Lust Or Love? How To Know If It’s Just A Rebound Or Something Real

Rebounds can be weird. It can be hot and cold at the same time. It can move fast and slow simultaneously. You feel like spending more time with them, yet there might not be a real connection. But how can you know that you’re with someone just to get over your ex or if you are actually falling for them? What if they are The One?

The funny thing about being in a rebound relationship: it’s never just the two of you who are in it. There’s always someone else lurking in the corners. Namely, your ex. Maybe even your rebound partner’s ex, too.

Regardless of who is taking refuge in the rebound relationship, the whole thing is a bit, shall we say, crowded.

You might go into a rebound relationship with both eyes open and both partners willing. You might even think love has swooped in to rescue you from the agony of your recent breakup.

No matter how you enter a rebound relationship, there are several tell-tale signs that will distinguish it from the real thing.

The most distinguishing characteristic of a rebound relationship is that it’s a distraction. It’s a band-aid for your broken heart and all those feelings you haven’t been able to bear to feel since your break-up.

The rebound relationship is all about feeling better and filling the void left by your ex’s removal from your life. It’s about not feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s even about not feeling at all.

The irony of the rebound relationship is that those who are in it truly want to be in love. They miss the security of being in love. And that yearning, conditioned by memory and not the present reality, can make a new relationship feel like love.

Perhaps you meet someone who flings you into that hormone rush of “love at first sight.” The feelings are sudden, intense, and unmistakable. You’re convinced (thank God) that you haven’t, in fact, lost your lovability – you are still lovable!

When a physical attraction is all-consuming, you can be pretty sure it’s lust, not love, at the helm. Love, after all, takes time and is about so much more than physical attraction.

A rebound relationship isn’t devoid of benefits — depending, of course, on how you view “benefits.” It’s no secret that rebound romance is, to a great extent, based on sex. Whether you are friends-with-benefits or two desperados, sex is an easy distraction from what you don’t want to face.

What’s unique about a rebound connection is that its magic lasts only as long as the two of you are together. Sure, you feel cheered up, and you keep all those nasty emotions at bay. But as soon as the other person heads home or off on a business trip, your thoughts return to one person: your ex.

 

The person you miss isn’t the one you just slept with. It’s the one you will never sleep with again.

Surprisingly, rebound sex is rarely as mind-blowing as you might think or hope. It may be decent enough to keep you feeling happy for a while, but it lacks the palpable passion of true love.

And that’s the thing about “the real thing.” You feel it. The sex goes beyond lust to true passion and concern for the other’s fulfillment.

But in a rebound relationship, when the sex wears off, the relationship usually ends.

The danger of rebound dating, of course, is that one person falls for the other and gets hurt. And the seconds/he announces a desire for more in the relationship, a decision has to be made. If the relationship isn’t grounded in true love (or at least its potential), it usually comes to an end.

When a relationship is a real thing, one person’s expressed a desire for more is welcomed by the other. It’s a non-threatening revelation of the relationship’s natural progression.

But in the rebound relationship, one person asking for more becomes a wake-up call to the other person’s true motives.

Dr. Karen Finnhttps://drkarenfinn.com
Dr. Karen Finn is a personal life and divorce coach as well as divorce survivor herself. She works with clients who are looking for support and advice to decide whether they should stay or go. You can join her newsletter groupfor free advice or schedule a FREE 30-minute conversation with Karen directly in her Time Trade calendar.

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