However I’m one to tease my meals, and killing is always a treat.
It sat on my shelf, with thoughtless porcelain eyes and the prettiest pink doll dress I could find.
Why did she have to be born still?
My cat is asleep beside my computer in his favorite spot.
I’ve buried him 10 times.
The wailing from the baby monitor just won’t stop.
Problem is, my daughter is with her mother this weekend…over 200 miles away.
My husband woke me up by kissing my cheek when he got home late.
This morning I checked my phone — he stayed with a friend last night.
The upstairs neighbors are awfully noisy.
I told my landlord… it’s been vacant for months.
My TV keeps turning on by itself.
It’s annoying, but what’s more worrisome is how it only shows footage of me standing in my living room.
“Home alone tonight :(“, she posted on Facebook around midnight.
But just as she heard an invisible whisper calling her name from the other end of the dark corridor, she realized being “truly” alone wouldn’t have been such a bad thing after all.
I have a recurring dream I’m murdered by a man I’d never met.
I thought it was stupid until I went on a blind date and saw him at the table.
My mom told me she had the best time playing with my little sister today.
My sister went missing in 2002 – they found her body in 2006.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
You’d better run, I’m coming for you.
I hate desperate, needy and clingy nice guys.
I really thought he would leave me alone once I killed him.
“Hello, Georgie!” The creepy-looking clown chuckled from beneath the sewers.
Bored with killing his pets, Georgie finally found someone new to play ‘games’ with.
I sobbed as my daughter begged me not to pull the trigger.
It gets harder and harder to kill her each time she Returns.
John was relieved when the shadow in the graveyard turned out to be an old caretaker chipping at a grave.
Until the man turned around and said, “They spelt my name wrong.”
All I ever wanted was to be skinny like the models, so for my third wish, I told the genie I wanted to lose 50 pounds.
Did you know that one human leg weighs about 25lbs?
That awkward girl from high school turned out so smoking hot nobody recognized her.
She was only identifiable by her dental records.
As she finally drifted off to sleep, she felt the cold, bony fingers caress her body.
She prayed it was just a dream.
I thought the landlord was joking when she told us there were rumours this house was haunted.
Until the real one walked in apologising for being late.
Last night, I could have sworn I saw someone outside of my window, looking in at me.
I was so hopeful, but of course, there is no one left.
I thought telling the genie “I want to live forever” was the ultimate win.
But the universe went dark 3 billion years ago, and I’m desperate for “forever” to get here.
I sleep next to the love of my life every single night.
She just doesn’t know it
It’s been 37 years, still, the bloodstain from the day I stabbed her to death is visible in my arm.