Can A Long Distance Relationship With Your Online Crush Work?

Dr Nerdlove: 

There’s really not much to explain, PP. “How’d you guys meet?” “We dated for a while, it didn’t work out, we realized we were better off as friends”. Boom, done. It might be more complicated (but not much) if the two of you were living together or had an incredibly close platonic relationship where you were a constant physical presence in each other’s lives that might seem romantic to an outsider. But he’s your best friend, you talk regularly and you’re in the same D&D campaign. None of that’s going to so much as twitch an eyebrow for anyone who’s cool.

Now somebody who’s insecure may have issues with this. But they’d likely have problems with the fact you have “too many” (read: any) male friends, never mind that your BFF is a guy you used to date. So if somebody freaks out over the fact that your best friend is your ex – as opposed to realizing that being on good terms with your ex is a good thing – then that’s as strong a sign that they’re not right for you as you’re likely to find.

Good luck.


Question 3:

Hi.

I have a problem. I really like this junior in high school (I’m a sophomore). I share two classes with him. We’ve talked a lot over Discord and message each other every once in a while and talk in school, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve had the feeling he likes me too, but of course, there’s no way for me to know whether or not that’s true.

That’s where the problem lies: I’m at a standstill. I want to be around him and talk to him more but I don’t know for sure whether he likes me back and wants to do that too or not. I really like him and would like to start a serious relationship but I don’t know what to do or where I’m standing here. I feel like he hovers around me sometimes and wants to talk, but we both don’t know what to say or maybe he’s shy. And he also holds eye contact longer than usual and sometimes starts conversations with me. But then at times, I’ll feel like he’s avoiding me or trying to stay away or maybe I’m coming off as rude.

Should I wait for him? Should I say something? Am I overthinking things? My point is, I want to keep moving forward but I don’t know what to do anymore and then I start thinking he doesn’t like me which throws me into a mild state of depression and it’s at the point where something needs to change. Do you have any advice? I’m just confusing and depressing myself further the longer this goes on.

Thanks so much,
A Confused Person

 

Dr Nerdlove

There’s a very easy way to find out if he likes you or not: use your words. Quit hemming and hawwing and waiting for signs, muscle up and just ask him out on a date. He’s either going to say “yes” or he’ll give you the Let’s Just Be Friends speech. Either way, you’ll get your answer and know for sure instead of always wondering “maybe but what about”. And if it’s the case that he’s just not into you that way… well, it’s a shame but now you’re free to find someone else who digs what you have to offer, instead of getting stuck in a constant loop of insecurity and uncertainty.

And as an aside: it’s a good idea to get in the habit of being proactive about your interest instead of sitting around waiting and trying to read the tea leaves. The more time you spend trying to gauge someone’s interest – which, let’s be real, is mostly about trying to avoid rejection – the harder it gets to actually make a move. You spend so long building up the importance of the question that you end up paralyzed, on the chance that he may reject you. Learn to get comfortable with taking the risk. It means that yes, you’ll get rejected (like everyone does), but it also means you’ll quickly learn that rejection doesn’t hurt more than you allow it to.

Good luck.

Folks who would love to learn more, Subscribe to Dr Nerdlove’s YouTube channel.


Written by Harris O’ Malley
Originally appeared in Dr. NerdLove

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Can A Long Distance Relationship With Your Online Crush Work?

Harris O’Malleyhttp://www.doctornerdlove.com/
Harris O' Malley is a dating coach who provides geek dating advice at Paging Dr. NerdLove, as well as on Kotaku  and elsewhere. He and his work has been featured on Nightline, Vice, The Guardian, New York Magazine, The Huffington Post, Wired, Sex Nerd Sandra, Daily Life, Slate, The Austin-American Statesman, Austin Monthly, Geek and Sundry, Boing Boing, Everyday Feminism, Buzzfeed, The Daily Dot, The Washington Post, Kotaku, Lifehacker, NeilStrauss.com, The Good Man Project, MTV’s Guy Code, The Harvard Business Journal, and many others. Paging Dr. NerdLove has been featured as one of the top 10 dating blogs on DatingAdvice.com
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