Is your marriage going through a troubled time? Do you know that secrets to having a strong, stable and successful marriage?
My job as a family law attorney brings me in close connection with married people who have made the difficult decision to file a divorce. Working with so many clients belonging to varied age groups and backgrounds for years, I have ceased to be surprised when people reveal to me the reasons for divorce. I can say I have heard of all sorts of reasons that can lead to a separation.
Over the years I have realized —
Marriage is hardly the conclusion; it is the point where real work begins.
Listening to people who no longer want anything to do with the person they once loved, is in a way heartbreaking. Their stories have revealed to me how and why people come to this stage. Studying each of their cases has opened my eyes to what makes a marriage successful, what strengthens it, and what leads to its failure.
Here Are 12 Things That Helps In Developing A Successful Marriage
1. Realize that marriage needs your true efforts.
Enter your marriage with the solemn resolve that as a couple you will direct your collective efforts toward being in the wedlock. You haven’t achieved everything after you marry each other. It is just one of the landmarks in your relationship. You have miles to walk together and your journey won’t be easy.
There would be difficulties and disagreements. So, when you see them taking shape, don’t ignore them, rather neutralize them before they become a threat.
Don’t wait for an occasion to make your spouse feel special. Remember the little things that fascinated you. Celebrate those things and appreciate them. Just because your spouse is part of your life, don’t ever take them for granted. Just because you know in and out of their personality don’t let familiarity invite contempt.
Want to know more about how you can have a strong marriage? Read 30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years
2. Your partner will not be a changed person.
Most people knew the issues that led to the breakdown of their marriage. They were aware of the behavioral flaws of their partner, or the fact that they were not able to connect with them on several levels. Almost 95% of them believed, after marriage, their partner would change.
Marriage won’t change anything. With time you will grow to dislike those little imperfections more intensely. Ask yourself, if you can accept the person with their shortcomings and live with them 24×7 before you take the plunge.
3. Contemplate the consequences of signing a prenuptial agreement.
Most lawyers advise their clients to sign a prenup to ensure their financial security in case of annulment of the marriage. But, if you feel the need to sign a prenup, you are already not sure if things are going to work.
A prenup is meant to allow you an exit, but a marriage is a lifelong commitment. If you are not sure you will be able to be with this person through the ups and downs, you are really not ready to get married to them. It would be better to wait for the person with whom you would want to enter into a permanent bond.
4. Select a partner who has similar financial views.
One of the common differences that lead to divorce is financial issues. People have different opinions about how they manage their finances. They don’t care to reconcile the differences before marriage. In the starting days, they are in too much love to take notice of the small disconnects.
The differences are ignored until the lack of unanimity becomes acute and cannot be overlooked anymore. As they have never taught themselves to address the issue, the financial difficulties further curbed their ability to communicate and resolve the problem.
Instead of quitting, it’s wiser to see a counselor. This should not be seen as a positive effort and not as acceptance of failure.
5. Pledge to grow together.
It’s extremely important to identify the points on which a couple has differences of opinion. Before you get married, make a point to reach an agreement on each of them.
Marriage needs your constant hard work as you will be building your life and future together. There will be many things you will be doing differently post marriage. Prepare yourselves for them. Enroll together into classes on parenting, spirituality and religion, household spending, and other complex topics before mishandling of issues can create rifts in your marriage.
When you both have the same information, you can decide how to resolve complex issues before they affect you emotionally.
Looking to know more about what makes a happy marriage? Read Happily Married Men Reveal 21 Secrets For A Happy Marriage
6. See a marriage counselor whenever there is a problem.
Seeing a counselor doesn’t mean your marriage is already in trouble. It’s just a way to open the knots that you cannot find a way to open on your own.
Just consider it similar to signing up for a guitar or any hobby class. If you can’t bring yourself to meet a counselor, strengthen your communication, co-parenting or problem-solving techniques.
7. Spend at least one weekly off-day together.
Spending time together is the key to a successful relationship. Let that day begin with cuddling together in bed, just cuddling and nothing else. No kids, no other things and door locked. Actually, one person in the relationship needs it and the other one loves it much more than they think will.
8. Share hobbies.
It’s not possible to share the same hobbies but it’s important that you do most of them. This is because most of us like to spend our free time in the pursuit of what we like. When you share the same hobbies you get to spend more together enjoyably.
If you can’t follow the same hobbies then make some adjustments. Even if you don’t do it you can develop interest and be with your spouse.
9. Shower or bathe together as often as possible.
It’s fun, it’s romantic and it’s intensely intimate. Scrubbing and cleaning each other or just enjoying the water pouring on your naked bodies, is a special experience that you only share with each other.
It’s a great way to unwind together, to plan things and connect in an exceptional way and it also means more time together.
10. Never stop having sex.
Sex is an important part of marriage. It’s a need and married couples depend on each other to meet this need. Make sure to have sex at least once a week even if you don’t feel like doing it.
If you have reached the end of seven days without sex, make it happen before its midnight. Make love-making a regular habit because even if you are best of friends, chemistry and sexual attraction is the reason your relationship reached this level.
11. Remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
When familiarity sets in, people tend to wander in search of attraction and excitement. Little do they understand the person they are attracted to have their own flaws. And when the dust settles it becomes all too clear.
It’s so much better to value the one we have in our lives. Work together, to remind yourselves why you fell for each other.
12. Don’t surrender too quickly.
Difficulties come in every relationship, yours isn’t any different. Remember you vowed to be together through thick and thin.
Just be patient and fight the difficulties together. The storm will pass if you don’t quit.
Building a successful marriage is not as easy as it seems. It takes a lot of hard work, love and emotional investment. If you want to have a strong and ever-lasting marriage with your partner, then make sure that you keep these pointers in mind, and see how your marriage flourishes.
If you want to know more about the secrets that help build a successful marriage, then check out this video below:
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