Are you giving too much in a relationship?
Giving is a good moral thing. We give to others in need, we give to make ourselves happy and we give because we have so much to share in our abundance.
In relationships, we give even more than that, so much that we make regular sacrifices to keep our partner happy. But is it possible that we give too much? Can this really happen?
A generous heart is different than others. I was like that when I was younger, I thought everyone was looking out for my well-being. If I liked someone, I tried to show it in actions as well as gifts because to me, they were willing to give just as much. Boy, was I wrong?
Many times, after buying things for others, I was met with nothing, not even a thank you. My heart was crushed, but my forgiveness made me do it all over again.
I gave to people who could care less for years, decades before I realized that not everyone was worthy of my kindness.
Giving Too Much In The Relationship
Entering into a relationship in early adulthood, I was excited. I thought it was simple, I would be generous and my boyfriend would return my generosity as well. My love was a deep love. I’ve heard people call this kind of love, “loving hard”. I was sensitive and everywhere I went, I saw things I wanted to buy for my boyfriend, and so I did.
Related: A Relationship Without Empathy
The problem with this situation is that my expectations were not met. I thought that when I gave him a watch or a new shirt, that we would be appreciative, smile and thank me. He thanked me all right, but then went on about things as if he hadn’t received a thing. Days afterward, he wouldn’t return with any nice gifts for me, in fact he didn’t even wear the watch.
It was the same thing when it came to immaterial gifts, such as compromising during disagreements. He always wanted to be in control of the situation, making my opinions seem ludicrous. When I had entered into the relationship, I had expectations. I wanted the same consideration that I gave to him during communication, but it always seemed so one-sided.
Being so young, I just assumed he would eventually change, mature, and so I tried to have patience. We married, and I continued this routine for years, even decades of life, with the idea that it was normal for men to turn a cold shoulder toward my feelings. It was a twisted lie, but unfortunately, society tells many of those.
I grew up in a generosity that was not reciprocated. In fact, there were many things that were not evenly yoked. I kept trying, and analyzing myself for what might be causing the issues. The more I turned inward to examine my own faults, the more he realized that I would never stand up for myself. To make a long story short, my over generosity made it easier for a toxic person to control me. It took much longer than it should for me to wake up.
I had given way too much of myself and received little in return-at least, not in the right proportions.
The Only Way Out
What you allow is how you will label yourself. If you give and give and do not receive inequality, then you will be seen as a pushover. Your behavior will tell others that you can be used. As far as your partner goes, they will take advantage of you in every way possible, if they are the unappreciative type. The longer you remain in a situation like this and continue to give openly, the more control the partner will gain over you. When you get the nerve to leave the relationship, it will be difficult.
When you make plans to change your life and appreciate your worth, your boyfriend/girlfriend will see they are losing something valuable to them.
Although they did not give back, they enjoyed the constant pampering and attention. Since you woke to the truth, they know the “hard love” is about to end. They will try every tactic to get you to stay, not to be a better person, but to enjoy even more undeserved kindnesses. The only way to end this thing is to rip it away like a band-aid.
It Will Not Be Easy
Your ex-partner will still try to win your back, now with gifts and consideration-not to mention pampering of their own! The real strength comes when you refuse to accept these ploys and move on. There are rare exceptions where people change, but most of the time, a person’s character is just what it is-a a permanent part of their mindset. It’s best to leave the past in the past and move on to those who WILL appreciate your giving spirit.
It All Boils Down To This
Giving is love. To give to others out of the kindness of your heart is to make someone’s day, week, or month better than it was before. It seems that we would naturally return the giving and become a society of kind people. We are not all the same, but it wouldn’t be right if we were. The key is to find someone who feels the same way about giving as you do, and that will have eliminated the unnecessary heartbreak of unreciprocated kindness.
Practice giving and loving with your whole heart. Anyone can learn to be a truly kind person if they want.
Are you giving too much in relationships? Are you ready to break the pattern? Let me know in the comments.