Rebound Relationship: 5 Signs You’re Just Their Temporary Fix​​

Nobody wants to end up feeling like a replacement for an old flame to their partner, so make sure that you don’t end up in a rebound relationship. Below are some of the signs you’re just a rebound!

My client Jade met someone perfect online. She could not believe her luck. Keith seemed custom-designed to fit her dating needs and wants. They exchanged a few emails, chatted on the phone, and since things continued to look oh-so-hopeful, they met face to face for a coffee date. Bingo! Chemistry? Check. Comfort and mutual enjoyment?  Check. Available? Check… well wait. Not so fast. There was one small hiccup.

It turned out that, though technically available, legally available, and intellectually available (after all he did fill out an online profile, right?) – Keith was seriously on the rebound and therefore very much NOT emotionally available. Jade had noticed that Keith’s dating profile stated: “recently divorced.” It should have said, “I have no business being on this site because I am so not over my last relationship.” Unfortunately, there’s no check box for that.

Jade was initially not concerned about the “recent divorce” revelation until the issues commonly (though not always) associated with such a status reared their nasty little heads… over and over. After a couple of dates, Jade got the picture and bowed out, asking Keith to get in touch when he’d done the necessary work to move on after his marriage.

Related: Lust Or Love? How To Know If It’s Just A Rebound Or Something Real

Signs of a rebound relationship: Has any of these happened to you?

1. Your date takes you to a nice restaurant then tells you, “This was our favorite place,” and proceeds to inform you what “my ex always ordered.”

Red flag – you are there to recreate past experiences for your date.

2. “You really remind me of my ex,” are words that have actually come out of the mouth of the new person in your life. Perhaps he or she calls you by the ex’s name… accidentally (?).

Red flag – your date is looking for a replacement.

3. OR, “You aren’t anything like my ex. She was quite decisive.” Or “Gosh, my ex was pretty handy. He always knew what to do when the car broke down.”

Red flag – you will never live up to the specter of the ex.

4. Your date expresses relief and gratitude for your presence in his or her life. “Now I can stop thinking about my ex.”

Red flag – there is a void, and you are supposed to fill it.

5. “I was so happy. I thought we were so happy…. It feels really weird to be dating again.”

Red flag – this person is NOT OVER IT!

6. Your date breaks down when the subject of exes comes up.

Red flag – run!

What is a rebounder?

It is someone whose relationship has recently ended, has not done the necessary processing, and is trying to rush into a new relationship to avoid grief, fill a void, be reassured about his or her value and worth, or otherwise use you regain health (or regain the feeling of health) without actually doing the work.

Related: 5 Reasons Why Rebound Relationships Do More Harm Than Not

A relationship does not have to be long, involves marriage vows, or cohabitation to create a rebound effect. It does not even have to be a happy relationship. 

People rebound after the most dysfunctional ties are broken. Whatever created the bond in that former relationship – love, habit, codependency, passion, common interests, obsession, even hate – when it is broken, it takes work to move on, and not everyone wants to do that work.

If you suspect that you are dating a rebounder, you probably are.

The rebounder is not going to become emotionally available while in a relationship with you, or anyone. The time you spend involved with one is time you could be spending with someone who is available in every sense of the word. My best dating advice if you are seeing a rebounder: use your exit strategy.

If the match is meant to be, it will have to wait till both of you are ready for love, not just you. Meanwhile, move on.


Written by Betty Russell, BCC
Originally appeared on Relationship Elements
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Rebound Relationship: 5 Signs You’re Just Their Temporary Fix​​

Written By:

Nobody wants to end up feeling like a replacement for an old flame to their partner, so make sure that you don’t end up in a rebound relationship. Below are some of the signs you’re just a rebound!

My client Jade met someone perfect online. She could not believe her luck. Keith seemed custom-designed to fit her dating needs and wants. They exchanged a few emails, chatted on the phone, and since things continued to look oh-so-hopeful, they met face to face for a coffee date. Bingo! Chemistry? Check. Comfort and mutual enjoyment?  Check. Available? Check… well wait. Not so fast. There was one small hiccup.

It turned out that, though technically available, legally available, and intellectually available (after all he did fill out an online profile, right?) – Keith was seriously on the rebound and therefore very much NOT emotionally available. Jade had noticed that Keith’s dating profile stated: “recently divorced.” It should have said, “I have no business being on this site because I am so not over my last relationship.” Unfortunately, there’s no check box for that.

Jade was initially not concerned about the “recent divorce” revelation until the issues commonly (though not always) associated with such a status reared their nasty little heads… over and over. After a couple of dates, Jade got the picture and bowed out, asking Keith to get in touch when he’d done the necessary work to move on after his marriage.

Related: Lust Or Love? How To Know If It’s Just A Rebound Or Something Real

Signs of a rebound relationship: Has any of these happened to you?

1. Your date takes you to a nice restaurant then tells you, “This was our favorite place,” and proceeds to inform you what “my ex always ordered.”

Red flag – you are there to recreate past experiences for your date.

2. “You really remind me of my ex,” are words that have actually come out of the mouth of the new person in your life. Perhaps he or she calls you by the ex’s name… accidentally (?).

Red flag – your date is looking for a replacement.

3. OR, “You aren’t anything like my ex. She was quite decisive.” Or “Gosh, my ex was pretty handy. He always knew what to do when the car broke down.”

Red flag – you will never live up to the specter of the ex.

4. Your date expresses relief and gratitude for your presence in his or her life. “Now I can stop thinking about my ex.”

Red flag – there is a void, and you are supposed to fill it.

5. “I was so happy. I thought we were so happy…. It feels really weird to be dating again.”

Red flag – this person is NOT OVER IT!

6. Your date breaks down when the subject of exes comes up.

Red flag – run!

What is a rebounder?

It is someone whose relationship has recently ended, has not done the necessary processing, and is trying to rush into a new relationship to avoid grief, fill a void, be reassured about his or her value and worth, or otherwise use you regain health (or regain the feeling of health) without actually doing the work.

Related: 5 Reasons Why Rebound Relationships Do More Harm Than Not

A relationship does not have to be long, involves marriage vows, or cohabitation to create a rebound effect. It does not even have to be a happy relationship. 

People rebound after the most dysfunctional ties are broken. Whatever created the bond in that former relationship – love, habit, codependency, passion, common interests, obsession, even hate – when it is broken, it takes work to move on, and not everyone wants to do that work.

If you suspect that you are dating a rebounder, you probably are.

The rebounder is not going to become emotionally available while in a relationship with you, or anyone. The time you spend involved with one is time you could be spending with someone who is available in every sense of the word. My best dating advice if you are seeing a rebounder: use your exit strategy.

If the match is meant to be, it will have to wait till both of you are ready for love, not just you. Meanwhile, move on.


Written by Betty Russell, BCC
Originally appeared on Relationship Elements
rebound relationship
signs you are dating a rebounder pin
rebound relationship

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

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Sometimes, the signs a guy has feelings for you are clearly there, clear as crystal, but he is just too scared to admit it. So, how to tell if a guy likes you? What are the signs you should keep an eye out for to know if he genuinely has romantic feelings for you?

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Eventually you both give in to the attraction that you both felt for each other and it’s sweet, intoxicating, irresistible, intense, and all consuming – a psychosexual thing – a sizzling chemistry that makes you feel powerless and you just get carried away.

It’s only when you start sharing about your new-found love to your friends and family that you start noticing

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As a viewer, if you’re constantly in an emotional tug-of-war, picking sides, rooting for your favorite couple, and second-guessing everything when the plot twists hit, we have some of the best shows with love triangles for you.

From swoon-worthy teen romances or emotionally messy adult drama, there’s something magnetic about watching characters finding themselves in the complicated terrain of love, loyalty, and longing.

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The great Renaissance artist Michelangelo Buonarroti has famously said that he does not create his sculptures, but merely reveals the figures hidden within the marble, so that others can see what he could see from the very beginning!

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What Is Phubbing? Meaning and Effects

Phubbing is a mash up of the two words – “phone” plus “snubbing”.

Imagine you’re on a date at a nice restaurant and instead of paying full attention to you, (which they should be doing all the time, am I right?) your date or partner keeps checking their phone – high on alert every time there’s a ping or notification.

They’re either replying with “hmm” or “okay<

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“Roommate Syndrome” isn’t just a fun buzzword, it’s anything but. Actually, it’s a massive relationship red flag, and one you should definitely steer clear of. Have you ever felt like you are living like roommates with your partner, rather than truly connecting with them?

If you answered yes, the unfortunately you are in a roommate relationship/roommate marriage. This sneaky little monster creeps in quietly.

One minute you’re finishing each other’s sentences, and the next, you’re discussing who left dishes in the sink for the third time this week.

The funny thing is that it’s not that you don’t care anymore, it’s just that the spark slowly faded and both of you didn’t even notice when. But hey, the good news? If you’re reading this, there’s still time to bring the that vibe back.