What Is The INFJ Door Slam And Its 4 Stages

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the infj door slam

The INFJ personality type is one of the most well-known Myers-Briggs personality types out there, and they stand for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judgment. They are probably the most sensitive and empathetic people you will ever come across, who are extremely caring and compassionate. But there is one thing about them that disputes their gentle nature, and that is their famous INFJ door slam.

The INFJ door slam scares and confuses everyone around them, even the ones who are the closest to them. But what is the INFJ door slam, and why do they do it? And most importantly, does the slammed door have a chance of opening again?

Related: Why An INFJ Removes People From Their Lives With The Unpopular “Door Slam”

What Is The INFJ Door Slam?

When an INFJ has had enough, and they decide to cut someone out from their lives, they do the INFJ door slam. They will give you numerous chances to make things right and to right your wrongs, but once enough is enough they will remove you from their lives, and never look back.

Because they are always so caring, compassionate, and forgiving, it takes a lot for them to give up on someone, but once they do, it is almost always permanent.

In some cases, INFJs might still be in touch with you after door-slamming you, but your equation with them won’t be like before. They will talk to you but they will be a bit cold and formal. This normally happens when family members or work colleagues are involved i.e., people who they have to see and interact with frequently. Naturally, when it comes to people like this, it is not always possible to cut them off entirely.

In other circumstances, INFJs tend to do an emotional and mental door slam, which means they start to distance themselves from someone, without that someone realizing it. INFJs close themselves up emotionally and don’t let the other person know anything about their thoughts and feelings.

They drastically limit their contact and interaction with them, and will only be civil with them, for the sake of it. They stop being vulnerable and open in front of them, thereby protecting themselves from getting hurt again.

On the other hand, the INFJ door slam can sometimes be quite public and noticeable. This happens when INFJs go through a breakup or are estranged from someone close to them. They remove those people entirely from their lives, cut off all contact, block them from their social media, and stop interacting with them for good.

The thing about an INFJ is when they are deeply hurt, they don’t hate or dislike you, they just stop caring about you. They become so indifferent that hatred seems like a better option than that.

Contrary to popular belief, the INFJ door slam is not an easy thing to do, and it doesn’t happen overnight. INFJs build on that door for a very long time, by giving someone hundreds of chances to redeem themselves. But when an INFJ realizes that nothing is ever going to change and that the more they hold on, the more pain they will go through, they choose to slam the door.

Usually, the door slam is preceded by that one horrible fight or that one very painful incident that pushes INFJs over the edge, and they ultimately slam the door for good.

INFJ door slam
INFJ Door Slam

4 Stages Of An INFJ Door Slam

Stage #1

INFJs don’t give up that easily on someone, which is why they are some of the most forgiving people out there. They will constantly focus on the good things, and look for the silver lining, even though deep down inside they know the other person does not deserve that many chances.

Even when other people will criticize the said person, INFJs will defend them, stand up for them and highlight their good qualities, in the hope that it will contribute to their personal and emotional development.

Related: 9 Humbling Life Lessons I’ve Learned As An INFJ

Stage #2

No matter how patient and empathetic an INFJ might be, after a point, they are bound to run out of understanding and second chances. When they see that no matter how much they are trying to help someone be better, but they refuse to introspect and self-reflect, INFJs gradually begin to feel bitter and indignant about them. INFJs start to see the manipulative games they are playing, but they will still try to help them stay on the right path and do the right thing.

The only difference is that their tolerance starts to ebb, and irritation and annoyance start to simmer below the surface.

Stage #3

When things get too much for the INFJ to handle, the door slam happens. Maybe it’s one dialogue or sentence, or it’s simply something someone does that serves as the last nail on the coffin.

Once someone pushes an INFJ over the edge, and they make up their minds that they are not worth their time and effort anymore, it’s over for good. They slam the door and never look back. Most of the time, the door slam is silent, but always merciless and brutal.

Stage #4

Once the INFJ door slam happens, interactions and conversations take a negative turn and get more savage. Patience is replaced by intolerance.

Forgiveness is replaced by harshness. Empathy is replaced by indifference. And the interesting thing about all this is that they will never try to conceal their negative emotions anymore; whatever they feel, they will show it without thinking any more about how the other person might feel. In this stage, INFJs will be irritated and angered by every little thing, and they will lash out whenever they feel like it.

However, chances are unlikely that INFJs will ever directly confront someone, as they believe that arguments and fights are an utter waste of their time. They will simply behave indifferently and uncaringly and will continue to do so, no matter what.

INFJ Door Slam
INFJ Door Slam

Do INFJs Ever Re-Open The Door Again?

It completely depends on what and how the situation is. Sometimes INFJs might choose to re-open the door, sometimes they might not.

The only way an INFJ will re-open the door is when they are convinced that the other person won’t hurt them or break their heart again. The other person has to be genuinely sorry for the hurt they have caused the INFJ and should be ready to give the effort to make things right. Moreover, they need to realize and understand just how much they have hurt the INFJ, and how difficult it was for them to do the door slam.

Once the INFJ truly believes that someone should be given a second chance and they deserve to be a part of their life again, it is only then that the healing process begins. Better boundaries, open and transparent communication, respect, honesty, loyalty, trust, and genuine efforts are the only things that can improve the situation, and help things go back to the way they were before.

Related: Which Stressors Put You Over The Edge Based On Your MBTI Personality Type

How you treat an INFJ and what you say to them matters the most when it comes to understanding them better. INFJs are emotional, deep, and sometimes complex beings, which is why all they want is to be seen and heard. As long as you treat them with the respect they deserve, and there is integrity and stability in the relationship, they will be happy with you.

Most importantly, understand them and their emotions, and try to be as emotionally intelligent as you can, and you will never find yourself to be on the other side of the INFJ door slam.


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the infj door slam and its stages pin
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