Slow down and think about what’s essential: Similar values, life goals that align, no obvious red-flags, and so on. Don’t ever rush a romantic relationship.
If it is meant to be, you won’t be ghosted or treated poorly just because you took it slow.
2. Believe you deserve a loving relationship where you are treated well (even if you don’t feel it yet).
People tend to have what’s called a “confirmation bias.” This is the tendency for you to interpret new evidence or information as confirmation of your existing beliefs.
For example, if you believe you are unworthy of love, you will filter out information that tells you that you are worthy of love and instead accept the evidence that supports this negative view.
This bias is a dangerous one that will also keep you stuck in the same patterns.
If you begin recognizing the positive information you’re ignoring, you may begin to change how you view yourself.
3. Focus on what you can effectively change, control, and fix.
Another person doesn’t fall into this category! You can’t change the past either, but you can learn and grow from it. You can make better decisions in your future.
You can rewrite your life narrative, which now includes partners who are consistent, reliable, emotionally engaged, and trustworthy.
You can also have a fulfilling and purposeful life with or without a romantic partner.
Science tells us that we are wired to repeat problematic behavior. This is actually a psychological and physiological drive to resolve the problem once and for all. The obvious concern is when you apply the same solution over and over after seeing it didn’t work the first time.
Figuring out new solutions and patterns takes a conscious effort, or your brain keeps firing down the familiar neural pathway it always has. This is true for many things you do and why habits are hard to change.
Your love life is not exempt from this fact. This is also why you repeat patterns even when they cause you pain and don’t help.
When you try a new relationship strategy, it may feel strange and uncomfortable, but that should provide some assurance that you are moving in the right direction.
Written by Marni Feuerman
Originally appeared in Yourtango
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