Before getting married to someone, it is always wise to know whether they are the right person for you or not; a few pieces of pre-marriage advice can help you with that.
Getting married is a big decision. There’s the guest list, the venue, the dress, and of course, finding the right partner.
What makes a great partner differs from couple to couple, but there are certain qualities that spouses should look for if they want a successful marriage.
Couples who click don’t stray away from hard topics. They strive to learn what issues can hinder a marriage, such as child-rearing, finances, and not spending enough time together.
When you find the one you are meant to be with, you make the effort to communicate effectively and prioritize emotional and physical intimacy in order to have a lasting union.
Being in love doesn’t always mean you and your spouse will be compatible partners in a marriage.
Here are 7 pieces of pre-marriage advice that are sure to strengthen your relationship and help you decide whether you’ve met your soulmate.
1. Find someone who shares your life vision.
One study was done by Lauer and Lauer’s research on what qualities create a happy, lasting marriage.
The research studied 351 couples who had been married for 15 years or longer and discussed marital ups and downs over the years. Of the 351 couples, 300 reported feeling mutually happy in their marriage, 32 couples had one happy spouse and one unhappy, and 19 marriages in which both spouses were unhappy.
These couples all identified key characteristics that contributed to marital happiness. Many of these qualities revolved around finding a partner who shared their goals, values, and fundamental aims.
Couples looking to get married should openly discuss their future plans, career goals, and figure out if they are on the same page about whether to start a family.
2. You both value marriage.
“If it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get a divorce.”
Have you ever heard someone express this sentiment after getting engaged? This is not a responsible or mature way to look at marriage. Getting married shouldn’t be done on a whim. Partners should give the appropriate consideration for joining their lives together.
Research shows you are more likely to stay married to someone who shares your view of marriage as a sacred institution. If you’re looking for a spouse who is going to be in it for the long haul with you, you’ll want to find someone who sets maintaining the marriage as a high priority.
3. Share deep emotional intimacy.
Emotional and physical intimacy are important parts of any relationship, especially if you are considering tying the knot.
Emotional intimacy is often described as partners who share a deep connection. This connection makes them feel trusted, secure and loved within their relationship. This intimacy is built through regular date nights and can even be heightened through physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy is another important part of a marriage. The oxytocin released during lovemaking or through physical touches such as hugging or holding hands has been proven to lower stress and increase trust in couples.
Couples should be able to communicate about intimacy issues, or fantasies and make date nights a priority.
4. Find someone responsible.
Pre-marriage advice highlights the importance of finding someone who is responsible both emotionally and financially. Some great qualities that result from being with someone responsible include:
- They don’t play mind games.
- They have a steady and secure job.
- They are able to contribute to household finances and payments.
- They are emotionally mature enough to handle changes and challenges that come with marriage.
- Emotionally responsible and empathetic to their partner’s needs.
- Responsibly puts the marriage first.
5. Not shy about communicating.
Couples are wise to find partners who aren’t shy about expressing themselves. After all, communication is the backbone of lasting, healthy marriages. Understanding one another’s thoughts and feelings help couples to strengthen their bond.
In a study of 72 marriages lasting 35 years or longer, researchers Mackey and O’Brien cited five features that were important to the longevity of the marriages. Of the five, three of them revolved around the ability to communicate.
First was the quality of communication. Couples studied admitted that their communication was not always strong, but by learning from their mistakes, they were able to create positive communication patterns. Through these, they were able to be more expressive and open with one another and reported higher marriage satisfaction because of it.
The second was the ability to make decisions as partners with regard to finances, leisure activities, friends, and children. Couples who made decisions jointly also reported higher satisfaction in the marriage.
Finally, communicating and containing conflict played another important role in a healthy marriage. Couples who were able to resolve conflict with patience, love, and respect had healthier marriages than those who do not.
6. Financial stability.
This isn’t necessarily a quality that will define whether getting married is a good idea. But, being financially stable and responsible certainly helps a marriage get off to a good start.
Finances can be a sore spot for many couples, especially if one partner makes significantly more than the other or is bringing debt into the marriage. Find a partner who is comfortable communicating about finances and who values your opinion on budgeting, saving, and spending.
7. Have a deep friendship.
Couples who are thinking about getting married should be more than romantic partners. They should be true friends.
Research indicates that marital satisfaction skyrockets when partners view each other as their best friend.
A close marital friendship implies that not only can partners share an intimate romance, they also know how to have fun together. They share things in common, have mutual hobbies, and enjoy spending time together outside of romantic activities.
Getting married is about more than sharing your life with someone. It’s about finding someone with wonderful qualities that will contribute to a happy, healthy marriage.
Look for someone who shares your view on commitment, starting a family, and is responsible emotionally and materially. Getting pre-marriage advice can help you decide if you’ve found your soulmate.