7 Secrets To A Successful Introvert-Extravert Marriage

successful introvert-extravert marriage

4. Learn Each Other’s Languages.

Yeah, I’ll be the annoying marriage-know-it-all who says it’s all about compromise and meeting in the middle. But seriously, you love this person, so how about learning a little bit about the other side’s communication style and trying it out every once in a while?

Extraverts and introverts process information differently. Extraverts often think out loud, while introverts usually process things internally before speaking. My husband likes to make sense of the world by interacting with it. I prefer to make sense of things by analyzing them in my head.

How To Speak Introvertese

  • Pause in conversation to allow time for your introvert to participate. An introvert needs time to think and process what you just said. The pausing does not mean that the introvert:

– Doesn’t have anything to say.
-Doesn’t want to share what’s on his/her mind.
-Is trying to hide something.
-Is ignoring you.
-Agrees or disagrees with you.
Sometimes an introvert just needs a brief pause, but sometimes they may not have the answer until several hours or even days later. I’m famous for “you know how two weeks ago you said…”

  • Don’t finish your introvert’s sentences or interrupt them.
  • Show interest. Ask about your introvert’s feelings and opinions.
  • Stay on one topic until it has been thoroughly discussed instead of jumping from one topic to another.
  • Introverts are often more private than extraverts. Don’t share information about your introvert with others without the introvert’s permission.

How To Speak Extravertese

  • Listen to your extravert talk. Show interest and enthusiasm to make them feel heard.
  • Extraverts think out loud. Allow them to jump from one topic to another and not always reach a conclusion.
  • If you need time to think, let the extravert know and promise to get back to them instead of just leaving them hanging.
  • Compliment your extravert a lot and let them know why you appreciate them.
  • Learn to share with your extravert even if it’s hard for you.

Related: 7 Secrets For A Successful Introvert Extrovert Relationship

5. Harness Each Person’s Decision-Making Power.

You know that bit above about introverts needing to process and analyze things in their heads? And how extraverts think out loud? This can make it a little tricky to make decisions together. You see, if the extravert keeps thinking out loud non-stop, the introvert never gets to think at all.

Here are two common scenarios and how to handle each:

  • Making big decisions together – Let’s say my husband and I are trying to decide whether to pack our bags and move to Timbuktu. If we simply have a conversation about it and make a decision at the end of that conversation, I never had an opportunity to really consider all the points he brought up, because I need time to mull things over in private. In order for me to make good decisions, I need to go hide somewhere and think about it by myself without any distractions. And yes, this may require several rounds of conversation + me going away to think about it. But it’s worth it, so we don’t accidentally end up moving to Timbuktu. This may sound a little silly, but sometimes we actually go back and forth via texting because it’s easier for me to think that way.
  • Responding to invitations and requests– Let’s say we are at a party and someone invites us to another party the following weekend. Because in addition to being an introvert, I’m also a feeler people-pleaser, my auto-response is to say Yes! to any request that comes up. But when I go away and have some time to THINK about it, I often end up regretting committing to something I actually don’t want to do. So I’ve trained myself (and my husband) to switch the auto-response to “let me check my calendar and get back to you,” so I can think about it in private before committing.

Want to know more about how you can make an introvert-extravert marriage work? Check this video out below!

Making an introvert-extravert marriage work
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Anni Poikolainen

Anni is a Whole Person Certified Coach, a Certified MBTI® Practitioner, and the founder of Solutions To All Your Problems, a life improvement website for stressed-out introverts and highly sensitive people. Her mission is to help you discover your true self and create a life you ACTUALLY like. Check out her free video class to get started!View Author posts