What is the flip side of a rebound relationship?
An intimate romantic association entails huge amounts of emotional investment, lots of moments of togetherness and an entire journey of ups and downs. The two people involved are so enmeshed with each other, emotionally, physically and otherwise that a separation to some might feel like having to strangle a part of oneself. Dissolution of a relationship becomes more difficult when it’s not mutual.
To see another person walk out of our life without a closure can leave us in pain, shame, anger, guilt, completely devastated and leave us questioning our self-worth.
After a breakup, a person invariably suffers from complex emotional stress and loneliness. It is under such aftermath of heartbreak that we instantly and immediately itch to jump into another relationship. We seem to become so absorbed with the motivation to find and replace what we lost that we unknowingly engage in a rebound.
A rebound relationship, as defined by Researchers Brumbaugh and Fraley, is “A relationship that is initiated shortly after a romantic breakup—before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved.” (1) Followed by a breakup a person is psychologically incapacitated to take logical decisions degrading the choice of partners. Hence, it’s understandable that a rebound partner is usually thought of as a transitional mate or a stepping stone on the way to a more legitimate relationship. (2) In other cases, it is the fear of being alone without a partner that prompts a person to seek new romance in the arms of another person.
The luring attraction, heat of passion, the intoxicating high might all seem dream-like as you start falling head over heels in love with this new person but it’s soon enough that things will turn upside-down. Generally, a relationship so quick paced will end too soon.
Rebound relationships are thought to have a soothing effect but instead it will eventually torment the soul.
Here are 5 reasons why a rebound relationship can be destruction in disguise:
1. You walk into the relationship unsure of your feelings
Rebound relationship is a recipe of mess. You meet someone; you instantly start feeling the heat of attraction rising, especially because you recently got your heart singed. It seems like a perfect displacement for all your invested feelings on the previous partner.
Everything about this new person is amazing – the way they make you feel, the way they connect to you, the way they care. Their every single action is like a balm to your broken heart. You are so blinded in ‘love’ that you only judge them on their ability to fulfill your needs and desire and not based on the real person that they are.
You are certainly sure of the effects their actions are having on you but you have no clue about what you exactly feel for this person. You like what they do for you but you are not at all ready to emotionally invest in them. This, itself, strikes as a bitter truth to you.
You are utterly confused about what you are feeling and you keep swinging from being highly interested to being totally indifferent to the other person.
2. You end up hurting the feelings of your new partner
Suppose your partner has planned a dinner with you and you both are sitting at a well-furnished restaurant, highly excited about the night that lies ahead. Suddenly out of the blue your partner mentions how he/she had a similar dine out with his/her ex in the same restaurant you both are sitting right then.
How will you feel? You will unquestionably feel like a fool.
If you are indecisive about your feelings you subconsciously end up bringing your ex in between both of you which is not healthy for your new relationship.
Under such circumstances it’s natural for your partner to feel insecure, jealous, worthless, incapable and lost in the relationship. Like you desire to feel special, he/she also deserves your undivided attention and love. If you carry unresolved conflicts from your previous relationship you will always be half hearted with your new partner which is unjustified from the point of view of your partner.
Your residual feelings from the past relationship will hold you back from committing to your new partner.
3. You are put to a higher risk of being manipulated and exploited
Heartbreak leaves us vulnerable to the core. We feel lost, purposeless and in no control of ourselves and our lives. We become more prone to taking impulsive decisions when we are not emotionally stable.
Before you start dating again after a breakup, you need to free yourself of the past baggage. Rebound relationships are so fast and captivating that we lose our rationale sense. This puts you at a greater risk of being manipulated by people who will make use of your propensity to hook up, to engage in sex and other impulsive relationship decisions because they know you are ready to do anything to secure a partner.