Some people are perfect for relationships. Unfortunately, some are not. Continue reading to understand the signs of a selfish relationship or lover!
Selfish behavior is at the core of every relationship that turned sour.
The truth is we all act selfishly when we want things our way, too bad. But, if you always want things your way, sit down and think. Isn’t there any way to come to an agreement with your partner and ensure the harmony in your loving relationships is maintained?
Dr. Srini Pillay, writer of Debunking Myths of the Mind, in her article for Psychology Today stated that “Selfish lovers are often hiding something they are very ashamed of as well. Giving makes them feel out of control and threatened as they worry that the reason for their shame will be revealed. With this strong feeling of having to cover up all the time, they hold onto their love very tightly because giving it up makes them feel as though they are sliding on ice.”
Nobody should ever be relegated to a predator-prey kind of relationship. No one should ever be made to suffer perpetually so that another person can always live comfortably. Relationships are supposed to be proper partnerships. That’s why you should do yourself a favor and just completely avoid dating selfish people as much as you can.
If you want your relationship to work, you will need to stop and question yourself, “Is this self-love and preservation, or just plain selfishness controlling this relationship?”
The 4 Signs You’re In A Selfish Relationship
1. Your partner is a bully.
We all can understand the difference between encouragement and derision. Instead of boosting your spirits, a selfish person will scorn you. They will mock you for whatever you are, or if you fail to meet their expectations.
You will feel worthless compared to them incapable of doing anything worthwhile. They would pull you down to the point where you will find they are the only achievers and you are a ‘nobody’. The focus in this type of relationship will always be on that person. If you are continuously adapting yourself to be in this type of relationship, you are becoming the victim of the imbalance of a selfish relationship.
Author of Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Daniel Goleman, writes: “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” A relationship that is only about one person cannot last long.
2. Your partner feels they alone are important.
Selfish people have no thought about other’s needs and they never direct their time energy in understanding them. Not even if that person is their life partner. They see absolutely no wrong in putting their wants and desires on the top of everything else. These people are too driven to get what they want and they feel it’s their right to feel that way.
Don’t confuse selfishness with self-love. Selfish behavior is equivalent to betrayal because your partner will let you down if you think they will take care of your needs or desires even if you don’t stand up for them. Your partner won’t feel the need to do it if you don’t voice your demands.
To combat this you have to show you won’t settle for a lesser relationship where you are not treated as an equal. A selfish relationship is toxic and painful. If you allow your partner to put you second in everything, soon you will find you are the one who is not treated with any respect in the relationship.
“In an individual, selfishness uglifies the soul; for the human species, selfishness is extinction.” ~ David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas
3. Your partner is insecure and is always trying to get the better of you.
There is another negative aspect of a selfish relationship and that is jealousy. As such a selfish person is always thinking about themselves. But they also have this tendency to outclass others, and more so their partners. They always want to be the superior ones and show their partner they are the better ones.
In fact all their efforts to prove themselves better arises from their insecurity that is combined with a huge amount of selfishness. If you realize that your partner envies you, just get the fact that you have something good that they don’t possess. They know this but don’t have the heart to appreciate you. They can’t bear anybody else other than themselves to be the superior of the lot and so they try to put down your spirits by demeaning you.
“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
4. Your partner is never sorry.
This is the biggest indicator. No matter how much they have hurt you, no matter how wrong they have been, they won’t utter “I am sorry”. If your partner does this, they are showing signs of narcissist disorder.
Such people are devoid of moral values. They cannot tolerate resentment when others react against their selfish behavior or wrongdoing. You are no one to point out their mistakes and ask them to mend their ways. The existence of a selfish person in a relationship erases every possibility for love to flourish. It kills joy that is the very soul of a loving relationship.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is driven by the self-centeredness that never lets them regret anything, you are in the company of a selfish soul.
There is not a single relationship in this world that is completely perfect, yet we cannot ignore mutual respect, trust, and consideration where it does not exist. It is for the individual in the relationship to decide, if what they are facing is something which exists in every human being and is tolerable, or if it is narcissism.
Two people in a healthy relationship are always able to be aware of their self-worth. They are not only able to love themselves but also their partner. Selfishness is different, it is one-sided and toxic.
If you want to know more about the signs of a selfish relationship, then check this video out below: