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Who Are The “Keepers?” 15 Identifying Traits of Successful Long-Term Partners

Who Are The "Keepers?" 15 Identifying Traits of Successful Long-Term Partners

Many long-term relationship seekers have failed to find their ideal partners despite sincere and intense efforts. They have read dozens of self-help books and Internet articles, watched dating videos, and sought competent therapists to help them. They have learned every phase of finding the right person, correcting their own dysfunctional behavior, and keeping competitive in the dating market. Yet, they have not been successful in maintaining lasting relationships.

As a relationship therapist for forty years, I believe that the most important evidence has been overlooked. Most all relationship advice has focused on the “popular” traits and behaviors people think will ensure success, and have largely ignored those that consistently create great relationships.

Operating under the radar, people with these qualities don’t appear in tabloids or reality TV shows. They don’t live on pedestals, fall from grace when they choose new relationships or leave behind angry ex-partners. You won’t usually find them leading with the package that most people think will work. They appreciate sexual attractiveness, status, connections, social performance, financial success, and dramatic experiences, but they know those are not the positives that survive the test of time.

I’ve watched these people carefully over many years. They consistently create great relationships filled with joyful and meaningful experiences. I’ve heard them called Keepers, those people you’d never want to lose. I support that title and definition. These successful relationship people exhibit a set of beliefs, actions, and ideals that keep relationships thriving through the good times and the bad.

Keepers have fifteen consistent identifying traits. You may already possess some of them. As you read through the list, think of people you have consistently treasured and felt valued by in return. Also, note if these behaviors characterize them.

At the end of the category descriptions, you and your partner can take the short quiz to see where you stand on each of these traits. It is only for information, and not meant as a way of finding fault. You may also think of other traits that have been important markers in the successful relationships you’ve had or observed and could add them to the list.

 

Trait One – Keepers are self-accountable

Keepers understand how love works are not afraid to question themselves. They clearly put knowledge ahead of ego-preservation, and seek ways to help their relationships stay successful. They ask themselves what they could do to change them for the better. They are not out to win at their partner’s expense.

Alongside their willingness to admit wrongs and to choose compromise whenever possible, they are also confident in their own contributions. They don’t automatically give up their point of view when challenged. You know them by their combination of ego strength and flexibility. They not only hold their integrity under fire but also expect that kind of behavior from people they respect.

Example:

He: “I keep telling you how much I hate it when you’re late. No matter what I say, you don’t seem to give a damn. What will it take for you to listen and do something about it? I’m fed up.”

Written by Dr. Randi Gunther

In her 40-year-career as a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, She Had Spent Over 100,000 face-to-face hours with singles and couples helping them to sort out their desires and conflicts about intimate relationships. She Had explored all the reasons why their relationships so often start out euphoric only to crumble and how they can turn those disappointments into future successes. She truly believe that the greatest obstacles standing between you and the love you want is often right before your eyes but you are unable to envision the journey.
Her specialty is to help you look at yourself and your relationships with heroic honesty and the willingness to look deeply at yourself and what you bring to a relationship so that you can finally create the kind of transformation that will change you forever. You’ll finally understand why you’ve struggled in love, and what skills you’ll need to create the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted - one in which you fall deeper in love while simultaneously scaling the heights of your individual potential. It’s how her husband and She have made their marriage their bedrock for over 60 years. Subscribe to her free advice newsletter at www.heroiclove.com where she’ll tell you everything she have learned about finding and keeping a truly heroic relationship.

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Caption this – 6 October

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