The Pain of Non Belief or Doubting Victims: Why it is more horrific than abuse
Not being believed, can sometimes feel even more painful than the abuse itself. And I am not invalidating, or minimizing the affect and consequences of abuse, by making this statement, at all.
What I am doing, is describing how incredibly painful and devastating it is to not be believed.
The abuse itself, is horrific.
The pain of not being believed, of being neglected, the emotional and psychological destruction that non belief by others, after enduring severe abuse, is even more horrific. Because it adds on top of the already massive weight of pain and devastation abuse causes.
They aren’t two separate issues. They are combined.
Non belief, is like having the knife twisted.
The abuse being the knife being stuck in, the non belief being the severe pain of the knife being twisted in the already deeply painful wound.
I am only recently coming to understand the deep psychological effect of not having people you need in your life to believe you, decide to not believe you.
I’ve dealt with this my entire life, from childhood.
I’ve even had this with a whole load of religious people, having various levels of non belief about abuse I was completely honest in exposing. None of them believed me at the beginning of this whole issue. I think a few believe me now, after lies were told in the internal investigation report. But people still minimize it. For their own needs, not mine.
My advice to anyone dealing with a person who says they have been abused is…
If you choose to doubt the victim, not believe them, assume the truth is somewhere between what the accused says and what the victim says…..but the victim is being 100% honest – you are abusing the victim further – even if unintentionally.
If you choose to minimize what the victim has endured, support the abuser, then you are abusing the victim further – even if unintentionally.1 | 2 | 3