have a normal, cordial relationship with her.
Related: 10 Identifying Signs Of An Abrasive Personality And How To Deal With One
9. She involves your son and her husband even in minor matters.
Whenever you decide to stand up to her or refuse to do her bidding, she instantly brings in your son to make things even more complicated. She manipulates him and makes everything out to be your fault so that you are forced to retreat and do what she wants you to do.
She knows very well that your son’s happiness and peace are your first priorities, and that is exactly what she exploits to make you do her bidding. You will never go against your son, and that is what she counts on.
10. She speaks negatively about you behind your back.
If harassing you and tormenting you was not enough, a toxic daughter-in-law will always spread dirty rumors and speak negatively about you behind your back. Be it in front of friends or relatives, she will always speak badly about you and even go far as making up outright lies.
Her motive is just not to humiliate you, but also to create problems between you and other people. She loves to see you unhappy and she will leave no stone unturned to make sure that you feel alienated and sad.
4 Ways You Can Cope With A Toxic Daughter-In-Law
1. Try to understand why she is behaving like this.
It can be hard trying to be the bigger person when your daughter-in-law is always being rude to you. But despite all that, if you still want to have a cordial relationship with her, then you need to understand why she is the way she is.
Is something bothering her about you? Did you unknowingly hurt her sometime? Does she come from a dysfunctional or toxic family? Or is she simply a bad person?
There are many reasons as to why a toxic person is the way they are, and even though you don’t deserve to be treated this way, if you want to forge a relationship with her, then trying to understand the source of her anger might help you do that. There is no guarantee that this will make things right, but it’s worth a try, isn’t it?
Related: 13 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Handle Toxic People
2. Accept that she is the woman your son chose to marry.
Many mothers-in-law tend to treat their daughters-in-law as people who are just add-ons in the family, and not true family members. This can affect a daughter-in-law’s mental and emotional health and make them feel unwanted.
If you are guilty of doing this, intentionally or unintentionally, then you need to understand that she is the woman your son has married, and she deserves to have an important position in the family.
But if you haven’t ever made her feel unwelcome, and she still chooses to behave with you like that, you still need to accept that she is your son’s wife. Understand that if your son has married her, then she probably makes him happy. Your relationship with her might not be the best, but you can be cordial with her for your son’s sake.
3. Respect her boundaries and give her some space.
No matter how much it bothers you, you need to respect her boundaries and give her the space she needs. If she feels uncomfortable with something you are doing or saying, then you need to respect that. Don’t try to impose your presence and opinions on her, and give her the space she wants.
You might feel that you are doing the right thing by making an effort to integrate yourself into their lives, but from her perspective, it might seem a bit stifling and forced. So don’t go overboard in trying to build a relationship with her, and let her be. If you respect her space, you might have a better relationship with her.
Related: How To Know If It’s Time to Let Go of Toxic Friends or Family: 15 Questions To Ask
4. Make your peace with the fact that she might never change.
Sometimes, you need to accept things you cannot change, and the same stands true for this too. You need to accept her for who she is and the fact that she might never change her ways. Despite trying so hard to be nice to her, if she is still behaving rudely with you, then you need to let it go.
Toxic people rarely change, and if you keep on hoping that she will, you are just setting yourself up for more disappointment. Make your peace with the fact that this is who she is and who she always be.
Be nice to her when you see her for your son’s and grandchildren’s sake, but don’t keep on trying to have a normal relationship with her. You will just end up getting more humiliated and insulted.
Do you have a toxic daughter-in-law, and what kind of relationship do you share with her? Let us know your experiences in the comments section down below!
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