How To See Through The Charm Of A Narcissist

 / 

,
charm of a narcissist

The charming and seductive narcissist will charm you easily and captivate your attention to take advantage of you. You can easily be fooled by their charm and become a puppet in their crafty hands.

As a psychiatrist, I strongly believe that it is important to know about the narcissistic personality so you can have realistic expectations when dealing with coworkers, friends, or family members who may have some of these qualities.

In โ€œEmotional Freedomโ€ I describe how to recognize a narcissist. Here are some ways: Their motto is โ€œMe first!โ€ Everythingโ€™s all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention. A legend in their own mind, the world is reflected in their image. Theyโ€™ll corner you at a party, recount their life saga.

Related: Manipulation Of The Charming Narcissist

Some narcissists are unlikable, flagrant egotists. Others can be charming, intelligent, caringโ€“that is, until their guru-status is threatened. When you stop stroking their ego or beg to disagree, they can turn on you and become punishing. Once you catch onto this pattern, a narcissist seems about as charming as a banana peel.

These people are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either havenโ€™t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. (The damage of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly detailed in Alice Millerโ€™s Drama of the Gifted Child).

How To See Through The Charm Of A Narcissist

Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them. Though often highly intuitive, they mainly use intuition for self-interest and manipulation.โ€™ As the Hassidic proverb cautions, โ€œThere is no room for God in him that is full of himself.โ€

To find out if youโ€™re dealing with a narcissist, ask yourself the following questions from โ€œEmotional Freedom.โ€

Quiz: Am I In A Relationship With A Narcissist?

  • Does the person act as if life revolves around them?
  • Do I have to compliment them to get their attention or approval?
  • Do they constantly steer the conversation back to themselves?
  • Do they downplay my feelings or interests?
  • If I disagree, do they become cold or withholding?

If you answer โ€œyesโ€ to one or two questions, itโ€™s likely youโ€™re dealing with a narcissist. Responding โ€œyesโ€ to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is violating your emotional freedom.

Narcissists are hard nuts to crack. With these patients, the best I can do is align with their positive aspects and focus on behaviors that they agree arenโ€™t working. Still, even if one wants to change, progress is limited, with meager gains.

My professional advice: Donโ€™t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions theyโ€™re capable of the give and take necessary for intimacy.

In such relationships, youโ€™ll always be emotionally alone to some degree. If you have a withholding narcissist spouse, beware of trying to win the nurturing you never got from your parents; itโ€™s not going to happen. Also, donโ€™t expect to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all the hoops you must jump through to please them. If a narcissist is draining you emotionally, use these methods to get your power back.

Related: Micromanipulation: How Narcissists Use This As A Method of Control

Lower Your Expectations And Strategize Your Needs

1. Keep your expectations realistic.

Enjoy their good qualities, but understand theyโ€™re emotionally limited, even if theyโ€™re sophisticated in other ways. Accepting this, you wonโ€™t continue asking something of friends, family, or coworkers they canโ€™t give. Consider this definition of insanity: when you repeat the same actions but expect a different response.

2. Never make your self-worth dependent on them.

Donโ€™t get caught in the trap of always trying to please a narcissist. Also, protect your sensitivity. Refrain from confiding your deepest feelings to someone who wonโ€™t cherish them.

3. Show how something will be to their benefit.

To successfully communicate with narcissists, frame things this way. Stating your needs clearly rarely works, nor does getting angry, or demanding. Alternatively, speak to what means something to them. Instead of saying to your spouse, โ€œIโ€™d really enjoy going to a family dinner,โ€ reframe it as, โ€œEveryone really likes you. Theyโ€™d be delighted to have you there.โ€

Or instead of saying to your employer, โ€œIโ€™d prefer to work fewer nights,โ€ say, โ€œI can bring in more revenue for your company during these hours.โ€ Naturally, itโ€™s better not to have to contend with the tedious ego-stroking of a narcissist. But if the relationship is unavoidable, use this technique to achieve your desired outcome.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloffโ€™s Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness


Written by Dr. Judith Orloff MD
Originally appeared on Dr. Judith Orloff MD
How To Not Get Fooled By The Charming & Seductive Narcissist
charm of a narcissist pin
charm of a narcissist pinop

— Share —

— About the Author —

Response

  1. Jit Ram Avatar
    Jit Ram

    Good Article

Up Next

The Psychology Of Narcissistic Injury: How It Wounds A Narcissistโ€™s Ego

Narcissistic Injury Recognizing and Managing the Impact

We all know that narcissists just love to abuse and hurt others. But what happens when a narcissist feels hurt or abused? What happens when their self-esteem and ego gets wounded? Narcissistic injury refers to the emotional trauma a narcissist experiences when they are devalued, rejected and criticized. 

And this can seriously scar the narcissistโ€™s pride, self-worth and self-esteem. In fact, the damage can sometimes be so severe that the narcissist can never actually recover from it, leading to what is known as narcissistic scar.

Note: As narcissism lies on a spectrum, by using the term โ€œnarcissistโ€ we mean to refer to individuals with narcissistic personality traits. However, the severity of


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Breaking Free: The Ultimate Checklist for Ending a Relationship With a Narcissist

Point Checklist For Ending A Relationship With A Narcissist

Ending a relationship with a narcissist is not a very easy thing to do, to be honest. However, ending a narcissistic relationship is important if you want to live a happy and sane life.

In order to achieve this goal, it's crucial to know the steps for leaving an abusive relationship. Let's find out how to end an abusive relationship and how to leave a narcissistic relationship.

Key Points

Leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous time for a victim, as it is when the abuser fears they are losing control.

While not all people with NPD are abusive, if your abuser has narcissistic traits, they could be capable of post separation abuse.


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

What Is An Exhibitionist Narcissist? Breaking Down The Anatomy Of The Attention-Seeking Narcissist

What Is An Exhibitionist Narcissist Traits and Behaviors

Ah yes, narcissists! What a fun bunch of people who abuse you and ruin your relationships and life. While narcissists are horrible to be with as they are, it can be even more difficult to be around an exhibitionist narcissist. But what is an exhibitionist narcissist? 

Letโ€™s take a deep dive and learn how to spot one and protect yourself from their dastardly mind games.

What is an exhibitionist narcissist?

Narcissism is a personality trait and it can manifest in different ways such as the vulnerable narcissist, the closet narcissist, the toxic narcissist, the exhibitionist narcissist and many others. So exactly what is an exhibitionist narcissist?


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

The Narcissist’s Army: How Narcissists Recruit Allies And Manipulate Relationships

Team Narcissist Army Warning Types Of Narcissist Followers

Discover the Narcissist army: Enablers and admirers who fuel their ego and validate their behavior. Are you one of them? Learn more below!

Whilst we consider ourselves omnipotent, mighty and all-conquering it remains the fact that we are unable to do much of what is required to gather our fuel, execute our machinations and exert control without the assistance of our supporters.

These are the people that form the Narcissistโ€™s Army.


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Breaking the Cycle: 7 Strategies To Avoid Falling Into A Narcissistic Relationship Pattern

Narcissistic Relationship Pattern Tips To Break The Cycle

Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? If your answer is yes, then you know how toxic, unhealthy, and emotionally draining it really is. And if you find yourself falling into a narcissistic relationship pattern every time you open up your heart to someone, then this article might be able to help you.

Falling into a narcissistic relationship pattern can be a devastating experience, leaving you feeling depleted, anxious, and helpless. Narcissistic relationships are characterized by an imbalance of power, with one partner seeking constant validation and attention, while the other is left feeling unheard and unimportant.

Dating someone with narcissistic personality disorder is probably one of the most traumatic things you ca


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Decoding the Dark Triad: Recognizing and Differentiating Narcissists, Machiavellians, and Psychopaths

How To Recognize Dark Triad Personality

"Decoding the Dark Triad: Understanding the Differences and Detecting the Traits of Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy"

Have you ever heard of the dark triad personality? Dark triad personalities have a hard time holding onto healthy relationships and tend to exploit others for their own selfish needs. Read on to know more about who they are and how they function.

Key Points

The three Dark Triad personality subtypes are narcissistic, Machiavellian, and psychopathic.

People possessing Dark Triad personalities tend to have unstable relationships and take advantage of others.

One who becomes involved with som

READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

What I Learned From Living With A Narcissistย 

What I Learned From Living With A Narcissist

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? Well there can be long term effects of living with a narcissist, can be emotionally depleting. Read to know more.

Relationships with narcissists revolve around them โ€“ their needs, their entitlement, their vanity, and their moods. Partners are not seen as separate, whole human beings with their own feelings and needs.

Because they lack empathy and think of only of themselves, narcissists feel entitled to control, belittle, and exploit family members in order to boost their impaired self-esteem and maintain their control.

Maintaining power is their primary objectiv


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ