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How To Overcome The Need To Please: 6 Step Guide

How To Overcome The Need To Please

5. Remember that most of the time it’s more about them than it is about you.

Barring some egregious behavior on our part, a great majority of the time, another’s dislike of us is more of a reflection on them. If we see something in another person that we don’t like about ourselves, we often project.

Projection is a defense that we all use to avoid facing the not-so-pretty parts of ourselves. It often explains what happens when someone meets us for the first time and immediately takes a dislike to us or makes a snap judgment without getting to know us. Those who have higher self-esteem and feel more secure with themselves tend to do this less.

As carefully as we may try to tiptoe through life in an effort not to offend, inevitably we will fail. While we do have control over what comes out of our mouths and what we throw others’ way, how it lands on them is not in our control. Each person interprets the world through their own unique lenses and life experiences.

What may turn off one person may attract another. It is our intention that matters. How they choose to receive it is on them.

Overcoming The Need To Please
Overcoming The Need To Please

6. Creating a life worth living.

Imagine how much time we lose each moment we squash our authentic selves in an effort to be liked.

If we base our inherent worth on the fleeting opinions of others, we cheat ourselves of the power with which we were born–the power to shape our experiences and embrace life and our brief time here with compassion—not only for others but also for ourselves—because ultimately, there is no difference.

Embrace the cliché and love yourself. It’s highly doubtful that you will regret it.

If you want to know more about letting go of the need to please, then check this video out below:


Written by Allison Abrams
Originally Appeared In Huffpost
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How To Overcome The Need To Please: 6 Step Guide
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Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Allison Abrams, LCSW-R, is a licensed psychotherapist in NYC, mental health advocate, author and contributing writer for Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, Verywell, Thrive Global, and Good Therapy. She is a media expert for outlets such as USA Today, Women's Day, Reader's Digest, Prevention, Yahoo, Washington Post, Business Insider, NBC, Elite Daily, and Livestrong. Allison is passionate about empowering men and women to overcome adversity and gain the confidence needed to thrive and achieve success.View Author posts