How To Stop Being Jealous

 / 

,
How Stop Being Jealous

Feeling jealous of someone or by something is extremely common. Although, it’s not a good place to be, these unhealthy feelings crawled into our minds at some point or the other. If you want to break free from this wasted emotion of envy, here are some actionable tips to follow. How can we stop being jealous and learn to truly love and embrace our own lives?

Low self-worth can be the cause as well as the effect of being Jealous.

A key ingredient to genuine happiness is gratitude—being happy with what you have. A key ingredient to being miserable is coveting what someone else has, and thinking you aren’t enough. In this day and age, it’s easier than ever to be jealous because we have more access to each other’s lives than ever before.

But we don’t have access to their real lives; instead, we have access to the idealized, filtered, highlight reel of their lives. And even though we know that what we see on social media isn’t “real,” it can really have a strong, often negative, effect on us.

Jealousy can be directed at many sources and doesn’t just come from social media. We can be jealous of friends, family members, co-workers. We can grapple with jealousy in our relationships…when he talks to another girl, looks at another girl, mentions another girl.

Jealousy is an impulse, an emotion that sometimes leads to action.

If it doesn’t, then it just festers within us and causes misery. You never feel at ease; you can never fully appreciate what you have; there is always that sense of lacking, a void that demands to be filled. Jealousy can range from being a hindrance in your everyday life to being dark and destructive, causing humans to do heinous things.

But where does it come from and how do we fix it? How can we stop being jealous and learn to truly love and embrace our own lives?

The social media effect

I only recently got more active on social media—my main impetus is my job, but I found that it’s pretty fun! I started making boards on Pinterest (this actually helped a lot when I was planning my wedding!) and posting inspiring quotes on our ANM Instagram, engaging more on Facebook, and even joining Snapchat (username sabrinaalexis23, it’s strangely addicting!).

At first, social media enhanced my life. I kept limits on it; I used it to promote good and to get ideas to enhance my life. When I moved into a new apartment and was overwhelmed about how to decorate, I spent hours on Pinterest and got so many amazing ideas and now I have a home that I love (and that is, dare I say it, Pinterest-worthy!). I used social media for decorating ideas, healthy recipes, style inspiration, and new quotes—and it was great!

But then things started to turn. In time, I no longer felt inspired by this inundation of information. Rather,  I felt defeated and I started feeling bad about myself. I would compare myself and my life to these strangers with seemingly picture-perfect lives and it didn’t feel good. On social media, there is always a way to feel bad about what you have.

There will always be someone with a better body (especially those fitness bloggers!), a nicer home, a bigger wardrobe, shinier hair, smoother skin, perfect makeup techniques, and some girl on a perfectly sanded beach somewhere gorgeous and exotic with a piña colada perched between her thigh gap.

Hanna Krasnova of Humboldt University in Berlin, the co-author of the study on Facebook and envy, has studied the effects of Instagram and she told Slate: “You get more explicit and implicit cues of people being happy, rich, and successful from a photo than from a status update. A photo can very powerfully provoke immediate social comparison, and that can trigger feelings of inferiority.”

On social media, you’ll find a better version of everything because social media is, in many ways, a fantasy. It allows us to create and filter the absolute best versions of ourselves.

Read How Smartphones and Social Comparison are Making Us Unhappy?

Plenty of women will post pictures when their boyfriend buys them roses and makes them breakfast in bed (#luckiestgirlever), but who is going to upload a photo on Instagram of their tear-stained face in the midst of a fight with this perfect boyfriend, or include a clip in their Snapchat story of doors slamming and insults being hurled?

Trust me, I have known a lot of people in my life. Top editors, celebrities, socialites, trust-fund babies, best-selling authors, people at the top of their game in life, people who have it all…and you know what I’ve learned? No one has it all! Since I write about relationships people usually feel comfortable opening up to me about their problems, and I’m always happy to help.

But through that, I’ve seen just how sad a lot of people are deep down. Just how much they wish their life was some other way. We’re all going in circles being jealous of what others have. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener…

It’s a really miserable way to live. I’m writing this article for you but I’m also talking to myself here!

But let’s go deeper…

Get to the root of it

Jealousy usually stems from a feeling of lack within yourself. You feel like there is some sort of void within you and that once you fill it, you’ll be complete and happy. The best way to counteract this feeling is to focus on appreciating what you have…but this isn’t always easy.

I am married and pregnant and so happy and excited for all the changes that life will bring (in only a few short months!). At the same time, I sometimes struggle with those feelings of something missing. I miss traveling and going out with my friends and living an exciting, fast-paced life.

During the first few months of my pregnancy, when I was feeling really sick all the time and was basically chained to my couch, unable to move, I found myself getting sucked into the spiral of feeling really low, of spending hours on my phone seeing what everyone else was up to and wishing I could do those things too.

And I felt guilty about it because I know there are many, many women out there—especially those who struggle with infertility, and I, unfortunately, know a few and have seen how brutal it is—who would trade places with me in a second. I also felt guilty because this is the life I wanted for so long and now I finally have it!

It was a really icky feeling and I didn’t want to be a part of it any longer. So I decided to stop thinking about all the things I can’t do right now and enjoy the phase of life that I’m currently in. This is my first baby…and my last chance to be selfish and live for me because I know (and have been told by basically everyone I know with children) that when this baby comes, those days are over! Right now I can focus on work, on writing, on my new book, on spending time with my husband.

It isn’t always easy (especially thanks to Instagram and seeing tight and toned tummies on beautiful beaches with delicious-looking alcoholic beverages…ahh, but there I go again, thinking about what I can’t have right now!), but it is so important. It is the most important.

This is just a personal example based on where I’m at in my life right now. But no matter what you’re struggling with, it’s important to recognize that jealousy usually stems from a void. The best way to cure it is to fill the void with other things and to really try and hone in on how good you have it because you probably have a lot going on in your life that other people wish and pray they had.

Realize where happiness comes from

Things don’t buy you happiness. I’m sure you’ve noticed this in your own life anytime you’ve splurged on an item, maybe a handbag or pair of shoes. Yes, it’s thrilling at first, but it wears off quickly and swiftly and soon enough you’re coveting something else.

Happiness doesn’t come from the perfect body or being in a relationship, even with a guy who does all sorts of romantic, hashtag-worthy things. These things can enhance your level of happiness, but that’s not really where happiness comes from—not the real stuff, anyway.

Happiness starts from within. It comes from accepting and appreciating who you are and your life circumstances and using that to fulfill your potential, to live a meaningful life that makes you fulfilled. We all have that something that makes us come alive, that reminds us why we’re here and what we’re meant to be doing with our time. Focus on those things and you’llll stop being jealous!

Read Harvard Study Finds #1 Way To Happiness

You have exactly what you need

Not everyone can have everything—we can’t all be smart and beautiful and talented because then none of those things would exist. If the world was full of geniuses, there would be no such thing as a genius. There would just be one state of being.

What we all need to realize is that we were given a unique toolbox to be the person we’re meant to be. And there is no one else like you in the entire world, just like there are no two snowflakes that are exactly the same (a fact that I still find staggering, and how do you ever prove that concretely? But I digress…).

We all have different gifts; that’s what makes the world run as it does. Some people are beautiful, some are brainy, some are funny, some are serious, some are outgoing, some are introverted, some can sing, some can paint, some can write, some are tall, some are short, some are thin, some are curvy, and some are a combination of a few of these things, but no one can be all of these things. It’s just not possible and it doesn’t exist.

Figuring out what to do with my life was easy for me because I’m not someone who is good at a million things. If anything, I’m mediocre at a lot of things and really good at one thing. I can write—it’s easy for me and I think I’m pretty good at it. But my whole life I struggled with wishing I was better at other things.

I wished I was good at math (I still need my fingers to help me add, no joke!), wished I was a good artist (painting just looks so fun!), wished I could play an instrument, and wished I was better at certain sports. But as I’ve gotten older I realize that I’m not good at those things because I don’t need to be good at those things! That’s not my purpose in life. My purpose is to write and share insights, and that’s what I do.

We can’t be everything. This was a big struggle for me, and such a relief when I really realized and internalized it.

Choose your reactions

Jealousy is an emotion, and like other emotions, it can be controlled. You can choose to not give in to your jealous feelings. You can choose to be happy with what you have instead of wishing you had what someone else does.

That’s how you can stop being jealous.

When you feel that green monster being roused, you have two options. You can either feed it with thoughts such as, “Why can’t I look like that/have that/be that?” and then feel really bad about your life. Or you can say, “Wow, that’s awesome for that person, good for them,” and go about your life.

Stop Being Jealous And Jealousy

If they have something you want, then use it as inspiration to get it—maybe inspiration to work out more, eat healthier or pursue your passions. The point is, you can choose what thoughts to engage with. If you go down a negative path, then the thoughts will keep flooding you and will keep wedging themselves in this empty space, making it even larger and making you feel even worse.

Read 7 Little Lies Jealousy Whispers in Your Ear

Be happy for other people

Jealousy stems from being upset that someone else has something we want. Even if it’s something we already have, we might get upset that they have it too! I don’t know why, but it can be really challenging to be genuinely happy for other people.

What you need to realize is that someone else’s good fortune doesn’t take anything away from you (unless they physically took something away from you!).

If your friend gets engaged, be happy for her! Yes, maybe you are beyond sick of the single life and it isn’t fair that she found a great guy so easily, but if it happened for her, it can happen for you, or maybe you’ll get something better.

If your friend lost a ton of weight, don’t envy her. Use it as inspiration to get to the gym and eat better. If your friend got a promotion…great for her! It’s not like you were up against her for the job. Try to be inspired by the fortune of others, rather than discouraged and resentful. Trust me, you’ll be a much happier, better person for it.…

Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy in relationships can be a horrible, destructive force. It causes us to act irrationally, and sometimes plain crazy. One time a reader messaged me asking what to do about her boyfriend. She sent me a series of screengrabs from their text conversations and they were all basically exactly the same.

Her: Were you with a girl last night?

Him: No!

Her: Do you swear you weren’t?

Him: Yes!

Her: Did you talk to another girl?

Him: No! Why are you so jealous and crazy?

Her: I just need you to answer me, did you speak to another girl last night?

Him: Stop asking me the same question! Something’s wrong with you, how many times can I tell you the same thing?

Her: Okay last question, why did you like another girl’s picture on Facebook? Are you seeing her behind my back?

Him: OMG YOU’RE INSANE I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

This girl was feeling jealous and was terrified of losing her guy, and she seemed oblivious to the fact that her jealousy was the very thing pushing him away!

Jealousy and paranoia go hand in hand. Being paranoid that your boyfriend is going to cheat will not make him any less likely to cheat. You need to learn to separate fact from fiction, to see what is reality and what are your own emotionally generated delusions.

How to stop being jealous in relationships?

Read 7 Ways You Can Deal With Jealousy In Your Relationship

Usually, when we become jealous in a relationship it’s not because of something that is, but because of something that we fear. For example, your guy talks to another girl and you get jealous because you fear that maybe he’ll cheat, or that he’ll want to cheat.

The feeling beneath that is insecurity; it’s thinking that she’s better than you. And this creates a fear—a fear that he’ll leave because you aren’t worthy. All of this is self-generated; you are creating this reality.

fear and jealous

The good news is that you have the ability to write a different script. You can choose to participate in a line of thinking that makes you feel good about yourself. You can choose to strengthen your relationship with him.

Maybe by talking about your fears and vulnerabilities, or by connecting in different ways. This is much more productive than starting a fight with him because you’re jealous and afraid of certain outcomes.

Remember, jealousy usually stems from within you. It’s up to you to get it under control. Now, what if your guy does things that border on shady? What if he has cheated or if he is sneaky? Well, that’s a different topic.

The issue here is trust, not jealousy. And that is also on you to decide why you would want to be in a relationship with someone who you can’t trust. But like I said, that’s a different discussion.

Jealousy comes down to desire. We desire something someone else has and believe that we can, and should, have the same thing. The good news is we can control our desires, we can control our thoughts, and the best way to have a happy life that you love is to start living the life you have!

(Side note: be sure to take our “Are You Accidentally Destroying Your Love Life?” quiz to make sure you aren’t committing some of the greatest relationship sins, like jealousy among others.)

And I know I was kind of hard on social media, that’s why I really try to be as inspiring as possible on our social media channels!

Written by: Sabrina Alexis
Originally appeared on: A New Mode
Follow Sabrina on Instagram and subscribe to her YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/anewmodechannel

How Stop Being Jealous pin
how to stop being jealous pinop
How To Stop Being Jealous pin
Ads

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

Do You Get Offended Easily? 5 Reasons Why And How To Deal With This

Do You Get Offended Easily? Reasons Why You Feel Like This

Are you easily offended and find yourself in a huff over the smallest things? You’re not alone. When you get offended easily, it can be a real struggle, turning minor hiccups into major headaches. But hey, there’s a silver lining—understanding the reasons why you get easily offended & learning how to dial down the drama can make all the difference.

Maybe you don’t get offended easily. If so, kudos!

Or maybe…

You already know you get offended easily (even if it’s just about one specific topic or issue), and it’s something you’re ready to address.

You suspect you’re more



Up Next

The Burnt Toast Theory: 5 Lessons To Learn From Unpredictability In Life

What Is The Burnt Toast Theory? Important Lessons To Learn

Did you burn your morning toast this morning? As frustrating as it is, what if I told you that it might have protected you from something worse?The Burnt Toast Theory of Life is a viral idea that has been floating around on TikTok and changes the way we look at life and has us accepting the curveballs of life!

What Is The Burnt Toast Theory of Life?

The “Burnt Toast Theory” is an allegory that is commonly used in self-help and motivational circles.

According to its creator Ingrid, when life hands us lemons (or burnt toast), it could be steering us away from things we don’t need



Up Next

How To Stop Being Negative In Your Relationship? 4 Strategies That Can Make A Difference

How To Stop Being Negative In A Relationship? Strategies

Negativity in relationships is like slow poison; with time, negativity can ruin a relationship for good. So, how to stop being negative in a relationship? This article is going to talk about the repercussions of negativity in relationships and how to stop being negative in one.

Many of us have been there.

You bring up an issue with your partner, and you feel attacked by their response. You get defensive and return fire—only for them to do the same. It’s a battle that no one can win.

Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Making small shifts to your mindset can



Up Next

How To Overcome Arrival Fallacy And Find True Fulfillment 

Arrival Fallacy Alert: Mastering Happiness Beyond Illusions

Ever felt that you will be happy only when you achieve a particular goal? Well, we have all felt like that at some point in our lives. And it makes sense, when you work hard to reach an important goal, your happiness and being becomes tied to it. However, this mindset, known as arrival fallacy in psychology, can have a strong impact on your life and relationships.

So let’s explore the concept of arrival fallacy, what causes arrival fallacy, arrival fallacy in relationships and some helpful tips for overcoming arrival fallacy. 

What Is Arrival Fallacy?

Arrival fallacy is a false belief that achieving a specific



Up Next

How To Speak With Care to Yourself and Others? 8 Strategies For Practicing Right Speech

Right Speech: Strategies For Practicing Right Speech

If you are frustrated of yourself for putting your foot in your mouth all the time, then this you’ve come to the right place. Explore how to practice Right Speech as advised by The Buddha, and how practicing Right Speech can go a long way in helping you be more mindful.

KEY POINTS

People can learn to control their speech—both inner and outer—in order to avoid pain and regret.

Changing one’s habit of speech demands practice bringing mindful attention to one’s inner experiences.

One can practice being mindful when it counts, rather than trying to be mindful all the time.



Up Next

How To Handle Political Differences In Your Relationships: Strengthening Ties

Political Differences In Your Relationships: Empower Harmony

Dealing with political differences in your relationships can feel like a slippery slope. So now the question is how to handle political differences in your relationships? This article is going to talk about the best way to handle political differences with someone you love, without alienating them.

We are tied to our beliefs, and the more opposition we run up against, often, the stronger these beliefs become.

How do you feel when someone implies that your political beliefs are “wrong?” If you’re like most people, it fuels the fire within you and you put on your fighting gloves, ready to strike the second you hear one more, “But…”



Up Next

The Power Of Intention For Living Fully: 5 Ways Of Clarifying Your Intentions

The Power Of Intention: Ways Of Clarifying Your Intentions

Living with intention is one of the most powerful skills to learn, and once you understand the power of intention, and learn how to master it, you’ll see how much your life changes for the better. Let’s explore the power of intention, and what it means living a life of intention.

KEY POINTS

Intention is knowing who we want to be and where we want to go, as well as how we navigate getting there.

We can feel discomfort when we live out of alignment with our intentions.

Clarifying our intentions and recommitting ourselves to them regularly helps us feel confident and vibran