How To Stop Being Jealous: 9 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself


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how to stop being jealous

If you have felt the tinge of jealousy when you came to know about your best friend’s upcoming Paris trip or your cousin making the dean’s list, go easy on yourself. Although it is commendable to learn how to stop being jealous, understand that jealousy, like any other emotion, is a natural human reaction that says a lot about our authentic selves.

When we take the time to understand our envy, instead of chastising ourselves for feeling a so-called “negative emotion”, we unlock pathways to self-awareness and healing. So the next time when that green-eyed monster shows up, sit with it to find answers to these 9 questions.

Answers To These 9 Questions Will Teach You How To Stop Being Jealous

If you are trying to learn how to not be jealous of others’ success and happiness, know that repressing your feelings with pseudo or toxic positivity will not do. Rather invest some time and energy into understanding your jealousy and you will uncover some valuable insights about yourself.

1. Why Am I Getting Jealous?

When you feel that pang of jealousy, ask yourself why does it matter to you? Dig deep and find out what’s triggering you. For instance, if you are single and your bestie is getting married next week, does it change anything between you two? Or will it have any effect on your singlehood? Don’t you want the best for your friend? Or do you secretly resent them? If so, why? Keep asking yourself questions in this line, till you get to the bottom of your feelings.

Related: Shadow Work: How to Let Your Demons Guide You

2. Am I Blowing Things Up?

Sometimes our brain attaches more importance to a certain accomplishment than what is needed. Sure your colleague worked hard and got that big promotion and it is a big deal; but is it a life-altering event? Does this promotion mean your team-mate is bound to surpass you in every aspect of your life or does it imply that you and all those who were passed over for that career leg-up are not good enough? Once you find answers to all these questions, you will gain much clarity.

3. What Does My Jealousy Reveal About Myself?

How To Stop Being Jealous: 9 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

This question can enable you to discover many hidden desires and talents tucked away in your subconscious. Many a time we have potential, fear, or longing that we are not aware of. You can work a corporate 9 to 5 job yet have a hidden passion for singing. You want to travel the world but have a fear of flying. In such cases, you might get a jab of envy when you see a friend making it big as a singer or traveling the globe. The trick here is to identify and acknowledge these hidden facets of your personality for your emotional well-being.

Related: Jealousy: How It Can Kill Your Relationship

4. What Can I Learn From My Envy?

When you are feeling miserable in the wake of someone’s good news, try to take this painful experience in your stride and focus on the lesson it is trying to teach you. If your friend could shed those extra pounds and you haven’t, instead of sulking, try to find out what diet or exercise worked for her. Even if you don’t want to follow in her footsteps, it will give you insight and help you process your unresolved resentment towards her.

Related: The Surprising Way Jealousy Can Actually Improve Your Relationship

5. What Can I Replace This Feeling With?

It is never a good feeling gulping down the poison of your own envious thoughts. When you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t focus on how to stop being jealous; instead, find ways to replace this feeling with something more creative. Whatever triggered your jealousy is asking you to work on that aspect of your life. So what you couldn’t publish your story and your friend could? Keep honing your writing skills. Keep writing and keep getting better. Use your jealousy as fuel and you will get there eventually.

Related: 7 Ways You Can Deal With Jealousy In Your Relationship

6. What Are My Blessings?

Often we overlook the blessings that have been bestowed upon us and keep staring at the half-empty glass. If you want to stop jealousy from ruining your peace and relationships, you need to start counting your blessings. If you can be grateful and fully aware of all the things that are going well in your life, you will stop living in the “lack mentality” and no longer feel sorry for yourself when others get their abundance. If you want to know how to stop being jealous, you need to practice gratitude.

7. Am I Not My Only Competition?

The answer to this question is yes, you are your only competition. You must look back on your journey and see how far you have come. If you feel you are still repeating your past mistakes, change things around and start making better choices. If you feel you have learned from your experiences and have come a long way, well, kudos! You have no reason to feel bad. Your healing and achievements will be according to your efforts and divine timing. Be patient!

8. When Did I Learn To Be Jealous?

In our journey of healing not only do we have to learn a lot, but we also have to unlearn. We have to peel off layers after layers of internalized toxic beliefs and dysfunctional habits that we have learned from our parents or the society around us. Maybe you were encouraged to always do better than your peers at school, or fight for the attention of your primary caregiver, or maybe sibling rivalry was normal while growing up. But that does not mean you have to keep on this tradition and keep comparing yourself with others. Before knowing how to stop being jealous, know when you started feeling jealousy.

9. What Action Can I Take To Feel Better?

After all has been said and done, you need to take some action. Merely making a list and writing in your journal will not get you to overcome your jealousy. Once you are clear on your hidden desires and fears, take action on the insights you have discovered through the process of soul-searching. You might have to come out of your comfort zone and do something new or challenging. But the outcome will be worth it and it will be much better than loathing and bitterness. You owe this to your higher self.

Take Your Power Back

Processing our jealous behavioral trends is critical for the evolution of our personality. So how to not be jealous should not be the burning question here. Be kind to yourself and don’t get sucked in the make-believe game of competitions. You must know what matters to you and realize that you are the one who has control over your life. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, take your power back and work towards your dream life.

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⚠️ Liza is in training with WMHA and may not always provide the most accurate information.