When you have loved somebody toxic for your soul, you know how it feels when you lose yourself, bit by bit. You feel unworthy all the time, and not good enough, just because you chose to love the wrong person.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow but a necessary one. This person you would do anything for would also say and do anything to keep you by their side once more, but not for the reasons you think.
Their reasons for keeping you there were completely selfish.
They wanted the fun aspects of a relationship but weren’t prepared to emotionally invest. They didn’t introduce you to their friends, or if they did, you were only viewed as a friend like them. You had yet to meet their parents, and every time you mentioned it, they diverted the question. You were made to feel overly-emotional for wanting more and gaslighted when you spoke up that their actions did not match their words.
They ignited your feelings and made you feel like an idiot for doing so; you felt like the only one carrying the love for them and it hurt. Their character gave you every reason to doubt them, but you held onto hope because it was the only thing you could hold onto.
You questioned your sanity, the certain way they held you, and the way they looked into your eyes, but as time went on, you began to feel that maybe it was all just a lie.
I’m sorry you loved somebody so toxic for your soul, somebody who made you feel like a burden for simply wanting to be treated the way you treated them. A person who enjoyed having you around enough to satisfy their emptiness but couldn’t return the favor because their heart wasn’t in the right place.
This person projected their own perception of their unworthiness onto somebody so beautiful and caring, and believe me when I say living with this version of themselves is enough pain. They will have to look in the mirror and eventually face what they have done when nobody else is willing to stay.
But you won’t be there for that moment because you are learning to appreciate your power each and every day; and nothing is ever going to dim that warm, loving smile on your face.
You are worth more than what they showed you, and by staying true and being you, a person will come along who will adore you and kiss your wounds because they will know what it was like, too. You will heal from this in time and move onto brighter things because you are of the highest value.
Do not ever forget this.
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Written By Samira Vivette Previously Published By Thought Catalog
Just because you loved somebody who was toxic for your soul, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. When someone treats you badly, it’s a reflection of who they are, not who you are. You are worthy of love, and you deserve to have true love in your life.