Relational Obedience: Why You Should NEVER Lose Yourself In Love

Losing yourself in love: Love feels great. Being in a loving relationship makes us happy. But it also fills our hearts with fear, insecurity and jealousy.

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As you fall deeper in love with the One, you increasingly become afraid of losing them. So to make sure they stay, you lose yourself in the relationship.

We become a whole new person that we can’t even recognize ourselves.  We become someone our partners can’t recognize either. Becoming inauthentic is an excellent recipe for a toxic relationship and an unfulfilled life.

“Never lose yourself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you.” – unknown


The Joy & Terror Of Losing Yourself in Love and Relationships

Ah, to fall in love… the spell… the fireworks.. the endorphins…the sex.. the fullness we feel with the One.

How sweet it is to be in love with you.
You complete me.
I am someone else with you.


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The escape from self infuses us with euphoria and joy like no other. Poets, romantics, and dreamers have written about it for centuries.

In you, I see me.
In you, I am infinite.
In you, all is possible.

The urge to merge, to be with no other, to dive deep into love. It is truly one of life’s most pleasurable states. We seek it, crave it, and want it badly.

We open our hearts, trust, and jump into love’s incantation.

And then in time, we want more. To be in the spell daily, to live it 24/7, to fully enter the dream of what life can be like together.

We move in together, we go to sleep together, wake up together, share meals together. We make our lives together.

And it’s good. We are attentive, loving, and feel the sweetness of love.

But then agitations creep in. Judgments surface. Annoyances. Doubts. Concerns. The joy of losing our self in the other diminishes. It begins to feel burdensome.

Life on the relationship road feels narrow, constricted, claustrophobic.

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Stuart Motola
Stuart Motola specializes in helping individuals and couples attract and maintain a fulfilling partnership. He helps individuals attract who they seek (i.e. date more effectively), kill the voice of desperation and aloneness, and know the difference between a love that makes you big versus a love that makes you small. He teaches couples how to repair after conflict, cut unconscious cycles of projection and blame, communicate more responsibly, and to take risks to reignite passion and aliveness. Stuart has shared his expertise as a coach, author, speaker, and facilitator throughout the world and wrote the #1 Amazon best-selling book “Fixing You Is Killing Me: A Conscious Roadmap To Knowing When To Save And When To Leave Your Relationship.”
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