Getting into a relationship is sometimes the easy part, but maintaining it and making sure that it’s a healthy one, is tougher. You might be making some minor mistakes that seem harmless on the surface, but can end up hampering your relationship to a great extent.
Have you ever wondered why some relationships thrive while others flounder? Maybe you’ve even evaluated your own failed relationships vs. your successful ones. I know I have. When my 13-year marriage ended I justified that I did everything I could to save it and we just grew apart. But having time and space has made me realize it was so much more than that.
I sought therapy as a hail mary to save the relationship, or did I? I sometimes wonder if I wanted the therapist to side with me, to share with my husband that it was all his fault, the demise of our relationship was for him to own, and I got the gold star for being the model wife. I realize that I had 100% responsibility for my half of the relationship.
Working with thousands of couples I’ve found these 6 mistakes I see couples make that ruin their relationship and what you can do to ensure you don’t make these mistakes and kill your relationship.
6 Mistakes That Can Kill a Great Relationship
Your life has become predictable. Are you just going through the motions? You go to work, come home, have dinner, or watch TV before falling exhausted and depleted into bed. There isn’t much variance or excitement happening. You don’t have much to look forward to and it almost feels like Groundhog Day. You know the movie with Bill Murray where he wakes up every day and it’s the same day over and over again.
You may just look forward to that annual vacation you take with your family. To live 51 weeks out of the year in boredom and stagnation only to celebrate life one week out of the year is NOT living.
Challenge yourself and your partner to try to do something different occasionally. Think outside the box even if it is getting dressed up in fancy clothes on a Tuesday night to head to an average restaurant for dinner. What will they think?
Or the reverse, do a goodwill date. Head to your local thrift store and you each have a budget of $10 to pick out an outfit for each other and you must wear whatever your partner picks out. Put it on in the dressing room and then head to dinner. The fun part is watching the staff’s wonderment in why you’re wearing a Christmas vest in July. It’s a hoot.
You stopped dating each other. Your date night is relegated to dinner which is boring and predictable. You frequent the same restaurants and are creatures of habit. But it’s so comfortable to go to familiar spots for dinner. You can’t remember the last time you went on a real date, a doing date, an experience.
You fantasize about the good old days before kids and the busyness of life when your partner would ask you on a date and you had no idea what you were doing or where the night may take you. The anticipation of what would transpire gave you goosebumps and your tummy felt like it was filled with butterflies of the excitement of what was to be.
What causes those butterflies anyway? Is it possible to have them after the new love phase has passed?
We get those butterflies when we were excited with anticipation and maybe a little bit of fear. Fear of the unknown. Does your date like you as much as you like them? Will you make it to first base or a home run tonight? Will they like the experience? There are so many things that increase excitement and desire, and planning a date for your love is an easy way to fan the flames of love.
Conversations are relegated to work, kids, and logistics. While at your favorite local restaurant you frequent you are both surfing the web on your phones or having the same boring conversations about what happened at work that day. You may also talk about the kids or whose taking them to school or activities this week.