30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years

 / 

30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years

What is the best marriage advice you have ever gotten?

They say marriages are made in heaven, but what they don’t say is that you have to build that heaven. Sustaining a happy marriage is sometimes easier said than done.

The fact is, getting married is probably the easier part. The challenging part is to make sure that it lasts the test of time.

Ever wanted to hear from a trusted board of advisors on the topic of sustaining long-term love?

Well, youโ€™re in luck.

I searched high and low to find thirty couples who had been happily married for over thirty years and asked them what one piece of advice they would give to anyone who is single and/or in a newer relationship, and the following is a compilation of highlights from what they had to say.

Side note: this is the second-longest itโ€™s ever taken me to compile an article, so I sincerely hope you get something out of it (and the article that took the longest to create came out a few weeks ago).

Without further ado, here are thirty pieces of advice on love and life from couples who have been happily married for over thirty years.

Time Tested Love Advice From People Married 30+ Years

1. โ€œDonโ€™t keep score. Scorekeeping will absolutely ruin a marriage. And itโ€™s impossible to do anyway. You canโ€™t know all of the millions of little things your partner does for you, so keeping score is just an immature way of building up a case for you to justify your childish resentment.โ€ โ€“ Dianna

Marriage advice

2. โ€œDonโ€™t be afraid to be the one who loves more. Either for a phase of your relationship or overall. The point is what you give to the relationship, not what you get from it.โ€ โ€“ John

3. โ€œDo something every day that will give your partner a reason to be with you the next day.โ€ โ€“ Allison

4. โ€œSchedule sex. Just do it. It sounds boring and awful and like something old people need to do, but there are a growing amount of responsibilities in life, and sometimes you have to fight like hell to keep sex on the table.โ€ โ€“ Samantha

5. โ€œIt feels generous to say that I was happily married for more than thirty years because while I have been married for over thirty years, and I am currently extremely happy in my marriage, not all thirty of the years were completely blissful. Marriage is a sacred container that will bring up your deepest wounding, and this has been true in my relationship. So yes, long-term marital bliss is possible, but I would want to impress upon others the reality that it comes at a cost. And that cost is that you will have to look inwards and do some very honest, hard work. Donโ€™t expect all sunshine and rainbows. Marriage is confronting stuff. And it is also worth it. I wouldnโ€™t trade my husband for anything or anyone in the world.โ€ โ€“ Kimberly

6.  โ€œHaving kids is hard work. Only do it if you love, trust, and respect your partner deeply. And always parent as a united front. Kids will test you endlessly and try to go behind your back to mix you up. Donโ€™t let them. Stand your ground, and be your partnerโ€™s #1 ally.โ€ โ€“ Don

7. โ€œSome people say โ€˜Never go to bed madโ€™. I couldnโ€™t disagree more. I mean, sure, avoid it if you can. If you can squash an argument in a timely manner, then do it. But sometimes going to bed angry gives you an opportunity to bite your tongue in an appropriate way and then wake up with a clear head. Sometimes sleeping on it is the correct course of action.โ€ โ€“ Ken

8. โ€œAbove all else, I would say this: choose a kind partner. That is the most important thing I could impart to anyone who is earlier in their courtship. If you choose a kind partner, everything else is easier down the road.โ€ โ€“ Susan

Marriage advice

9. โ€œKnow that compromise is inevitable in a multi-decade relationship. Maybe you want one kid and they want three. Or you want two cats and they want zero. There will be hundreds, if not thousands, of instances where one of you will have to acquiesce to the desires of the other. This is natural. Donโ€™t avoid these conversations. Lean in, and focus on how much you get, overall, from being with this person.โ€ โ€“ Joseph

10. โ€œPay attention to the details. If she mentions she likes something or wants something, write it down so you know what to get her for her next birthday/Christmas gift. Plugin her phone at night so itโ€™s always fully charged. Do the dishes without being asked and without drawing attention to it. Basically just be a good person, and give her your energy.โ€ โ€“ Cam

11. โ€œMake sex a priority. There may be short periods of your marriage where decreased sex is unavoidable (newborns, travel, start-ups, etc.), but consistently put energy into making sure that youโ€™re sexually connecting with each other. Everything flows better when youโ€™re making love at least on a weekly basis.โ€ โ€“ Rebecca

12. โ€œBe kind, put in the effort, donโ€™t stress too much. If you picked the right person for you, itโ€™ll all work out for you in the end.โ€ โ€“ James

13. โ€œBe explicit about the roles that you both play in your household. My husband and I found a lot of relief indirectly naming who was expected to do most of the dishes (or laundry, or chauffeuring the kids around, or organizing dinners with friends, etc.). The more directly you talk about this stuff, the lower the likelihood that either of you will ever resent the other for doing/not doing what you secretly want them to be doing.โ€ โ€“ Tess

14. โ€œThe quality of your sex life will ebb and flow at different parts of your marriage. Donโ€™t worry. Your marriage isnโ€™t broken, or different. This is natural.โ€ โ€“ Trevor

15. โ€œSomething I wish someone had told me before I got married would be this: marry someone who is financially stable. Or, at least, not financially reckless. Thereโ€™s so much stress that comes from not having your shared finances in order, and so much freedom and spaciousness that comes from having money sorted.โ€ โ€“ Renata

16. โ€œThe main thing I would want people to know is that they should talk about their sex life with their partner. My wife and I didnโ€™t do this until well into our marriage (more than 15 years in), and I wish we had done it sooner. It really marked a new chapter in the depth of our relationship.โ€ โ€“ Ray

17. โ€œNothing will make your relationship flourish more than regularly meditating on the fact that your relationship is about growth above all else. If theyโ€™re pissing you off, then thereโ€™s something to learn there. If you have a difficult time bringing a specific emotion to them, then thatโ€™s something to grow into. See it all like feedback, all of it as valuable, and all of it as being something for you to utilize and grow through.โ€ โ€“ Mary

Marriage advice

18. โ€œBe more open to exploring sexually with your partner than you may have initially thought when you first came into the relationship. You can go so much deeper with a partner when youโ€™ve been with them for a long time versus how deep you may have gone with short term partners from before you were married. Itโ€™s a completely different ballpark.โ€ โ€“ Patrick

19. โ€œRespect yourself and your partner enough to remain physically attractive for each other. Go to the gym, put on makeup, dress nice. Do whatever you need to do to keep putting in the effort.โ€ โ€“ Janeen

20. โ€œI would recommend that couples have an overarching policy of โ€˜You can bring me any truth you need to, no matter how difficult it might be to bring to me.โ€™ This policy can save you from so much pain, lost time, and wishy-washy mind reading.โ€ โ€“ Hannah

21. โ€œLet go of arguments quickly. Even if you know youโ€™re right. It doesnโ€™t matter. It just doesnโ€™t matter. 99% of the things you fight about will be completely irrelevant, and itโ€™s better to just let go and come back into harmony. Itโ€™s a relationshipโ€ฆ not a battle for your egos!โ€ โ€“ Jessica

22. โ€œMy wife and I have a little ritual that I imagine others could benefit from. Every day, whenever I come home from work, we always start off our conversation by answering the question โ€˜Whatโ€™s the best thing that happened to you today?โ€™. We donโ€™t do this because we gloss over the fact that we also have struggles or low daysโ€ฆ but rather to simply be in the habit of starting with positivity. It helps us out a lot, and I always look forward to it.โ€ โ€“ Renaldo

23. โ€œSomething that my partner and I started doing over five years ago was we committed to engaging with each other sexually every day. Yes, literally every day! This doesnโ€™t mean that we have penetration every day. Sometimes being sexual with each other means kissing each otherโ€™s genitals goodnightโ€ฆ or making out a little when he gets home from workโ€ฆ or doing a few minutes of massage in the morning. Itโ€™s our little way of keeping the sexual simmer alive in our marriage, and it has worked wonders for us.โ€ โ€“ Beth

24. โ€œEvery year of your relationship, even if you have children together, go for a 1-on-1 vacation together. Just the two of you, even if itโ€™s only for 3 days. Itโ€™s worth the effort.โ€ โ€“ Charles

25. โ€œPassion is a function of communication. If you arenโ€™t regularly speaking truth to each other, and letting your individual inner worlds be known, then youโ€™ll just be going through the motions.โ€ โ€“ Arlene

26. โ€œWhat I would most want to impress upon people is acknowledging and accepting that there will be phases in your marriage. There can even be multi-year phases where it just isnโ€™t as sparkly and magical as other phases. Maybe your career goes through a downturn and it affects your financial stability, or maybe one of you goes through a crisis of identity and doesnโ€™t feel very sexual as a result because you donโ€™t really know who you are anymore. And these very real, often predictable, life-y things will impact your marriage. But if you chose the right person and youโ€™re both truly in it for the long haul, then these peaks and valleys will just add to your union.โ€ โ€“ Yasmine

27. โ€œOnly love is real. So when youโ€™re engaging with your partner from a place that doesnโ€™t have love tied into it, you arenโ€™t really there at all. And that isnโ€™t to say that anger canโ€™t be simultaneously mixed with love, because it absolutely can. Every emotion can have a foundation of love underneath it. Just check in with yourself and remember to remain connected to your heart at all times.โ€ โ€“ Jason

28. โ€œAnother person canโ€™t make you happy, but they sure can make you miserable. So take your time in choosing your partner. Hopefully, youโ€™ll only ever have to do it once.โ€ โ€“ Delores

29. โ€œMaintain separate friends and hobbies. Thereโ€™s always the three entities: you, me, and the relationship. If you arenโ€™t both cultivating friendships and hobbies outside of the relationship then youโ€™ll never have anything new to talk about. Having your own life outside of the relationship is so important in maintaining a sustained, beautiful romance.โ€ โ€“ Sharice

30. โ€œI would tell people to โ€˜Give yourselves the opportunity to miss each other.โ€™ Once per year my husband and I each go on our own week-long trips with our closest friends. Him with his old high school buddies, and me with my tennis friends that Iโ€™ve known since I was in my 20โ€™s. We each come back feeling refreshed and recharged, yes, but more importantly we get to have the experience of missing each other. The first few days of my trip Iโ€™m happy to have space, but inevitably, by the last few days, I really truly tap into the sensations of missing him. And itโ€™s always such a gift to reunite with each other when I get home. With this habit as an annual ritual, it keeps me that much more awake to the fact that I love this man deeply, and I know that he has a similar experience when he returns from his boys’ trip.โ€ โ€“ Juliette

Aaaaaaand thatโ€™s thirty!

I hope you enjoyed this article and got something out of it. I certainly got a lot out of compiling it.

There is so much love in the world, so much resilience, and so much depth. I was inspired by the amount of love and care that went into all of the contributions that I received, and I really enjoyed seeing the differences, and the overlap in peopleโ€™s responses.

Thatโ€™s it for me. I hope that you are well.

Marriage advice is very easy to come by, as everyone these days have an opinion on others and their lives. Even though any kind of marriage advice is welcome, you have to understand which ones are actually going to help you in the long run. At the end of the day, it’s your marriage, and you need to do what you think will help it.

Dedicated to your success,
Jordan

If you are interested in more marriage advice, then check out the video below:

๏ปฟ


Written by Jordan Gray
Originally appeared in Jordan Gray Consulting

You may also like:

7 Pieces of Pre-Marriage Advice: What One Should Look for in Each Other
43 Pieces of Best Marriage Advice by Top Relationship Experts
From Father To Son: 5 Secrets To Have A Happy Marriage
36 Things Iโ€™ve Learned From 36 Years of Marriage
Marriage is Not a Big Thing, Itโ€™s a Million Little Things

30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

What is a Trophy Husband In Today’s Relationship Dynamics?

Signs of a Trophy Husband: Exploring Modern Masculinity

Most of us are aware of the term โ€œtrophy wifeโ€. But have you heard about a โ€œtrophy husbandโ€? It is a somewhat new term that is a gender-swapped version of the more popular concept of โ€œtrophy wifeโ€. 

In today’s evolving society, where gender roles are constantly being redefined, there’s a rising trend of trophy husbands. These men are not only eye-catching companions but also possess qualities that make them desirable partners. 

Today, let us explore this fascinating concept and understand what is a trophy husband,  the signs to look for, why being a trophy husband is exhausting, and the potential issues that can arise in relationships with them.

What is a Trophy Husband?



Up Next

Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? 7 Signs Of Roommate Syndrome And What You Can Do To Change That

Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? Signs Spark Is Gone

Are you feeling like roommates in a marriage? You know, that sinking feeling when you realize the spark has fizzled, and your relationship has become more about paying bills and coordinating schedules than love and connection.

The thing is, roommate syndrome is more common than you think, and many couples face this, after being together for a long time. When you are in the roommate phase of a relationship, you might ask yourself why and when the romance disappeared or if you’re both just pretending to be happy.

But that might not be the case. In this article, we are going to look at what is roommate syndrome, the signs of roommate syndrome, and how to deal with roommate syndrome, so that you stop feeling like roommates in a marriage.

So, let’s get started, shall we?



Up Next

8 Ways To Upgrade Your Relationship

Ways To Upgrade Your Relationship

Do you feel like your relationship has lost that spark from before? If you answered yes, then you should know that many couples go through this, which is why it’s important to know how to improve your relationship. This article is going to talk about how to strengthen your relationship and upgrade your relationship.

It seems like it should be natural to treat our partners with love, consideration, and respect. Yet, for many people in long-term relationships, the warmth and kindness that were present in the early days of dating can fade over time.

Most people treat their partners with the utmost respect and kindness in the courting stage. The relationship probably wouldnโ€™t have progressed if they hadnโ€™t. Why do so many people present the best version of themselves early on, and over time, treat their beloved partners with disrespect, di



Up Next

5 Ways To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

Ways To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

If you feel that the spark in your relationship is gone, then let me tell you something – you can rekindle the spark in your relationship again! Now the question is, how to reignite the spark in your relationship? How can you make your relationship feel like the olden days again? Let’s find out!

Remember the feelings you experienced when you first started dating your spouse or partner? Perhaps you felt excitement, attraction, and anticipation? As the relationship has progressed, has it been difficult to maintain those initial feelings?

Once lifeโ€™s responsibilities, careers, kids, and the passing of time are added to the mix, that initial spark can easily diminish if we donโ€™t keep it stoked.

Fortunately



Up Next

Is Your Relationship Fading Away? 9 Things You Can Do To Save It

Relationship Fading Away? Empowering Steps To Save It

Do you sense your relationship fading away, and the once vibrant connection you shared with each other is slowly dying? Being in a situation like this is heart-breaking to say the least. When it seems like you’re in a fading relationship, it’s common to feel confused and not know what to do next. But don’t worry, there’s still hope.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve hit a rough patch or you’ve just grown apart a bit โ€“ there are some really useful steps you can take to reignite that spark, and revive a fading relationship.

Let’s look at some of the ways that can help you breathe some new life into your relationshi



Up Next

4 Shocking Reasons Why You’re Losing Attraction To Your Husband And How To Reignite The Flame

Major Reasons Why You're Losing Attraction To Your Husband

Are you questioning the intensity of your attraction towards your husband? Perhaps you’ve noticed a gradual shift in your emotional and physical connection, leaving you feeling confused and concerned. What happens when you start losing attraction to your husband?

First of all, you are not alone. Today, let us talk about the delicate topic of losing attraction to one’s husband, exploring the various dimensions of this experience with empathy and understanding.

Whether you’re seeking solace or guidance, we aim to help you gain a better understanding of the situation by shedding light on the reasons behind losing attraction, its impact on relationships, and potential pathways towards rediscovering the spark.

The



Up Next

5 Stages Of A Dying Marriage: Is It Beyond Repair?

Painful Stages Of A Dying Marriage: Is It Beyond Repair?

Sometimes, just being married doesn’t guarantee happiness. And if the marital bond is withering away, there might not be much hope left. Here are 5 stages of a dying marriage and whether or not it can be revived.

Thereโ€™s a point in every coupleโ€™s life where their once vibrant connection fades into obscurity. Itโ€™s a simple fact that not all marriages will stand strong. The journey from โ€œI doโ€ to โ€œwhat happenedโ€ is filled with hard-to-swallow truths and plenty of emotions.

Understanding these stages of a dying marriage will let you recognize the tell-tale signs early on so you can work on issues when itโ€™s easiest (and possible), allowing space to save everything youโ€™ve built together.