What is the best marriage advice you have ever gotten?
They say marriages are made in heaven, but what they don’t say is that you have to build that heaven. Sustaining a happy marriage is sometimes easier said than done.
The fact is, getting married is probably the easier part. The challenging part is to make sure that it lasts the test of time.
Ever wanted to hear from a trusted board of advisors on the topic of sustaining long-term love?
Well, you’re in luck.
I searched high and low to find thirty couples who had been happily married for over thirty years and asked them what one piece of advice they would give to anyone who is single and/or in a newer relationship, and the following is a compilation of highlights from what they had to say.
Side note: this is the second-longest it’s ever taken me to compile an article, so I sincerely hope you get something out of it (and the article that took the longest to create came out a few weeks ago).
Without further ado, here are thirty pieces of advice on love and life from couples who have been happily married for over thirty years.
Time Tested Love Advice From People Married 30+ Years
1. “Don’t keep score. Scorekeeping will absolutely ruin a marriage. And it’s impossible to do anyway. You can’t know all of the millions of little things your partner does for you, so keeping score is just an immature way of building up a case for you to justify your childish resentment.” – Dianna
2. “Don’t be afraid to be the one who loves more. Either for a phase of your relationship or overall. The point is what you give to the relationship, not what you get from it.” – John
3. “Do something every day that will give your partner a reason to be with you the next day.” – Allison
4. “Schedule sex. Just do it. It sounds boring and awful and like something old people need to do, but there are a growing amount of responsibilities in life, and sometimes you have to fight like hell to keep sex on the table.” – Samantha
5. “It feels generous to say that I was happily married for more than thirty years because while I have been married for over thirty years, and I am currently extremely happy in my marriage, not all thirty of the years were completely blissful. Marriage is a sacred container that will bring up your deepest wounding, and this has been true in my relationship. So yes, long-term marital bliss is possible, but I would want to impress upon others the reality that it comes at a cost. And that cost is that you will have to look inwards and do some very honest, hard work. Don’t expect all sunshine and rainbows. Marriage is confronting stuff. And it is also worth it. I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything or anyone in the world.” – Kimberly
6. “Having kids is hard work. Only do it if you love, trust, and respect your partner deeply. And always parent as a united front. Kids will test you endlessly and try to go behind your back to mix you up. Don’t let them. Stand your ground, and be your partner’s #1 ally.” – Don
7. “Some people say ‘Never go to bed mad’. I couldn’t disagree more. I mean, sure, avoid it if you can. If you can squash an argument in a timely manner, then do it. But sometimes going to bed angry gives you an opportunity to bite your tongue in an appropriate way and then wake up with a clear head. Sometimes sleeping on it is the correct course of action.” – Ken
8. “Above all else, I would say this: choose a kind partner. That is the most important thing I could impart to anyone who is earlier in their courtship. If you choose a kind partner, everything else is easier down the road.” – Susan