How To Better Understand Your Partner: 8 Tips


better understand your partner

Do you want more closeness and intimacy in your relationship? Then you need to understand your partner better for greater depth in your romantic relationship. Having a strong sense of understanding in your relationship is not only going to help you keep your partner happy, but it will also help you have a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

Why Understand Your Partner Better

How well do you know your partner? The truth is, how well you know each other will determine how satisfying, meaningful, and lasting your relationship will be. Understanding implies a mutual appreciation of each other and respecting one another to be their genuine selves. 

When in a relationship, we want to feel heard, seen and understood. When you take efforts to better understand your partner, they feel validated, safe and secure in the relationship. This increases the emotional attraction and connection between partners leading to a more intimate and closer relationship. {2}

When you show that you are interested in your partner and want to know about what they think and feel, they will feel loved and cared for. They will feel valued and appreciated. And they will return the favor with equal intensity.

Related: 3 Best Questions To Ask Your Partner To Deepen Your Relationship

All of us have the basic need to be understood. And this can be a serious issue in any romantic relationship. Intimacy and relationships become deeper and strengthened when we feel heard, seen, and understood. But when you fail to show any interest in understanding your partner it can easily create cracks in your relationship by making your partner feel neglected, unvalued, and unloved.

When you understand your partner,{1} you are able to see things from their perspective, realize why they think and behave in a certain way, and predict their reactions to specific situations. It also allows your partner to be their genuine selves around you without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. It allows you to be more empathic and enjoy a stronger, deeper relationship.

How To Better Understand Your Partner

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Your ability to understand your partner is as crucial as love, commitment, and attraction. As all of us are unique and different, it becomes imperative that we put in some effort to know our partners and show them how much they mean to us. 

Here are a few ways for you to start understanding your partner better.

1. Pay attention.

Make sure you are fully present when you are with your partner. Pay attention to what your partner is saying without getting distracted by unnecessary things like your phone. Rebecca Wong adds “Your only role is to be another being for your partner to share their human experience with.” 

Apart from their words, you also need to pay attention to their body language as it is a crucial part of communication. By being more mindful, you can create a stronger bond with your partner.

2. Invest time to know them.

One of the most valuable things you can do is to take some time to understand your partner better. Spend more time with them and engage in different experiences that evoke different emotions. Observe them not as your partner, but as an individual who has complex thoughts and emotions. 

Once you start knowing them as a human being, you will start understanding them as a partner. So put in some time to know about their dreams, fears, passions, goals, strengths, weaknesses and imperfections.

3. Be patient.

When you take time out to know your partner better, do not expect things to progress fast. You are trying to understand a person, their thoughts, and their emotions. It has taken them years to become the person they are today and you can’t get a crash course in knowing your partner.

Think of it this way: It is a marathon, not a race. Know that it will take time. So make sure you are patient and allow the process to progress in it’s own pace. 

4. Understand yourself first.

How well do you know yourself? What are your dreams and fears? What drives you? What are your life goals and why do you have them? Before you go on a mission to understand your partner, you need to understand yourself better. Unless you identify and address your own thoughts and emotions, you cannot focus on someone else’s feelings. It will simply get in your way.

Find out what makes you happy or upset, what motivates you, what inspires you to make certain decisions. Understand who you are inside. Once you know the answer to these simple questions, it will become easier for you to understand your partner.

Related: 20 Profound Quotes By Carl Jung That Will Help You To Better Understand Yourself

5. Avoid being negative.

Negativity is like a flesh-eating bacteria that can slowly eat away even the best of relationships. Constant criticism, complaints & defensiveness can break the connection you share with your partner and turn your relationship toxic. As you start playing the blame game every time there is a problem, both you and your partner will become defensive. As a result, your partner will stop being their authentic selves preventing you from understanding them.  

Toxic behaviors in relationships can become habits and patterns and prevent us from building intimate connections. Learn to take responsibility for your actions.

6. Listen before you react.

When an issue crops up, make sure you give your partner the opportunity to explain before you start reacting. Irrespective of how big of a mistake they have made or how disappointed or angry you may be, allow them to explain themselves.

Listen to what they have to say and don’t jump to conclusions. This will allow you to gain some perspective and realize why they have done what they have done. As usual, communication is key. Focus on talking your way to a solution instead of an emotional outburst that can damage your relationship.

Listen to what they have to say and don’t jump to conclusions. This will allow you to gain some perspective and realize why they have done what they have done. As usual, communication is key. Focus on talking your way to a solution instead of having an emotional outburst that can damage your relationship.

Related: How To Tell If You’re In A Healthy Relationship (When You’ve Never Had One Before)

7. Motivate them to open up.

How well you understand each other as partners depends a lot on how much you share with each other. When you open up about your innermost thoughts and emotions, when you choose to be vulnerable before another human being, you invite them to meet your real, genuine self.

That’s when you truly start to know and understand your partner. Hence, it is crucial that you take steps to encourage your romantic partner to open up more about their feelings. 

Allow them the space to share what they think and feel, to talk about things that affect their lives and your relationship, directly or indirectly. This is the simplest way to gain a deeper understanding of your relationship. However, it is also important that you share your feelings as well by opening up to your partner.

8. Take a personality test.

Although most people shun personality tests, the Myers-Briggs personality test can be highly informative and help you significantly in understanding your partner or spouse. Taking a personality test together will not only act as a fun exercise, but it will also help you take a look at the psychological aspect of your partner’s personality.

This personality test, known as the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI), is a self-report tool that can help you understand someone’s personality type, inclinations, and strengths. With numerous MBTI personality tests available online, you can easily take one right now and find out more about your partner.

Build A Stronger Relationship

Trying to understand your partner is not a super complicated thing. All you need is love, patience, and the desire to know them. Now that you have some idea about how you should move ahead, simply follow your instincts and give full attention to them. Granted it will require some effort and practice, but in the end, it will all be worth it. 

Understanding your partner is the secret to keeping them happy, experiencing unconditional love and strengthening your relationship.

8 Ways To Better Understand Your Partner and Deepen Your Relationship
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