Parenting Burnout: How It Can Destroy Your Marriage

 / 

Parenting Burnout Destroy Marriage

Have you ever heard of parenting burnout? Parenting burnout is a hidden killer that ends up destroying more marriages than what people actually know of. Scary, but true. Having a child can bring so many positive changes in your married life, but if you do not take a break now and then, it will end up being detrimental for you and your marriage.

Why do so many couples unravel while parenting? Why do so many marriages self-destruct?

Of the kinds of parenting dilemmas I see in my office, parent burnout is among the most common and unrecognized. Remarkably, most parents donโ€™t even realize theyโ€™re suffering from it. Ask these parents when was the last time they took a break from parenting and they stare at you stupefied: โ€œYouโ€™re allowed to take a break?โ€

Alarming Parenting Statistics

According to a Wall Street Journal article โ€œHere Comes the Baby, There Goes the Marriageโ€ approximately two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationship plummet within three years of the birth of a childโ€”with motherโ€™sโ€™ dissatisfaction leading the way, and more women filing for divorce than men. Within five years after the birth of a first child, over 40 percent percent of couples will go their separate ways. Some studies report marriages failing within 18 months after the first child is born.

Clearly, couples are painfully unprepared for the demands of parenting; in fact, parenthood may be a frequent cause of separations, divorces, and failed relationships. (See โ€œTop Ten Parenting Mistakesโ€œ)

Signs of Parenting Burnout

If youโ€™re a burnt-out parent, youโ€™re exhausted in every way; youโ€™ve neglected yourself without mercy. Depleted emotionally, intellectually, and creatively, you stumble through your routines, doze off in mid-sentence, or stare at a computer or television screen in a weary hypnotic trance. Youโ€™ve probably even forgotten that you have needs. Is it any wonder that you suffer low energy, mood swings, and over-the-top reactions to frustration?

If you find yourself humorless, angry, critical oftenโ€”maybe itโ€™s not your child, partner or friends; maybe itโ€™s you.

The Roots of Self-Neglect

From the very beginning, parenting is rough on your body and mind. You sleep less, eat more. Healthy habits deteriorate. You stop exercising or socializing (especially with โ€œnon-parentโ€ types). Gradually, your life drifts off course, and your relationship sours.

Whatโ€™s more, children are gifted crisis creators, no matter what their age. They get sick, have accidents, lose things, and continually rearrange your priorities. The more time you spend running after them and tending to their needs, the less time you spend tending to your own.

Self-reflection is gone from your life. Soon you find yourself living in a reactive state, forever responding to your kidโ€™s never-ending wants while ignoring your partnerโ€™s needs too. Is it any wonder that your relationship starts to unravel?

Related: 3 Radical Acts of Self Care That will Help You Heal After Burnout

Personal Experience

In the year after the birth of my first child, I unwittingly gained thirty-three pounds. With new financial demands, I worked more hours than ever before. I ate poorly, slept poorly, suffered chronic back pain, and what little hair I had left on top of my head was soon gone. Seriously, all of itโ€”gone!

The worst part was the toll parenting took on my marriage. My wife and I spent less quality time together. And when we did, one of us was usually falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. In the mornings, weโ€™d bump up against each other near our coffee machine with this intimate exchange:

โ€œHey.โ€

โ€œHey.โ€

It took us years to overcome parent burnoutโ€”but it doesnโ€™t have to take you that long.

From Self-Neglect to Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is a vital part of being a good parent and a good partner. To get your life back, you donโ€™t need to spend a fortune on therapy. Start your recovery by reviewing this burnout prevention checklist.

1. Schedule a Weekly Date.

Being a parent is not an identityโ€”itโ€™s part of who you are. As soon as possible, arrange for babysittersโ€”relatives, neighbors, friends. Itโ€™s crucial you put aside time for yourself and your partner. This is often surprisingly difficult, especially when youโ€™ve fallen into the habit of self-neglect.

Turn your attention to new topics and activities that have nothing to do with parenting. A well-rounded parent is always better than a burnt-out parent.

2. Keep Exercising.

I say this all the time in parent workshops, and here I go again: A cardio workout, thirty minutes for three times a week or more, cuts anxiety and depression up to 70 percent in most people. Walk, run, swim, bike, danceโ€ฆwhatever you fancy. Youโ€™ll feel better, have more energy, and less appetite for comfort food. If you have trouble committing to a weekly workout, sign up for a class, get a trainer or a gym buddy. Most parents report feeling better almost immediately. (See โ€œWhere Do You Store Stress in Your Body?โ€)

Creativity is a wonderful tension outlet. It soothes angst, awakens your muse, and brings new dynamism into your life. Look for new creative outlets or resurrect inspired activities that you enjoyed before you became a parent. Children love to see their parents be creative. Itโ€™s good modeling for your kid and good self-care for you.

3. Personal Adventures.

Parenting doesnโ€™t end personal growth. If youโ€™re stagnating in the same old routine, surfing the net, or watching an entire season of a NetFlix series in a few days, chances are youโ€™ve stopped challenging yourself. Kids respect parents who have a sense of purpose or mission that is beyond parenting.

Take a class, go to a museum, explore continuing education, attend a concert, join a writing group or book club, or take up another language. Look for activities that will stimulate you intellectually, emotionally, and creatively in new ways.

4. Keep Socializing.

Parenting can be very isolating. Spending every moment of your free time with your kids is not good for you or for them. Donโ€™t let your friendships fade away; pick up the phone, set up a time to see each other.

And for goodness sake, give the parenting-themed conversations a rest. Youโ€™ll be surprised how relieved you feel.

Related: Burnout: 6 Signs Youโ€™re Ready To Hit The Wall

Revitalize Your Life & Revitalize Your Relationship

Children want parents that they can be proud of. It strengthens and fortifies them, builds their confidence, and strengthens their sense of self. When you neglect yourself or succumb to burnout, you deny your kid a crucial need of pride in his or her parent. To cure your burnout and get your relationship back on track, start by weeding out the noxious roots of self-neglect. Not only for you and your partner but for your childโ€™s well-being.

For more such informative articles, visit www.SeanGrover.com


Written By Sean Grover
Originally Appeared In Sean Grover

When you have a child, your life changes, and as usual, there is good with the bad. Parenting burnout is a serious and legitimate issue that plagues many married couples; while some are able to overcome it, some marriages end up biting the dust. If you don’t want your marriage to a part of the latter, then follow these pointers to have both your child and your marriage on healthy and positive grounds.

Parenting Burnout Destroy Marriage pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

How To Become A Better Father And Create Lasting Memories With Your Kids

How To Become A Better Father: Tips and Tricks

Wondering how to become a better father? It’s a question that has echoed through the ages, as fathers play a vital role in shaping the lives of their children. 

The journey of fatherhood is a unique and rewarding experience that requires patience, love, and a deep commitment to personal growth. Let us explore the essence of a good father and provide actionable tips on being a good father. 

Whether you are a new dad or have been on this journey for a while, this guide will serve as a compass to help you navigate the challenges and joys of fatherhood.

Who is a Good Father?



Up Next

When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings: 9 Healing Strategies Every Parent Needs To Know

What To Do When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings: Tips

As parents, we invest our hearts and souls into raising our children, nurturing them with love, support, and guidance. However, as they grow into mature adults and carve their own paths, the dynamics of our relationship inevitably change. When your grown child hurts your feelings, whether intentionally or unintentionally, it can often be difficult to cope with.

This can leave us feeling confused, saddened, and unsure about how to navigate these emotional challenges. So today let us take a look at what to do when your grown child hurts your feelings so that you can heal yourself and your relationships.

How It Feels When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings

Imagine this: You’ve poured your he



Up Next

7 Ways To Heal From An Emotionally Unstable Mom

Emotionally Unstable Mom: Things That Can Help You Heal

Is you mother emotionally unstable? If you have an emotionally unstable mom, dealing with the effects of it can be challenging to say the least; it often leaves you with traumatic memories and complex emotions. However, you need to find ways to heal for your own emotional and mental well-being.

Explore 7 strategies that can greatly help you cope with an emotionally unstable mom.

Related: Raised By A Borderline Mother: Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal



Up Next

Bad Husband But Good Father? 8 Tips On How To Be A Better Dad And Husbandย 

Practical Tips on How to Be a Better Dad and Husband

Being married to a man who is a bad husband but a good father is a complex and challenging experience. It’s a situation where the joys and struggles of parenting coexist with the frustrations and disappointments of a strained marital relationship. So how to be a better dad and husband?

Today, we will try to gain a better understanding of the psyche of a bad husband but a good father and shed light on how you can encourage them to be both a better husband and father. Letโ€™s dive in.

Who Exactly is a Bad Husband and Good Father?

A bad husband can be someone who falls short in their role as a partner. T



Up Next

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Overcoming Her Legacy And Healing From The Wounds

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Healing From The Wounds

Having an emotionally absent mother can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional well-being, and that too from a very young age. This article is going to explore what it means to have an emotionally unavailable mother, how her emotional absence can affect you and how to heal from it and move on.

Growing up with a mother who wasnโ€™t emotionally available may have complicated your relationship with your emotions. Our early experiences of emotional attunement play an important part in the subsequent regulation of our emotions.

An emotionally absent mother may fail to develop the kind of satisfying attachment bonds in her children that make sustaining ordinary relationships possible.



Up Next

Only Child Syndrome: A Closer Look At The World Of An Only Child

Only Child Syndrome: Exploring An Only Child's World

What is the only child syndrome and how does an only child feel growing up without siblings? This article is going to talk about how it feels being an only child, and what it entails. So, let’s get started, shall we?

There is a stereotype that only children, children without siblings, fail to develop the ordinary social bonds and attachments that children with siblings do. The reality is more nuanced.

It does not follow that children with siblings are automatically more adaptable, more able to share, more able to understand group dynamics, but it is the case that only children didnโ€™t grow up having to deal with



Up Next

Child Parentification: The Cause, Signs, and Recovery

Clear Signs Of Child Parentification In Adults

Ever felt like you were the parent instead of the child? That might be child parentification. Let’s explore its causes, signs, and how to recover together.

The term child parentification was coined in 1967 by family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children.

It can happen when one parent is physically absent or when a dysfunctional family is under stress because a parent cannot perform their parental responsibilities.

Usually, this is due to a phy