Selfish behavior is at the core of every relationship that turned sour.
The truth is we all act selfishly when we want things our way, too badly. But, if you always want things your way, sit down and think. Isn’t there any way to come to agreement with your partner and ensure the harmony in your loving relationships is maintained?
Dr. Srini Pillay, writer of Debunking Myths of the Mind, in her article for Psychology Today stated that “Selfish lovers are often hiding something they are very ashamed of as well. Giving makes them feel out of control and threatened as they worry that the reason for their shame will be revealed. With this strong feeling of having to cover up all the time, they hold onto their love very tightly because giving it up makes them feel as though they are sliding on ice.”
Nobody should ever be relegated to a predator-prey kind of relationship. No one should ever be made to suffer perpetually so that another person can always live comfortably. Relationships are supposed to be proper partnerships. That’s why you should do yourself a favor and just completely avoid dating selfish people as much as you can.
If you want your relationship to work, you will need to stop and question yourself, “Is this self-love and preservation, or just plain selfishness controlling this relationship?”
THESE 4 SIGNS EXPLAIN A SELFISH RELATIONSHIP:
1. YOUR PARTNER IS A BULLY
We all can understand the difference between encouragement and derision. Instead of boosting your spirits a selfish person will scorn you. They will mock you for whatever you are, or if you fail to meet their expectations. You will feel worthless compared to them incapable of doing anything worthwhile. They would pull you down to the point where you will find they are the only achievers and you are a ‘nobody’. The focus in this type of relationship will always be on that person. If you are continuously adapting yourself to be in this type of relationship, you are becoming the victim of the imbalance of a selfish relationship.
Author of Emotional Intelligence, Psychologist Daniel Goleman, writes: “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” A relationship that is only about one person cannot last long.
2. YOUR PARTNER FEELS THEY ALONE ARE IMPORTANT
Selfish people have no thought about other’s needs and they never direct their time energy in understanding them. Not even if that person is their life partner. They see absolutely no wrong in putting their wants and desires on the top of everything else. These people are too driven to get what they want and they feel it’s their right to feel that way. Don’t confuse selfishness with self-love. Selfish behavior is equivalent to betrayal because your partner will let you down if you think they will take care of your needs or desires even if you don’t stand up for them. Your partner won’t feel the need to do it if you don’t voice your demands. To combat this you have to show you won’t settle for a lesser relationship where you are not treated as an equal. A selfish relationship is toxic and painful. If you allow your partner to put you second in everything, soon you will find you are the one who is not treated with any respect in the relationship.