I’m an Introvert. I Don’t Hate People. I Hate Small Talk and Shallow Socializing.

‘Why are you so introvert? Why don’t you talk to your friends?’

This used to be the question I would face almost every single day from my parents and teachers. But I couldn’t explain to them what I felt. Like them, even I had this feeling that I hated people, that I hated talking to people and would prefer a cozy corner of the room engrossed in my books. I was labeled as an introvert, someone who hates socializing.

Things at college didn’t change much but the more I grew, the more I tried to understand myself; why do I hate talking to people? Why do I love being with myself? Why do I avoid people?

College days were not so full of friends for me because I could never get out of my shell. Parties were not my cup of tea either. I hated getting invited to parties.

‘Oh no! Not another one!’ would be my reaction whenever anyone would invite me to a party.

The moment I enter a room full of people, I just get repulsed by the way people keep on talking to each other…so fast…yet so shallow. That’s what I dislike most.

It’s not that I don’t like people but I have not been able to fathom how could people just simply hug one another, a few minutes after meeting for the first time? And I could never do that to myself. But going to a party and not talking is indecency. To maintain modesty, I had to.

It’s been horrifying for me. It’s like you enter some alien land and you are forced to talk to them…talk to so many people and you have a stopwatch; your time is running out.

It’s not that I hate people but the fact is that I don’t feel comfortable with them. I find it difficult to open up to any random person within moments of meeting and talk. What people usually think of introverts as ‘people haters’ is a misconception.

I do not hate people. Why would I? I was always bugged by this question. What’s the issue with me? This made me take up courses on psychology and understand this nature of myself. Browsing through social media sites, I also found out that I was not alone. And the point is not about hating people either. It’s about being comfortable with the ones you interact.

Conversations mean a lot to me; conversations matter to me and it is through conversations I strike chords with people. For a good conversation to mature, I need time, I need space and I need the right kind of frequency. Human beings are wonderful creatures. The human psyche is even more wonderful. I cannot and obviously, I do not expect each and every people I meet to think like me, to act like me, to love the things I love, to do the things I do. But then again, I do know that there are people like me too.

In gatherings, it is impossible to tell in a few moments what kind of people are there. There can be introverts like me too, who knows! You get a lot of memes about introverts in the social media. Even I enjoy making some too.

I love my room, my pet rabbits, and my books. That’s where I feel comfortable with myself. I love being with myself and I am not scared to be alone. I enjoy this, probably because I try to escape from the hazards of unfruitful relationships.

I get disturbed how people befriend each other within moments, how they get close to each other and how they drift apart.

That’s because of shallow conversations. Until and unless you do not have deep conversations with a person, you cannot know them or understand them properly. I enjoy talking people over a cup of coffee, spend an afternoon discussing life. I need to be comfortable with them.

For me, it takes a big push to get out of the comfort zone. I keep on trying harder every day. My peers have been supportive always. I do not like the idea of passing time by socializing and I do not gain in happiness out of it.

Emilia Gordon
Born and brought up in Kansas, Emilia is a writer and a social activist.She enjoys travelling and meeting new people
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