If your partner falls in the “not feeling remorseful” category, taking him or her back is ill-advised.
The cheater must see their fault or this person will never be able to connect with you emotionally and honestly. Even with a “bad marriage,” the accountability was still on your partner to problem-solve appropriately (seek therapy, talk to clergy). You should also hear the person verbalize sincere, genuine, and copious apologies.
4. Are you completely certain that the affair is over?
If your spouse remains involved with the other person on any level, then it isn’t completely over and you will never be able to move forward.
There must be NO CONTACT.
No Facebook friendship, no texts, no phone calls, no working together, no anything. Your spouse should be able to prove this to you beyond any doubt by being utterly transparent.
5. Is your relationship damaged beyond repair from this affair?
In some cases, it isn’t advisable to take back a cheater. If you aren’t married and don’t have children together, it may be best to go your separate ways after an affair. In addition, be warned that some people will continue to cheat whether or not they’re satisfied with their marriage. If this is the case, such a person is likely unable to stay faithful. It’s also imperative to find out if the cheating is a onetime affair or a pattern of multiple affairs.
It’s possible to rebound from an affair and have a happy marriage.
Related: Before You Cheat On Her Know This
If you’re able to clearly sift through the concerns listed and decide to work it out, it’s critical that you pursue marriage therapy together in order to work through the unfaithfulness. The goals of affair recovery therapy should be to work on forgiveness, re-build trust, and create a strong emotional connection.
Also, each person should be able to discuss their thoughts and feelings clearly and openly in regard to the transgression. If you do decide to take back a spouse after an affair, you must make a conscious decision to move forward and not remain stuck in that space between being bitter and forgiving. Only then can your marriage recover from infidelity.
Does your marriage need help? I’m Dr. Marni Feuerman, a licensed marriage therapist with specialized training in affair recovery. Feel free to reach out to me for help.
Cheating is always a painful thing to experience, and moving on from it is sometimes easier said than done. When you have caught your spouse cheating, do not make any decisions in haste; stop for a moment and ask yourself these questions, and focus on answering them honestly. It is only when you are genuinely satisfied with the answers, take them back. Otherwise, put yourself first and decide what works for you.