No matter how good we are at self-regulation, there are times when we are over-agitated and get into a fight. But, if it comes to people who are not level-headed, they are angry and irritated most of the time. How to calm an angry or emotional person instantly?
Before explaining that you need to first understand that – being highly emotional doesn’t always mean a person only exhibits exaggerated changes in mood or cry or laugh like insane. Rather, s/he is a person having intense feelings and respond to emotions more often than not.
The problem with being more emotional than more people are – it makes you emotionally invested in many issues, your intuition becomes skewed and that makes you vulnerable. At times you end up sucking everyone’s energy with your negativity. Since you are ruled by your emotions, you experience an ongoing battle with fear-based logic and your judgement becomes misguided.
Therefore, emotional regulation is an important tool for social interaction
It will prevent the escalation of strong emotions and regrettable situations caused by irrational behavior. We function in different settings – family, work, social gatherings, and many more. You need to learn to manage and modify your emotional expression according to the demand of the situation.
Self-regulation not only helps you improve your mood but behave in a more matured manner and save you a lot of embarrassments.
For example, you can give a witty reply to your colleague who’s trying to bully you and dilute the negative situation. Similarly, when your girlfriend is upset because you were late for the date, you cannot yell at her. There are many such situations where you need to be calm and composed instead of reacting in an impulsive manner.
Dr Albert J. Bernstein, a clinical psychologist using his years of experience and knowledge have perfected his techniques for bringing out-of-control conversations to the normal mode. His method will help you deal with angry or emotional person very easily.
Here are three phrases that will instantly calm angry and emotional people
1. “Please Speak More Slowly. I’d Like to Help.”
Here the concern is not about your speed of talking. But, maybe you are screaming at the top of your lungs or sobbing uncontrollably. In spite of that, this phrase can do wonders, according to Bernstein.
Because it immediately breaks the pattern in your head. This phrase signals a positive response. The listener is not resisting you but interested to help you. That helps you to pause a little and push you into thinking. And that’s good.
2. “What Would You Like Me to Do?”
This phrase works almost on similar principles to phrase number one.
It helps an over-emotional person to think more rationally and logically. And that’s the best way to calm an angry or emotional person.
3. Any Question at All
When a person is unstable, it’s a futile attempt to say him or her that your viewpoint is more sensible. It will only make the other party more aggressive and dangerous. Instead of bringing out-of-control conversations back down to earth, it will turn more chaotic.
“Explaining is almost always a disguised form of fighting back,” says Bernstein.
So, don’t tell them “you are unwell psychiatric patient”. But actively listen to their story and be curious about it and ask relevant questions.
“The act of listening is reflecting back the person’s emotional state, not necessarily the content of what they’re saying,” said Bernstein in an interview.
This technique is highly likely to calm people down and lead the conversation onto firmer ground.
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