How To Not Get Fooled By The Charming and Seductive Narcissist

The charming and seductive narcissist will charm you easily and captivate your attention to take advantage of you. You can easily be fooled by their charm and become a puppet in their crafty hands.

 

As a psychiatrist, I strongly believe that it is important to know about the narcissistic personality so you can have realistic expectations when dealing with coworkers, friends, or family members who may have some of these qualities.

In “Emotional Freedom” I describe how to recognize a narcissist. Here are some ways: Their motto is “Me first!” Everything’s all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention. A legend in their own mind, the world is reflected in their image. They’ll corner you at a party, recount their life saga. Some narcissists are unlikable, flagrant egotists. Others can be charming, intelligent, caring–that is, until their guru-status is threatened. When you stop stroking their ego or beg to disagree, they can turn on you and become punishing. Once you catch onto this pattern, a narcissist seems about as charming as a banana peel.

These people are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. (The damage of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly detailed in Alice Miller’s Drama of the Gifted Child). Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them. Though often highly intuitive, they mainly use intuition for self-interest and manipulation.’ As the Hassidic proverb cautions, “There is no room for God in him that is full of himself.”

 

To find out if you’re dealing with a narcissist, ask yourself the following questions from “Emotional Freedom.”

QUIZ: AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST?

  • Does the person act as if life revolves around them?
  • Do I have to compliment them to get their attention or approval?
  • Do they constantly steer the conversation back to themselves?
  • Do they downplay my feelings or interests?
  • If I disagree, do they become cold or withholding?

If you answer “yes” to one or two questions, it’s likely you’re dealing with a narcissist. Responding “yes” to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is violating your emotional freedom.

Narcissists are hard nuts to crack. With these patients, the best I can do is align with their positive aspects and focus on behaviors that they agree aren’t working. Still, even if one wants to change, progress is limited, with meager gains. My professional advice: Don’t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions they’re capable of the give and take necessary for intimacy. In such relationships, you’ll always be emotionally alone to some degree. If you have a withholding narcissist spouse, beware of trying to win the nurturing you never got from your parents; it’s not going to happen. Also, don’t expect to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all the hoops you must jump through to please them. If a narcissist is draining you emotionally, use these methods to get your power back.

 

Lower Your Expectations and Strategize Your Needs

1. Keep your expectations realistic.

Enjoy their good qualities, but understand they’re emotionally limited, even if they’re sophisticated in other ways. Accepting this, you won’t continue asking something of friends, family, or coworkers they can’t give. Consider this definition of insanity: when you repeat the same actions but expect a different response.

 

2. Never make your self-worth dependent on them.

Don’t get caught in the trap of always trying to please a narcissist. Also, protect your sensitivity. Refrain from confiding your deepest feelings to someone who won’t cherish them.

 

3. Show how something will be to their benefit.

To successfully communicate with narcissists, frame things this way. Stating your needs clearly rarely works, nor does getting angry, or demanding. Alternatively, speak to what means something to them. Instead of saying to your spouse, “I’d really enjoy going to a family dinner,” reframe it as, “Everyone really likes you. They’d be delighted to have you there.” Or instead of saying to your employer, “I’d prefer to work fewer nights,” say, “I can bring in more revenue for your company during these hours.” Naturally, it’s better not to have to contend with the tedious ego-stroking of a narcissist. But if the relationship is unavoidable, use this technique to achieve your desired outcome.

Dr. Judith Orloffhttp://www.drjudithorloff.com
Judith Orloff, MD is the New York Times best-selling author of The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People. Her new book Thriving as an Empath offers daily self-care tools for sensitive people along with its companion The Empath’s Empowerment Journal. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating highly sensitive, empathic people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA and has a popular TEDX talk. Her other books are Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People, The Empowered Empath’s Journal, Emotional Freedom and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Explore more information about her Empath Support Online course and speaking schedule on www.drjudithorloff.com.

Latest

There are so many benefits of yoga for men. Read the following and see why you should hit the mat as soon as possible.
Wise picks for 'Caption This' image Published on 11 November. Click to read more selected captions submitted by our readers.

Editor's Pick

Here is a quick visual personality test that will reveal your communication style. All you have to do is: Look at the optical illusion below and notice what you happen to see first.
They say that only people that are truly detail-oriented will be able to find all six people in this photo – how many can you find?

Popular

Clear your mind, gaze upon the following 6 Sigils and Choose the one that speaks to you most. Read on to find what it means for you
The psychoanalysis test is quick and easy. Its effectiveness is astonishing. All you have to do is read about the first figure that caught your eye. Take a look:
Someone Who Needs Emotional Connection To Feel Sexual Attraction

Latest quotes