And now she doesn’t act like that anymore. She’s worn out. Angry. Short-tempered. Frustrated. Disinterested in your penis. And seems to not even like or respect you anymore.
And now you’re angry and resentful, because your mom never treated your dad like this, or because you thought she was just going to take care of you the way your mother always did.
You’re angry because you haven’t changed that much, but she has, and you feel cheated because she said “I do” and now she’s acting like the man she married isn’t good enough.
You feel unwanted, disrespected, and ashamed.
But, probably without realizing it, you did it to yourself.
Because you have a home, and finances, and maybe children or pets or possessions of significance. You’re not kids anymore. But you still act like one. When you playfully mock your friends or your wife. When you leave your pants out, or a dish in the sink, or forget to do that thing you promised on your way home.
And all these little things add up.
Why are you making such a big deal about this! you wonder.
And now she CAN’T be a kid anymore. She can’t play and laugh and live carefree anymore. Because you are. And if she does it too, nothing will ever get done.
The clothes will never get washed. Meals will never be made. The kids will never have what they need.
You refused to take the next step.
So she HAD to.
And now she’s angry, resentful, sad and afraid.
Because you’ve left all the adult work to her.
But, more importantly?
You left her with no choices. And now she doesn’t get to be who she used to be.
And you want that girl back.
But she can’t come back.
Because there’s no such thing as time travel.
But the clock’s still ticking.
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This essay originally appeared on Must Be This Tall To Ride.
Originally appeared on TheGoodMenproject
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