10 Reasons You Hate Your Ex And Why You Really Shouldn’t

 / 

Reasons You Feel Like Hating Your Ex

Going through a divorce is not a pleasant experience to have, and more often than not, you find that you hate your ex. But when you hate your ex, you are just causing yourself more pain. This article will dive deep into the reasons you hate your ex, what to do when you hate your ex, and how to not hate your ex.

You have just gone through the biggest crisis of your life, your divorce. It was costly, scary, and miserable, and you thought it would never end. In fact, maybe it still isn’t finished. There are so many reasons why you could hate your ex forever. Here are a few of the most popular.

10 Reasons You Hate Your Ex And Why You Really Shouldn’t

1. Your ex betrayed you.

Maybe it was an affair, or maybe it was the decision to leave you. Maybe your ex let you down in another way.

In any case, you are feeling abandoned, possibly replaced, and it is probably unforgivable. In fact, you’d like your ex to suffer as much (or more) than you are.

Related: 7 Things We Often Forget To Thank Our Exes For

2. You are emotionally unhinged (and it is your ex’s fault).

You are easily triggered to righteous anger, and even though you know it would be better for the kids if you could set your feelings aside, you just can’t seem to control those emotions. After all, righteous anger feels better than depression.

You cannot stop yourself from telling almost everyone you meet how your ex has screwed up your life and the kids. You think they ought to know all about it.

3. You believe that divorce is morally bad, bad for your kids, and just plain wrong.

You made those wedding vows and now you wonder if they meant anything at all.

hate your ex
Don’t hate your ex

4. You cannot believe you have to add “divorced” to your resume.

You are embarrassed, ashamed, and feel like a failure. You feel unlovable and unworthy of love. You hate asking for help or support so you suffer alone or vent your grievance story repeatedly to your family and friends.

Related: Why Having Sex With Your Ex Is A Really Bad Idea

5. Your ex has moved on already, but you are stuck.

You think you may never move on. You can’t stop thinking about the divorce. It’s become an obsession that you can’t let go.

It is interfering with your work, you can’t sleep, and you’re watching a lot of TV while you eat junk food. All you think about is negative, you can hardly remember anything good about your ex anymore.

6. You feel all the losses are irreparable.

You have lost the person you once loved and who was supposed to love you forever. You have also lost money, property, and time with your children. You can’t imagine that you’ll ever get over these losses.

7. You still love your ex or believe that you were meant to be together.

You still think your ex will come to her or his senses and come back to you, but after all this, you’ll never want your ex back again.

In fact, you wish you never had to see your ex again, but unfortunately, with the kids, you do have to see him or her, but you do your best to minimize contact. You try to avoid saying hello when you run into each other and sit as far away as possible at your kids’ soccer games.

8. It is too bad, but the kids should know what’s what.

They should align with you and know that your ex is to blame for breaking up the family.

Of course, you know the experts say your kids “should” love both parents, but you also think they should know the “truth” about what really happened. Besides, you believe it is wrong to lie or keep “secrets” from your kids.

Related: How To Heal When Your Ex Has Moved On But You Haven’t

9. You cannot imagine that you can have a better future, and you want all your friends and family to know how badly you have been wronged.

You can’t let go of feeling like the victim, because that anger makes you feel like you’ve retained some sense of power.

It feels good to stay angry. Besides, if you did let go of it, you would have to look at yourself and your own role in the breakup.

10. Finally, your ex still treats you badly.

Your ex is critical of your parenting, judgmental, and self-righteous. Your ex makes demands on you, emails you constantly and expects an immediate response, never shows up on time, interferes with your plans, and constantly wants to make changes to your schedule.

Your ex is rude on the phone and when you have to exchange the kids. You cannot just sit there and take it.

If any of these reasons sound familiar to you, you now know why it is so hard to get along with your ex. However, there is a significant cost to staying mad and continuing to hate your ex forever. Is it worth the cost? The decision is in your hands.

Don’t hate your ex

5 Reasons You Need To Stop Hating Your Ex

1. Your mental health will suffer.

You are set up for depression and anxiety, and over time these problems can become chronic. You need to develop skills to forgive and let go of your anger.

You probably should look at your role in the marriage and the breakup so that you can learn from your own mistakes and not repeat them. Your next relationship will be better if you do this.

Related: How To Be Happy Again After A Breakup: 5 Things To Do

2. Your physical health will suffer.

If you neglect your self-care and stay angry, you can develop all kinds of stress-related health conditions. Instead of focusing on your ex, focus on good eating habits, exercise, sleep, and cultivating new pleasurable activities.

3. Your relationships with others, including your kids, will suffer.

Your friends and family may tire of the stories and wonder when you will “get over it.” More importantly, your children need you to be relaxed and calm when they talk about their other parent. If you try to win them to your side, you risk damaging your long-term relationship with them.

It is not healthy for kids to be put in the middle of adult conflict. If you turn to one of your kids as a confidante, it puts a burden on them that they were never meant to carry. Seek out adult relationships for support and consider working with a therapist to help you recover.

4. It will be tough to move on and create a new, healthy and happy relationship.

No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who can’t stop thinking or talking about an ex or who hates his or her ex. They will get tired of hearing about how you were wronged.

It is possible to let go of the resentment and anger (and other emotions) so that you can build a better life for yourself.

Related: How To Finally Get Over Your Ex Even If It Feels Impossible

5. If you do not let go, you will not be able to co-parent very well.

No matter what you think of your ex, you love your children and want to be a good parent. In a divorce, your kids need you and your ex to co-parent them as well as possible.

Even if you think all your feelings, beliefs, and thoughts about your ex are justified, you can be a better co-parent if you can find a way to work with your ex in an amicable way.

Even if your ex continues to hate you forever, you will feel better emotionally and physically if you can let it go. Your kids will adjust to the divorce with less harm. You will create a new life for yourself.

Remember the old 1960’s anti-war bumper sticker, “What if they threw a war and nobody came?” It truly is a choice to stay angry. Sure, you believe you have a lot of reasons to hate your ex forever, but is it really worth the cost?


Written By Ann Gold Buscho
Originally Appeared On Dr. Ann Buscho
Reasons You Feel Like Hating Your Ex pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

When You Outgrow Love: What Is Grey Divorce And How To Thrive After

What Is Grey Divorce and How to Redefine Your Story

Divorce is never an easy decision to make. But sometimes life happens and you have to do the unimaginable. Grey divorce is one such experience that can feel like an unthinkable decision, yet, you know you just need to take the step. But what is grey divorce?

In life, at a certain stage we may feel that it is absolutely crucial that we start over, not only to survive but also to thrive. It becomes necessary that we step into the unknown regardless how scary or irrational it may sound. And the same goes for a marriage. 

Even if you may have shared a lifetime together and created lasting memories and experiences, a divorce may be the only option left for a happier, healthier and better life. That’s the reality for an increasing number of couples who find themselves in the realm of “grey divorce.” 



Up Next

7 Reasons People Regret Divorce: Understanding The Post-Divorce Journey

Reasons People Regret Divorce: The Post-Divorce Journey

There are many people who feel like they got a new lease of life after getting divorced, but there are also people who end up regretting divorce. But, why do some people regret getting a divorce? This article is going to focus on some of the reasons people regret divorce and what goes through their minds.

KEY POINTS

While divorce can be a healthy option for some people, others might experience pain and regret.

It’s not uncommon to underestimate the effects that divorce will have in various areas of life.

Therapy, communication, and time can help heal the wounds.

Acc



Up Next

7 Emotions You May Feel When You Decide To Divorce

When You Decide To Divorce: Unexpected Emotions You Feel

Making the decision to divorce is one of the hardest decisions to make. When you decide to divorce your spouse, you may feel a ton of emotions that you did not expect at all. This article is going to talk about those feelings and emotions so that if ever you make the decision to divorce, you know what to expect.

KEY POINTS

The decision to divorce is a personal and deeply emotional experience.

There is a common misperception that the person who decides to divorce doesn’t suffer from the decision.

The emotional journey is unique to each individual, and there are no right or wrong ways to feel.



Up Next

10 Honest Reactions Of Children To Divorce

Honest Reactions Of Children To Divorce

When two people divorce, we think about how they might be feeling about the breakdown of their marriage. What about the reactions of children to divorce? How does a child cope with divorce? How do children react to divorce? Let’s find out!

When your children experience your divorce, their reactions will vary depending on their ages, personalities, family dynamics, and the circumstances of the divorce. Some children will experience immediate distress, while others may not show signs of distress until later. Some children internalize their emotions and appear more resilient than they are.

However, the biggest factor affecting their reactions is the level of conflict between you and your spouse. Even if your children don’t witness conflict, they can sense it, even in the way that you hug them.



Up Next

5 Ways To Reduce The Stigma Of Divorce

Stigma Of Divorce: Ways To Normalize Divorce

One of the worst parts of getting divorced is the stigma that comes with it; the social stigma of divorce is sometimes more painful than the actual divorce. That’s why it’s important to normalize divorce and reduce this stigma of divorce. This article is going to explore the best ways to cut back on the stigma of divorce.

KEY POINTS

The language in Western cultures around divorce reinforces the stigma of divorce.

Normalizing divorce can reduce the stigma and foster a more supportive environment for those going through it.

Divorce is often a difficult and emotional process, and offering support can make a significant difference.



Up Next

How To Date A Widower? Finding Love Again

Dating A Widower: Tips and the Red Flags You Can't Ignore!

Picking yourself up after losing a spouse is a traumatizing experience. Learning how to date a widower will allow you to provide a safe space for healing for the man you love and care for.  

If you’re thinking about dating a widower, it’s important to know how to handle things. It can be a tricky road to navigate, but can provide you with a loving and fulfilling relationship.

This article is here to help you out. We’ll give you some simple tips and advice that can make things easier for you.

How To Date A Widower? 

When it comes to dating a widower, it’s essential to approach the relationsh



Up Next

How To Get Over A Failed Marriage

How To Get Over A Failed Marriage: Nine Strategies For Healing

Is your marriage going down the drain? Do you feel heartbroken, lost and confused, with no apparent way to make things better with your spouse? Well, you can still heal yourself and move on. Let’s explore how to get over a failed marriage.

A Union of Blessings or Pain?

Marriage is often considered a sacred bond between two individuals, filled with love, companionship, and dreams of a shared future. It is a union bestowed with blessings, often from a higher power.

However, not all marriages have a fairy-tale ending. When a