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Letting Go Of Someone You Love After Infidelity

letting go of someone you love after infidelity

Infidelity is devastating to any relationship. People react differently, but the same feelings of betrayal and violation will surface for everyone. Forgiving and letting go of everything doesn’t mean that you need to let people back into your life or excuse their actions. It simply means releasing yourself from the bitterness and resentment that’s coursing through your veins.

Are you wondering how to let go of someone you love after infidelity after that certain someone has had an affair? Do you still love your person but are you unsure if you want to stay or let go of them in light of what they have done? Are you super confused and overwhelmed and not sure what to do next?

There are some questions that you can ask yourself when you are wondering how to let go of someone you love after infidelity. Knowing the answers to these questions, the WHY you need to move on, will help you get some clarity on whether truly letting go and moving on is an option for you.

Here Are The 5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself

Letting Go Of Someone You Love After Infidelity
Letting Go After Infidelity

1. Can you ever trust them again?

A very large part of being in a healthy relationship is trust. Without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail. Your person has had an affair. They have violated your trust. Do you think that you can ever learn to trust them again?

Will you be okay when they say they have to work late? Will you always need to check their phone? Will you wonder every time you can’t account for their whereabouts for a few hours? Will you be upset whenever you see them talk to someone of the opposite sex?

The answers to these questions will help you figure out if you need to let go of someone you love after infidelity because if you can’t trust them, ultimately, they will make you supremely unhappy every day because your mind will always be going too dark places, places where you still suspect that your person is doing you wrong again.

So, if you can’t trust your person, letting them go, even if you love them, might be the best thing to do.

Related: Surviving Infidelity Together: 5 Ways Couples Can Move On From The Pain

2. Can you forgive them?

A big part of getting past someone’s affair is to ask yourself if you can forgive them for what they have done.

To forgive an affair involves many pieces. It means accepting that your person is just a person who makes mistakes. It means forgiving yourself for missing the signs and accepting that you are not a fool. It means acknowledging that this is not your fault. It means that your person has taken responsibility for their actions and that they are committed to not doing it again.

There are many pieces to forgiveness and, while it is possible to forgive someone for their infidelity if you know that you can’t let go of what has happened if you can’t forgive your partner for their betrayal, then letting them go will be a good idea so that you can both move on.

3. Do you want to still be with them?

If you are reading this article, I am guessing that you still love your person. My question to you is, do you still like them? Like them enough to want to still be with them?

Many people stay in relationships with people even if they don’t really want to be in a relationship with them because they think they must do so. The option of leaving just isn’t an option, for a variety of reasons. And, if you don’t want to be with someone, if you actively don’t like them, staying with them will just make you miserable. More miserable than leaving.

So, a good way to work towards deciding if you must let go of someone you love after they commit infidelity is to see if you really do want to be with them or you are just holding on to some kind of ‘should.’

Related: Does an Affair Mean the End of A Relationship? How To Recover from Infidelity

4. Are you staying with them for the wrong reasons?

This is a very important thing to ask yourself. Why are you choosing to stay with this person? Yes, you love them, but if you feel like you can’t trust them or forgive them then why are you staying?

Are you staying because of your kids, because of finances, because of public perception, because you ‘don’t believe in divorce’ or you ‘don’t believe in giving up?” Are you staying for any reason other than the fact that you believe that you can forgive and trust and move past what has happened?

If the answer is yes, recognize what that thing is and ask yourself if that thing is worse than you being miserable for, perhaps, the rest of your life. Because that’s what staying with them for the wrong reasons will do.

All of those things that are mentioned above are things that can be dealt with. Being miserable for the rest of your life will not be.

5. Have you tried everything?

For many people, when they let go of someone they love after infidelity, once they do, they have regrets.

They wonder if they did everything that they could do before they walked away. Did they work to trust and to forgive? Did they perhaps work with a life coach or therapist to process what has happened? Did they try couples counseling to try to work through, together, the issues in the relationship?

If you don’t think that you have tried everything that you need to try before letting go of your someone, consider doing so before walking away. Regret is a horrible thing and if you are considering letting go of someone you love and you haven’t tried everything, you very well might regret it.

Learning How To Let Go Of Someone You Love After Infidelity Is A Very Important Next Step In Seeking Future Happiness.

It’s not easy to let go of someone you love, even if they have betrayed you. It is important that you don’t make the decision lightly but that you do so knowing that what you have and haven’t done, what you can and can’t do.

Knowing these things, knowing the WHY you are leaving someone, will make letting them go that much easier.

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin

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Letting Go Of Someone You Love After Infidelity

Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.View Author posts