2. Feel the feelings that you have access to
Once you have exposed the full truth of your situation to yourself, there will very likely be some (or a lot of) unfelt emotional residue to process.
You may have to sob, or yell, or lie down despondently, or stomp your feet or all of the above. Depending on the depth of the wound, this may take a matter of days, or a matter of years.
One of the most common fears that comes up when you are about to lean into this stage is,
“What if my sadness/anger/resentment/etc. goes on forever?
What if it’s a never ending well of emotion?”
Nothing lasts forever. Your sadness can be transcended. Your anger can be released. Feel your feelings fully, and you will release the stuck energy that has lived in your body for as long as it has.
3. Heal it in relationship with others
Just as all pain is experienced in relationship, it can only be healed in relationship. There is value in processing your thoughts and feelings on your own (embracing quiet, solitude, self-reflection, etc.) eventually you must allow other people to act for mirrors for your healing.
I believe that it is your responsibility to heal it up to the 70% ceiling of healing, that you have access to on your own, and that the last 30% must be healed by using others as mirrors for your process.
It’s one thing to tell yourself that something that you fear about yourself as being un-loveable is actually very love-able (using affirmations or journaling, for example), and it’s another thing entirely to allow yourself to be experienced in the midst of your pain and have another person tell you that you are indeed love-able.
Lean on friends, family members, coaches, therapists, and your community.
Allow yourself to extend to others.
Allow yourself to be seen by others.
Allow yourself to be received by others.
Allow yourself to be loved by others.
And watch your pain, trauma, and shame stories melt away.
Written by Jordan Gray
Originally appeared in www.jordangrayconsulting.com
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