All relationships face their own hurdles and challenges, but the most challenging is to move on after being cheated on. Cheating in relationships is the hardest to recover, but accepting the reality can be the first step if you want to survive infidelity and get your life back on track. Here’re some tips on how to heal after being cheated on.
Are you reeling from the discovery that your boyfriend cheated and wondering how you will ever survive the pain that you are feeling? Do you just want to curl up in a little ball and disappear?
I am so sorry if you are feeling this way. I totally get it – I have been there, as have many, many women before you. Having your boyfriend cheat on you, and the ensuing heartbreak, is one of the worst things you can go through and it feels like it will never end.
Well, I can promise you that, not only can you survive the fact that your boyfriend cheated but you can even thrive! I know it seems impossible right now but I promise you, you can! Here are 5 ways to survive, and thrive, after your boyfriend cheated!
How To Heal After Being Cheated On?
1. Know that it’s not your fault.
First and foremost, if your boyfriend cheated, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. So many women blame themselves when their boyfriends cheat. They believe that if only they had been hotter, smarter, kinder, more outgoing, around more, etc. that their boyfriend would never have cheated.
A client of mine found out that her boyfriend had cheated and the first place that she went was that it was her fault. She had been working too hard and spending lots of time with her friends and she knew that she wasn’t giving him as much attention as he might like. So, she blamed herself for his infidelity.
I reminded her that there are two people in every relationship and that infidelity doesn’t usually happen in a void. I asked her if her boyfriend had spoken to her about the fact that he had been feeling neglected. She said he did not. She was guessing maybe he was but, because he didn’t speak up, she just continued on.
I do believe that if her boyfriend had spoken up, she might have been able to change her behaviors so that he was feeling more settled in the relationship. But he did not speak up – he cheated.
And, I would argue, that cheating is taking the coward’s way out. Instead of communicating with her, my client’s boyfriend looked outside of their relationship to get the connection he wanted. And that was not her fault. And neither is your boyfriend’s cheating.
2. Talk to him about it.
I am sure that you are torn right now. Part of you wants to yell and scream and walk out the door. Another part of you wants to pretend that none of this happened and just go on with your life. And I am guessing that the idea of talking to your boyfriend in any reasonable way about what happened feels unfathomable.
One of the most important ways to survive after your boyfriend cheated is by talking to him about it. Why? Because it’s important that you each get a chance to talk and be heard. Because, if you can do that, figuring out what the next steps are, will be easier.
First, you want to listen to what he has to say. He might have nothing to say which might make your decision whether to stay or go easy. But he might very well have something to say that he wants you to hear. Something that he hasn’t said before, like my client above. Either way, it is important that he be given the chance to talk – and you must be willing to truly listen.
Secondly, it is very important that you get the opportunity to say what you need to say. It is important that you get to ask questions, that you are able to express your anger and hurt, and that you get to say everything that you need to say so that you can move forward, one way or the other, without words being left unsaid.
A key part of how to survive after your boyfriend cheated, whether you stay or not, is to make sure that you have said everything that you want to say so that you know that you can move forward having been honest with him and with yourself.
All of that being said, if you truly feel that you have nothing to say to your boyfriend, that nothing he could say would make any difference, you don’t have to talk to him. It is within your rights to walk away and never look back. He cheated. You didn’t. You can decide.
3. Get some help.
If you want to survive after your boyfriend cheated, I would 100% percent encourage you to get some help – a professional who can help you process your feelings and figure out what are your next steps.
Of course, you have your friends and your sister and your mother and your co-workers and the internet and the guy who tends a bar down the street. You can talk to all of these people about what happened and each of them will have an opinion to share with you. The thing is, people who aren’t professionals will give you advice based on their own experiences, not necessarily based on your story.
Furthermore, our friends and relatives will generally tell us what we want to hear. If you are feeling sentimental about your person one night, your friend will support you with reasons you can work things out. If you go out with another friend the next night and express your anger, that friend will give you all sorts of reasons to break up with him.
The more people you ask, the more confused you will get. And, if you decide to get back together with him, all of those people who you shared your story with will not be so happy to welcome your boyfriend back into the fold.
So, if you want to survive after your boyfriend cheated, get some help. Find someone (like me!) who will listen to YOUR story and YOUR feelings and use their professional experience to help you move forward from where you are right now. Wouldn’t that feel great? To move forward?