How To Manage Your Anger And Never Let It Control You: 7 Tips

 / 

manage your anger

Do you consider yourself a short-tempered person? Do you find yourself trying to manage your anger more often than you would like?
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

Sitting in my car for 45 minutes on a Monday morning in bumper-to-bumper traffic for a drive that should have taken 5 minutes was my breaking point. I sat there thinking, “I hate my life right now.” It was a disastrous morning. Everything that could have gone wrong did. My daughter was up all night teething, my toilet overflowed and flooded my bathroom, and my dog came in from outside and destroyed my floor with his mud and poop-covered paws. At that point, I could have snapped at Mickey Mouse. I looked at the car to the right of me trying to cut me off and thought, “Go ahead and try it, man.” My middle finger was ready to go.

All my training, meditation practice, and efforts to be rational disappeared; my centered self was nowhere to be found. As the anger coursed through my veins, it happened: I went from being a rational person to being totally insane.

Anger can do that. It can make the calmest person look like the Hulk on steroids. When an emotion that powerful rages through your body, it’s easy to lose yourself, your values, and everything you stand for.

Manage Your Anger
Manage Your Anger

The rational and humble part of me understands that the things I was experiencing that morning could have been a lot worse. However, the pile of annoyances, coupled with my lack of sleep created the perfect recipe for me to lose it. I was Dorothy in Oz, confused about what reality I was in, wanting to get back to my world, but not knowing the way.

When anger boils in your blood, it’s easy to get swept away from your reality. It wasn’t until I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and clicked my heels together that I was able to find my way to life and myself again.

Read Buddha And The Angry Man, A Story That Will Change Your Perspective On Anger

As most of you probably already know, anger can push us to think and say crazy things. We actually believe we make sense when, in reality, we’re completely irrational. Like a drunk person who doesn’t know when it’s time to stop, anger hinders your judgment and makes you unaware of what’s going on.

That’s because when you’re angry, you’re under the influence of strong chemicals. The amygdala, the part of your brain that initially triggers anger, is one of the most primitive parts of the brain. After your amygdala alerts your body that you’re angry, your adrenal gland kicks into action. Adrenaline is a chemical that increases your heart rate, forcing body contractions and blood flow to your brain and muscles.

Your body then starts producing more testosterone, a chemical that kicks your aggression into a higher gear. When your body reacts to your rage, it ramps up the intensity by making you even more manic.

This is why anger can make you say and do crazy things that don’t reflect the truth of who you really are. Contrary to what people think, anger doesn’t make you speak the truth. It makes you speak from the most primitive part of yourself. Basically, you may get a more rational conversation from a four-year-old than from an angry person.  

I know a lot about anger and its consequences, I ran an anger management group for convicted felons. Yes, you read that correctly, little me ran a group for a group of people who had been arrested at one point because of their anger. It wasn’t my favorite job—everyone in the group always seemed so mad about something—but I learned a lot in the process.

The number one thing I learned is that it isn’t necessarily the situation that makes us angry but what we tell ourselves about it.

During my time as a facilitator for the anger management group, I heard it all: “He cut me off on purpose! He was out to get me! That’s why I had to pull out my gun.” “She deserved to get punched! She was in my face, waving her finger and yelling at me.” “He cut me in line. I was waiting, and the jerk just walked right in front of me. I had to push him out of the way.”

That’s how the angry thoughts seduce you into acting out and getting you even more enraged—thinking the other person purposely and maliciously did something to you and you had no choice but to retaliate. It makes sense: If you feel attacked, you attack back.

Read 3 Phrases That Will Instantly Calm Angry or Emotional People

However, no one in my group was actually in any danger. The danger was in their thought process. Anger is most likely a result of misunderstanding other people’s actions and assigning our own meaning to them.

When people respond to situations with anger, most likely there’s more to the story. Behind their rage might be a fear of being hurt, a fear of not being able to stand up for themselves, or a fear of unjust or unfair things happening. These are all reasonable feelings. However, when those rational feelings are expressed through anger, the situation can become worse.

Since anger can lead to aggressiveness, it’s important to try to tap into your rational mind when you start to feel yourself getting angry. The goal is to learn how to self-soothe and self-regulate, working with the distress and negative feelings that are fueling the anger. Work on talking yourself down versus working yourself up.

For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of assuming “He saw me and must have done that on purpose!” think to yourself, “They must not have seen me, or maybe they had a long day. It’s nothing personal to me.”

It’s important to remember that anger is a normal human emotion, and when it is managed properly, it isn’t a problem. It only becomes a problem when you lose yourself in it.

I was frustrated that Monday morning because things didn’t happen the way I wanted them to and people didn’t behave the way I thought they should. This led to negative emotions that I could have responded to negatively if I didn’t give myself enough time to talk myself down and cool off.

You may be feeling hurt, frightened, disappointed, worried, embarrassed, or frustrated but express those emotions like anger. That is what I found with the members of my anger management group: All of their emotions were being expressed only as anger. When we look within ourselves, we can see what is really behind our anger. And we can learn to express ourselves differently when we accept that it’s okay to be vulnerable.

Below Are Tips For Managing Your Anger In Everyday Life:

1. Recognize the triggers for your anger, like certain comments, family members, friends, or places that tend to upset you.

2. Try to place yourself in the other person’s shoes, understanding where he or she is coming from.

3. Pay attention to your body’s warning signs of anger: tightness in shoulders, increased heart rate, hot face.

4. Continue an approach that works for you. This could include concentrating on your breathing, meditation, evaluating your thoughts, listening to music, going for a walk, or changing your environment.

5. Practice. Imagine being in a situation that makes you angry and draws upon one of your skills.

6. Remember, it’s okay to get angry. It’s a normal part of being human. The problem lies in how we manage and express it.

7. Don’t judge yourself for getting angry. You are going to lose it every once in a while. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Read Anger Management 101 and Beyond

Learn more about Dr. Ilene’s best-selling self-help books here, https://www.amazon.com/Ilene-Cohen/e/B0764L1MRC


Written By Ilene S. Cohen
Originally Appeared In Doctor Ilene 
Manage Anger Never Let It Control You pin
How You Can Manage Your Anger And Never Let It Control You
manage your anger pinop
manage your anger pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

JOMO Vs FOMO: How to Stop Worrying About Missing Out And Start Enjoying the Present

JOMO Vs FOMO: Benefits And Disadvantages To Know

Are you ready to explore the psychological battle of JOMO VS FOMO? We’ll be diving into the two sides of social connectivity and the importance of solitude.

Ever hopped on your phone and instantly felt envy? You scroll through your social media feeds and see friends having the time of their lives, while you sit at home doing nothing.

It’s what psychologists call FOMO (the Fear of Missing Out), a condition many people are familiar with in our age of smartphones. But could there be a healthier alternative? Say hello to JOMO (the Joy Of Missing Out).

What Is JOMO vs FOMO



Up Next

12 Surprising Benefits Of Talking To Yourself Every Day: Tuning Into Self-Talk, Unapologetically!

Amazing Benefits of Talking to Yourself

Ever talked to yourself? Ever told yourself whether you are right or wrong? Ever gave yourself some much-needed advice? Of course, you have. Most of us talk to ourselves as self-talk is one of the best ways to reflect and gain clarity. But are there any benefits of talking to yourself?

Perhaps you’ve whispered words of encouragement before a big presentation or voiced out your thoughts while working through a challenging problem. It is always fun to talk to the most captivating person in the room – yourself! 

You trust yourself, you always have your best interests at heart and you always keep your own secrets. Talking to yourself is undoubtedly the best conversation you will ever have. But is self-talk a bit weird? Or is it actually good for you?

Yes, it might seem a



Up Next

How To Deal With Nosy People? 8 Ways To Handle Intrusive People

How To Deal With Nosy People? Effective Approaches

Are you tired of dealing with nosy people who always seem to pry into your business and personal matters? No matter how hard you try, they always seem to have their nose in your private matters? Well, I have some good news for you. Today, we are going to talk about how to deal with nosy people, and also the signs of nosy people.

I’m going to give you some golden solutions to navigate such sticky situations. Whether it’s your nosy neighbor, your overly inquisitive co-worker, or even that pesky relative who just stop asking personal questions, I’ve got your back.

So, let’s explore how to spot nosy behaviors and how to deal with nosy people. First, let’s talk about the signs of nosy people.

Related



Up Next

4 Ways To Find Greater Fulfillment In Life

Finding Greater Fulfillment In Life: Ways To Achieve That

Living a fulfilling and purposeful life is one of the most underrated mindsets and skills to have. But what are the best ways you can go about finding fulfillment in life? Let’s find out, shall we?

Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, theologian, and poet is considered by many to be the father of existentialism.

His work focuses on individual experience and the importance of personal choice and commitment, and his philosophy offers insights into living authentically and finding fulfillment amidst the distractions and pressures of the modern world.

In the course of Kierkegaard’s writings, instructive themes emerge for how to navigate life’s complexities with integrity and purpose. Here are four.



Up Next

How To Make Right Decisions: 10 Proven Decision Making Tips You Can’t Afford To Miss

How to Make Right Decisions: Best Decision Making Tips

Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take? Trust me, we’ve all been there! Life is full of decisions, big and small, that shape our journey and define who we are. This is why it’s crucial that we learn how to make right decisions.

Scratching your head about making a life-altering decision? Life loves throwing us curve-balls and forcing us to make decisions. Whether it’s choosing a career path, making a major purchase, or deciding on a life partner, the ability to make right decisions is an invaluable skill.

So let’s explore what is decision making and delve into some amazing decision making tips that will help you be a better decision maker. These practical insights help you navigate life’s crossroads with confidence and clarity.



Up Next

8 Things To Never Do In The Morning After Waking Up

Things To Never Do In The Morning After Waking Up

Mornings can be a battlefield, especially when the alarm clock rudely interrupts your dreams of tropical beaches and unlimited snooze buttons. But here’s the deal: there are certain things to never do, once you’ve woken up. Trust me, I’ve made my fair share of morning blunders.

Picture this: stumbling around and extremely groggy, you are reaching for that tempting snooze button like it’s your lifeline, only to realize that you’ve wasted precious time and now you are running late for work and household chores.

If you relate to this scenario, then it’s high time you ditch those toxic morning habits and practice some healthy ones. So, grab your coffee and read on to know about eight things to never do after you wake up in the morning.



Up Next

Monday Morning Inspiration: 8 Simple Tips to Make Your Monday Morning Better

Monday Morning Inspiration: Best Tips For Monday Morning

Discovering a way to enjoy the start of your week is hard for everyone. After a weekend full of relaxation, you have to go back to work or school and face another five days before you can rest again. If you’re looking for Monday morning inspiration, here are some tips!

Hearing an alarm on Monday morning feels like a punch in the gut. It’s an unpleasant reminder that it’s time to get up and do adult things again.

But out of this widespread feeling of discontent comes an opportunity for change! Instead of letting the Monday blues take over, let’s see if we can find some ways to find Monday morning motivation and make the first day of the week more enjoyable.