6 Mistakes That Can Kill A Great Relationship

 / 

Mistakes That Can Kill A Great Relationship

Getting into a relationship is sometimes the easy part, but maintaining it and making sure that it’s a healthy one, is tougher. You might be making some minor mistakes that seem harmless on the surface, but can end up hampering your relationship to a great extent.

Have you ever wondered why some relationships thrive while others flounder? Maybe you’ve even evaluated your own failed relationships vs. your successful ones. I know I have. When my 13-year marriage ended I justified that I did everything I could to save it and we just grew apart. But having time and space has made me realize it was so much more than that.

I sought therapy as a hail mary to save the relationship, or did I? I sometimes wonder if I wanted the therapist to side with me, to share with my husband that it was all his fault, the demise of our relationship was for him to own, and I got the gold star for being the model wife. I realize that I had 100% responsibility for my half of the relationship.

Working with thousands of couples I’ve found these 6 mistakes I see couples make that ruin their relationship and what you can do to ensure you don’t make these mistakes and kill your relationship.

Related: 6 Relationship Mistakes That’ll Break You Apart, No Matter The Love

6 Mistakes That Can Kill a Great Relationship

Mistake #1

Your life has become predictable. Are you just going through the motions? You go to work, come home, have dinner, or watch TV before falling exhausted and depleted into bed. There isn’t much variance or excitement happening. You don’t have much to look forward to and it almost feels like Groundhog Day. You know the movie with Bill Murray where he wakes up every day and it’s the same day over and over again. 

You may just look forward to that annual vacation you take with your family. To live 51 weeks out of the year in boredom and stagnation only to celebrate life one week out of the year is NOT living.

Challenge yourself and your partner to try to do something different occasionally. Think outside the box even if it is getting dressed up in fancy clothes on a Tuesday night to head to an average restaurant for dinner. What will they think? 

Or the reverse, do a goodwill date. Head to your local thrift store and you each have a budget of $10 to pick out an outfit for each other and you must wear whatever your partner picks out.  Put it on in the dressing room and then head to dinner. The fun part is watching the staff’s wonderment in why you’re wearing a Christmas vest in July. It’s a hoot.

Mistake #2

You stopped dating each other. Your date night is relegated to dinner which is boring and predictable. You frequent the same restaurants and are creatures of habit. But it’s so comfortable to go to familiar spots for dinner. You can’t remember the last time you went on a real date, a doing date, an experience. 

You fantasize about the good old days before kids and the busyness of life when your partner would ask you on a date and you had no idea what you were doing or where the night may take you.  The anticipation of what would transpire gave you goosebumps and your tummy felt like it was filled with butterflies of the excitement of what was to be.

What causes those butterflies anyway?  Is it possible to have them after the new love phase has passed?

We get those butterflies when we were excited with anticipation and maybe a little bit of fear. Fear of the unknown. Does your date like you as much as you like them?  Will you make it to first base or a home run tonight? Will they like the experience? There are so many things that increase excitement and desire, and planning a date for your love is an easy way to fan the flames of love.

Related: 8 Little Known Mistakes That Can Wreck Your Relationship

Mistake #3

Conversations are relegated to work, kids, and logistics. While at your favorite local restaurant you frequent you are both surfing the web on your phones or having the same boring conversations about what happened at work that day. You may also talk about the kids or whose taking them to school or activities this week.

Did you talk about these things when you were first dating? You may have talked about your past and your future. Some topics of conversation may have been your hopes and dreams of the future. You may have discussed your bucket list desires. Where do you dream of traveling one day soon or in the future?

Buy a box of table topics or other conversations starters and take a few with you the next time you go out to dinner. Leave your phones at home or in the car and give each other your undivided attention. Maybe be incognito and give yourselves alter egos and a new identity for the night to spice things up.

Related: 8 Most Common Mistakes That End Even The Happiest Relationships

Mistake #4

Sex. You can’t remember the last time you had sex. Maybe you’ve noticed that you used to have sex once a day and now you are lucky if its once a month. It’s a little bit of a conundrum because you need to be in the mood to desire sex and what makes you in the mood is usually feeling desired or appreciated.

But if your love bank account isn’t full then you may feel depleted which makes you less interested in making your partner feel desired and appreciated which brings us back to the original point.

How do you get out of this vicious cycle?  You need to connect with your partner and do things that fill their love account to get them in the mood and they need to do things to fill your love account, so you are in the mood.

Then each of you takes turns planning something romantic that either starts or ends in the bedroom to spark the flames of love. I love having dessert first and what I mean by dessert is SEX. Start your night off with sex before dinner or any activity when you are too tired or too full to feel sexy.

Mistake #5

Sweep your irritations and disappointments under the rug. Your partner forgets your anniversary or maybe they don’t notice or appreciate that you spent several hours cleaning up the house because they love a neat and tidy house. When you want to stay up late with friends or go out dancing, they are too tired but have no problem staying out late kicking up their hills with work colleagues or friends. 

You hold it all inside for weeks or months but then one day you just burst and dump all your resentment and anger for all the things they did or didn’t do that depleted your love account and you end up in a huge fight with zero positive results.

Instead, when something bothers you, really look at how it made you feel. Then when you’re not triggered or upset, ask to speak with your partner and share why/how you feel and what could make you feel better or different in the situation. I also recommend having a monthly check-in conversation. 

Related: 6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

Mistake #6

Neither of you expresses your deepest desires to your partner yet you secretly hope they will somehow just know what’s important to you. You secretly want them to help cook dinner more often or plan a surprise date for the two of you. Maybe you wish they would call you or text you sweet nothings during the middle of the day or bring home flowers just because. 

Whatever it is I’m pretty sure that your partner desires to see you happy but probably isn’t a mind reader. If you don’t share with them what you need how can they know? Maybe you’re afraid they won’t act on your requests or maybe you’re afraid that you will seem needy or that you want too much and should be grateful for what you have.

We live in a world of infinite possibilities, and you desire to have the life of your dreams with the person of your dreams and have all your hopes and desires fulfilled right here right now. So, get going and ask for what you want. If you don’t ask, you don’t get it!


Written By Dana Lam
Originally Appeared On Surprise Date Challenge
Mistakes That Can Kill A Great Relationship pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

Disorganized Attachment In Relationships: 10 Signs To Look Out For

Signs Of Disorganized Attachment In Relationships

Relationships can be complex and sometimes leave us feeling confused and emotionally overwhelmed. Have you ever experienced a rollercoaster of mixed signals and conflicting emotions with your partner? Do you find yourself wanting closeness one moment and pushing them away the next? If these questions resonate with you, you may be dealing with disorganized attachment in relationships.

In this article, we will explore disorganized attachment style, what causes disorganized attachment, signs, and impact on relationships. By understanding disorganized attachment style, you can begin to unravel the complexities that hinder your ability to form secure and harmonious connections.



Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadows—figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes



Up Next

How To Deal With A Jealous Partner

How To Deal With A Jealous Partner: Practical Tips

Jealousy is a normal part of any romantic relationship and to some extent it can even be healthy. But when your partner becomes excessively jealous it can turn toxic. Let’s explore how to deal with a jealous partner and build a healthier relationship. 

Love and jealousy

It’s a tale as old as time – two individuals come together, in love and hopeful for the future, only for one person to find themselves troubled by the other’s past relationships or experiences. 

If this rings true for you, you’re dealing with what’s termed as “retroactive jealousy“. It can be painful, destructive, and truly challenging, especially if



Up Next

Codependency or Love? 8 Signs Of Enmeshment In Romantic Relationships

Eight Signs Of Enmeshment In Romantic Relationships

Ever felt like you’re too close in your relationship? When two become one, where’s the “me” in the “we”? Welcome to the world of enmeshment in romantic relationships. It’s where deep love can sometimes feel like a tight squeeze. So, are you in a cosy embrace or a restrictive hold?

Join us as we shed light on these blurred boundaries and help you find your footing. It’s all about striking the right balance: being close yet maintaining your own space.

Ready to dive deeper into understanding enmeshment in romantic relationships and balancing your love connection? Let’s get started.



Up Next

Dating Someone With Relationship OCD? 7 Strategies For Supporting Your Loved One

Dating Someone With Relationship OCD? Seven Essential Insights

Relationships are built on trust, understanding, and commitment. These are the pillars that hold a relationship steady, even when storms come. And just like any challenge in life, some storms are tougher than others. One such challenge is when you are dating someone with Relationship OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). 

This condition can bring unique difficulties, but with knowledge and patience, you can meet these challenges head-on. When you are dating someone with OCD and anxiety, both of you must make an effort to understand this disorder.

When both of you are informed, you can navigate the challe



Up Next

What Is A Summer Fling? 20 Tips On How To Have A Summer Fling

What Is A Summer Fling? Twenty Strategies To Have A Summer Fling

Warm breezes, sandy beaches, and a whirlwind romance that lasts just a season – ever wondered what is a summer fling? Dive in as we unravel this sun-kissed mystery and give you the ultimate guide on how to have a summer fling.

What Is a Summer Fling? 

The quintessential charm of summer lies in its fleeting nature, much like the brief but passionate encounters we often refer to as “summer flings”. What is a summer fling? 

It’s a



Up Next

What Is a Serial Dater? The Underlying Psychology and 5 Warning Signs

What Is a Serial Dater? Underlying Psychology and Five Signs

Have you ever come across someone who seems to be constantly dating, jumping from one relationship to another with lightning speed? They just might be a serial dater. What is a serial dater, you ask? 

Serial daters always have a new partner on their arm, leaving behind a trail of broken hearts. If you’ve ever wondered what drives these individuals to engage in such a whirlwind of romantic entanglements, then you’ve stumbled upon the world of serial dating. 

Let’s explore what it means to be a serial dater, identify the telltale signs of a serial dater, and delve into the complexities of this dating phenomenon. So, fasten your seatbelts as we embark on a journey to understand the enigmatic world of serial dating.