What Is The INFJ Door Slam And Its 4 Stages

the infj door slam

The INFJ personality type is one of the most well-known Myers-Briggs personality types out there, and they stand for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judgment. They are probably the most sensitive and empathetic people you will ever come across, who are extremely caring and compassionate. But there is one thing about them that disputes their gentle nature, and that is their famous INFJ door slam.

The INFJ door slam scares and confuses everyone around them, even the ones who are the closest to them. But what is the INFJ door slam, and why do they do it? And most importantly, does the slammed door have a chance of opening again?

Related: Why An INFJ Removes People From Their Lives With The Unpopular “Door Slam”

What Is The INFJ Door Slam?

When an INFJ has had enough, and they decide to cut someone out from their lives, they do the INFJ door slam. They will give you numerous chances to make things right and to right your wrongs, but once enough is enough they will remove you from their lives, and never look back.

Because they are always so caring, compassionate, and forgiving, it takes a lot for them to give up on someone, but once they do, it is almost always permanent.

In some cases, INFJs might still be in touch with you after door-slamming you, but your equation with them won’t be like before. They will talk to you but they will be a bit cold and formal. This normally happens when family members or work colleagues are involved i.e., people who they have to see and interact with frequently. Naturally, when it comes to people like this, it is not always possible to cut them off entirely.

In other circumstances, INFJs tend to do an emotional and mental door slam, which means they start to distance themselves from someone, without that someone realizing it. INFJs close themselves up emotionally and don’t let the other person know anything about their thoughts and feelings.

They drastically limit their contact and interaction with them, and will only be civil with them, for the sake of it. They stop being vulnerable and open in front of them, thereby protecting themselves from getting hurt again.

On the other hand, the INFJ door slam can sometimes be quite public and noticeable. This happens when INFJs go through a breakup or are estranged from someone close to them. They remove those people entirely from their lives, cut off all contact, block them from their social media, and stop interacting with them for good.

The thing about an INFJ is when they are deeply hurt, they don’t hate or dislike you, they just stop caring about you. They become so indifferent that hatred seems like a better option than that.

Contrary to popular belief, the INFJ door slam is not an easy thing to do, and it doesn’t happen overnight. INFJs build on that door for a very long time, by giving someone hundreds of chances to redeem themselves. But when an INFJ realizes that nothing is ever going to change and that the more they hold on, the more pain they will go through, they choose to slam the door.

Usually, the door slam is preceded by that one horrible fight or that one very painful incident that pushes INFJs over the edge, and they ultimately slam the door for good.

INFJ door slam
INFJ Door Slam

4 Stages Of An INFJ Door Slam

Stage #1

INFJs don’t give up that easily on someone, which is why they are some of the most forgiving people out there. They will constantly focus on the good things, and look for the silver lining, even though deep down inside they know the other person does not deserve that many chances.

Even when other people will criticize the said person, INFJs will defend them, stand up for them and highlight their good qualities, in the hope that it will contribute to their personal and emotional development.

Related: 9 Humbling Life Lessons I’ve Learned As An INFJ

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Alexandra Hall

Hi there! I am someone who is trying to navigate through life, one day at a time. Writing is my passion and my job, and I am happiest when I am writing. I love reading comic books, watching drama movies, playing with my dogs and generally lazing around. An introvert by nature, you can find me in the farthest corner of the room in every party, playing with the dog and having my own party.View Author posts