This Is How Prioritizing Work Is Killing Your Relationship

Are You In A Loveless Relationship Heres What You Can Do 3

How Prioritizing Work Is Killing Your Relationship: Are you a workaholic? Does your partner complain that you are always working? Is your work killing your relationship? Workaholism or work addiction can be a silent relationship killer. Itโ€™s one thing to be passionate about your work, but when you ignore your partner for your work, itโ€™s time to take notice. Prioritizing work is not just killing your relationship, but it can also adversely affect your career as well.

โ€œWorkaholics arenโ€™t heroes. They donโ€™t save the day, they just use it up. The real hero is home because she figured out a faster way.โ€ โ€“ Jason Fried

The invisible addiction

Itโ€™s often referred to as โ€˜the invisible addictionโ€™ because it flies under the radar. Unlike alcoholism, drug addiction, or hoarding, this addiction is not only almost impossible for an outsider to recognize, but itโ€™s viewed by most of the population as being valuable, even, worthy of admiration. And itโ€™s rewarded with praise, money, and a variety of other benefits. Thereโ€™s only one problem with it: itโ€™s a killer. Itโ€™s been known to destroy health (physical and mental), well-being, pleasure, and relationships. Itโ€™s a four-letter word that rhymes with a jerk. And starts with โ€˜wโ€™.

The term โ€˜workaholicโ€™ refers to the tendency to be obsessed with or over-concerned about work to the degree that one invests so much time and effort working and/or thinking and talking about work that other important areas of life (like relationships) are neglected or impaired.

Like food addiction, workaholism isnโ€™t something that we can just kick cold turkey or even gradually. Meeting our material and physical needs depend upon our ability to generate income and for most of us that involve work. Although doing so isnโ€™t easy, it is possible to quit drinking or quit taking drugs. We canโ€™t, however, quit working, that is unless we are independently wealthy, which most of us are not. And even if we are, work provides us with more than money. For most of us, it gives our lives with a sense of meaning, purpose, and usefulness that enhances our self-esteem and wellbeing.

Having meaningful work is one of the best ways to diminish feelings of depression and minimize the likelihood of getting the blues in the future.

โ€œThe quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.โ€ โ€“ Anthony Robbins

When too large a part of our motivation to work is driven by a desire to fill psychological needs, we can become blind to the degree to which we may be compromising or diminishing our overall quality of life in order to meet emotional needs.

Relationships are a source of fulfillmentย 

There is a domain in our life that is more geared to the fulfillment of our emotional needs and that domain is, you guessed it, relationships. Unfortunately, when much of our time and energy are consumed with work, relationships often tend to be neglected, and consequently, we lose access to this very vital source of fulfillment. Itโ€™s ironic that in opting to overly invest in work, we lose touch with something potentially far more enriching.

Ironic, but not surprising, since itโ€™s human nature to choose commitments that we feel more skilled in over those in which we feel ourselves to be less competent. Like many men, in my younger days, I was preoccupied with work, partly because with three young kids, I felt obligated to stay on track in regard to my work in order to keep the wolf away from the door. I gave an increasing percentage of my time and energy to work, not just because I wanted to keep bringing home the bacon or in our case, the tofu (it was the 80โ€™s) but because work was something that I felt competent in, could do pretty well and got a lot of satisfaction from. Parenting and husbanding, on the other hand, was far less fulfilling, kind of boring, and something that I felt myself to be inept at, so I opted to have my contribution to the family take the form of a paycheck, rather than more of my presence.

This decision led to predictable results: unhappy marital partner (Linda), unhappy kids, unhappy self, since itโ€™s hard to be happy when those whom you love arenโ€™t, and a hardcore work addiction which turned out to be about as difficult to kick as heroin. As it turned out I did go cold turkey and fortunately, Linda was willing and able to trade roles and responsibilities with me while I got to find out first hand what the saying โ€œa womanโ€™s (parentโ€™s) work is never doneโ€ really means.

โ€œRelationships are not about โ€˜I want thisโ€™ or โ€˜I want thatโ€™, they are about two people caring for the otherโ€™s desires.โ€ โ€“ unknown

The job at home is harder

I got to see what I had been avoiding by feeding my addiction. In doing so, I got to really connect on a deep level with Linda, the kids, and myself. I also got to experience and appreciate what is involved in being a full-time child-caregiver. I saw that work, for me anyway, was a vacation by comparison. I became completely disabused of my illusion that the unpaid job that I had inside of the home side was a hell of a lot harder and more demanding than the paid job that I had outside of the home was easier than the work side. On the plus side, I got to see how in being home and spending more time with the kids I found a different and in many ways more satisfying kind of fulfillment than the short-term bursts of ego-pleasure that I got from my outside job.

Leaving a job or trading roles isnโ€™t an option for most of us these days. We were a one-income family when I quit work and became a full-time householder for a year. That year was 1987 and things were different thirty years ago. These days two-income couples are the norm and most families canโ€™t get by with just one. Consequently, the pressure to work hard and demonstrate oneโ€™s productivity and indispensability is strong. Perhaps that is one of the factors that put America at the bottom of the list of countries that provide paid vacations, which includes every developed nation except for the United States.

The U.S. is the only country that does not by law require employers to provide paid vacations. While 75% of American employees do receive some paid vacation time, they use only 51% of what is available, a smaller percentage than any other developed country. The European Union requires all countries to provide a minimum of 20 paid vacation days annually, and some, provide much more. France and Finland require at least 30.

The average amount of vacation days received by Americans annually is 10. Notably, according to a study conducted by the Families and Work Institute, โ€œHaving paid vacation time bodes well for personal health and well-being as well as job satisfaction and intent to stay in oneโ€™s job.โ€

It sounds like a win-win all around. So why arenโ€™t we as individuals and as a society acting accordingly? Good question. Iโ€™d love to answer it but Iโ€™ve got to get back to work.

Hereโ€™s a helpful video from the globally renowned author, and life coach Tony Robbins that you may find interesting:

Find the work-relationship balance

โ€œNever let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.โ€ โ€“ Barbara Johnson

Balancing your personal relationship and a demanding career can surely be a challenge. But the fact is millions of people are doing just this around the world, often more effectively than most others. Although your partner understands your passion and drives for your work, in the long run, it can lead to involuntary anger, frustration, and emotional pain. There is no doubt that if you prioritize your work more than your relationship, your relationship will come to an end, sooner than later.

Itโ€™s a great feeling to take pride in your work, especially when your performance is officially appreciated and awarded. But your life is more than your work and your relationship is more than the paycheck that you bring home so proudly. Even though you may still love and care for your partner a lot, not paying enough attention to them can have dire consequences for your relationship.

You need to show your partner that they mean more to you than your career, regardless of how passionate you are about your work. When you heal your relationship with the love, understanding, and attention it needs, when you take efforts to nurture it, you will realize how much value your partner can add to your career. Their support can bring a world of difference to the work you feel so passionate about.

Every romantic relationship is like a beautiful garden that requires regular, consistent and balanced tending to flourish. Balance your time in a way that you can give enough to your relationship, your work and yourself.

Make some effort and connect with your partner.ย 

Because money canโ€™t buy you, love.


Linda and Charlie Bloom are excited to announce the release of their third book, Happily Ever After . . . and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams.

Weโ€™re giving away 3 e-books absolutely free of charge.ย The Ten Biggest Things Weโ€™ve Learned Since We Got Married,ย Your Guide to Great Sex, andย An End to Arguing.
To receive them just click here:


How Prioritizing Work Is Killing Your Relationship
Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom

Originally appeared in Psychology today

You may also like:

Work-Life Balance: How To Not Let Your Career Kill Your Love Life
Struggling with Your Work-Life Balance? Hereโ€™s How to Improve it
How Repeated Conflicts Destroy Love in Relationships
The Hidden Intimacy Killer Damaging Your Relationship
How Technology Is Ruining Marriage And Relationships

This Is How Prioritizing Work Is Killing Your Relationship

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Canโ€™t Get Out Of Bed? You Might Have Clinomania!

Harmful Clinomania Symptoms And How To Treat It

Ever had those mornings (or afternoons) when your bed feels like a black hole, sucking you in with an invisible force? You tell yourself, just five more minutes, but before you know it, half the day is gone. If this sounds all too familiar, you might be dealing with clinomania.

Learn more about this condition, before the need to stay in bed goes beyond laziness and turns into an actual struggle. So, letโ€™s explore!

Read More Here:

Up Next

7 Foods That Make You Happy And Chase Away The Blues

Best Foods That Make You Happy Instantly!

Dealing with stress, anxiety, or sadness? What if we told you that food could help lift your mood? Below are 7 foods that make you happy by triggering the release of feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine. 

Itโ€™s natural for curveballs and life stressors to get the best of you but a comforting dish or a nutrient-packed snack can help chase away the blues and bring a smile to your face. 

So without further ado, make the right food choices! Here are 7 best foods for happiness that can help improve your mood and leave you feeling more energized.

Read More Here: What Your Food Crav

Up Next

The Scandinavian Sleep Method: The Nordic Way To Peaceful Sleep and Relationships

Scandinavian Sleep Method Interesting Benefits Of It

Are you tired of the nightly battle over the covers? Do you and your partner constantly disturb each other trying to stay warm and cozy? The Scandinavian sleep method is a simple bedroom tweak that could save your relationship from the nightly tug-of-war.

Most couples often have minor disagreements when it comes to sharing a bed. Like one partner hogging the blanket, taking up too much space, or snoring can lead to frustration and create small conflicts.

If this sounds all too familiar, then it’s time to consider a simple yet revolutionary solution โ€“ the Scandinavian Sleep system. So letโ€™s learn more about it!

Up Next

7 Things Unhappy People Do That You Should Avoid

Habits of Unhappy People (And How to Break Them)

We all know someone who just canโ€™t seem to shake off that cloud of negativity. You know the type: always complaining, never satisfied, and just plain miserable. Maybe you’ve even caught yourself slipping into these same habits of unhappy people from time to time. It’s easy to fall into habits that slowly drain the joy out of life without even realizing it. But donโ€™t worryโ€”you’re not stuck there forever.

In this post, weโ€™re going to talk about 7 habits that unhappy people often have, and more importantly, how to break free from them. Spoiler alert: itโ€™s not as hard as you think!

7 Habits of Unhappy People

Dwelling on the Negative

Up Next

Mental Wellness: 10 Ways to Keep Your Mind Healthy in 2025

Mental Wellness Ways to Keep Your Mind Healthy in

Modern life can lead to burnout, stress, and a sense of overwhelm. Our jobs, love lives, families, and social life demand so much time and effort that taking care of our minds is not a luxury but a necessity. Here are 10 ways to keep your mind healthy in 2025.

Maintaining mental wellness doesnโ€™t have to be complicated. There are simple yet impactful things you can do to keep your mind healthy, and help you cultivate a peaceful, positive life.

So, whether youโ€™re looking to enhance your focus, or simply feel more at ease with whatever challenges life throws at you, these 10 practical tips on how to keep your mind healthy will guide you towards better mental health in the year ahead.

Read

Up Next

The Magic of Brown Noise: Is It A Soothing Solution For Sleep? 5 Benefits To Know!

Brown Noise: Is It Good For Sleep? Great Benefits To Know!

Do you like sleeping with a relaxing sound playing in the background? Lots of people have found that brown noise helps them sleep better. But what is it and why does it work for so many people? Letโ€™s find out!

If you’re looking for a natural way to improve your sleep, and focus like a pro then in this article, we’ll take a deep dive into what does brown noise do, its benefits, and how it can change your sleep routine. Millennials and Gen-z who have trouble waking up or sleeping should definitely learn more about it!

Up Next

Are We Wrong About Weight and Health? The Truth Behind Common Myths

Are We Wrong About Weight and Health? Truth Behind Common Myths

Think weight and health go hand-in-hand? Not so fast! Thereโ€™s a lot more to the story, and some of what youโ€™ve heard might be way off track. This article is going to explore what people get wrong about weight and health, and how to change this mindset.

It is possible to be healthy no matter your size.

That pain in your knee that just wonโ€™t go away. The wince you feel every time you bend down to pet your dog. The grinding feeling in your joints during long walks.

You know you need to see a doctor. But every time you think about setting up an appointment, images from previous visits flash through your head: the way your heart raced as you stepped on the scale.

The flush in your cheeks as you saw the number. The embarrassment you f