What to do before she moves in?
It’s interesting, there seems to be a lot of talk around Valentine’s Day of couples moving in together. Is that the gift that special person in your life is looking for?
I want to talk about moving in together because I have lived with quite a number of women, and I’ve got to tell you something: I was that guy that would move them in a little too quickly. And if I really followed a set of guidelines, I probably would have never moved in with any of them!
You’ve got to know the right time to move them in. Let’s talk about a couple of things. Let’s call this:
The 3 Key Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before They Move In
Thing #1: You need to know exactly how they like to keep the house.
One of the things you need to do before you move in with somebody is to go to their house often and look around. Are they clean, are they neat, are their piles of clothes, is everything hidden in the closets? How do they like to live, what are their sleeping habits, what are their morning habits?
You want to know about all their habits ahead of time because if you’re Mrs. Neat Freak and he’s Mr. Messy, it’s going to cause fights moving forward.
Now that’s what I consider a very superficial thing that you can work through. The next two become more I would say life-changing.
Thing #2: What are their television habits?
Yeah, I know, is that life-changing? You’re probably thinking that there’s no way in the world television habits can be life-changing, but they actually are. If you move in with a TV-aholic, and you’re not a TV-aholic, it’s going to drive you crazy. It’s going to make you see red 24-7.
So you need to get an idea of what their favorite shows are, how often they like to watch TV, and if they’re TV watchers before they go to sleep.
A client of mine never liked TV before she went to sleep. When they were just dating, her boyfriend never put the TV on before they went to sleep. When he moved in, that habit kind of crawled in there and it drove her bananas! She had to buy earplugs because he couldn’t fall asleep with TV and she couldn’t fall asleep without TV. So either one was having insomnia and cursing the other one out, or the other one was having insomnia and cursing the other one out.
Not life-changing enough? Okay, let’s go to the big thing.
Thing #3: Do you share the same views on life, kids, money, finances, your future, where you want to live, etc.?
These are the things we never like to talk about when we’re in the beginning stages of a relationship. Yet, these are the most important issues to talk about.
I’m sure when you’re reading the others, you were thinking, “Geez, David, those other things are so superficial, I can live with that.” And I’m sure you can, but you can’t live with somebody who wants to move to the country when you’re a city person. Or you can live with someone who’s idea of raising children means taking them to the zoo every morning when you would rather stay home with them and read quietly.
Related: Moving Beyond Mistakes in Marriage
Talk about kids, how you want to raise them, what your beliefs are, religion, everything. Talk it all out because it’s better to find this stuff out in the beginning than right before you’re packing your bags or being asked to not be home for a few hours while they move out.