How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved

Deal With Feeling Unwanted Abandoned Unloved


I discovered this the hard way: the more you victimize yourself and romanticize your pain, the more you will stay stuck in cycles of misery and resentment. It’s tempting to use our stories of abandonment and mistreatment to make us secretly feel righteous and special, but the truth is that this does more harm than good. Mourning what we lost is a natural part of the grief cycle, but constantly revisiting and dwelling on our stories is unhealthy and even self-destructive. I’ve found that accepting what happened is vital to the process of inner growth and transformation, WITHOUT self-pity.

Related: 11 Things People With Anxiety Want You To Know


Just as everything in life goes through various stages of maturation, so too does the soul. Why is it that some people are born with old souls, and others remain young at heart until death? I believe the answer lies in something I call soulful maturity. I explore this concept more in-depth in my book. Soulful maturity determines how much capacity we have for forethought, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love – and these factors all have an impact on the way we treat others. For example, some people are naturally pack-orientated and blinded by fear of the “other,” while other groups of people are open, accepting, and peace-making.

So what does any of this have to do with feeling unwanted and abandoned? Well, the point is that some people just don’t have the capacity to be genuinely kind, considerate and faithful – at least for now. They haven’t reached that point in their soulful maturing yet. Thus their behavior can come across as insensitive, reckless, and even cruel.

Understanding that everyone has a different soulful capacity has helped me to personally become a more lenient and forgiving person.


It sounds crazy, right? How can we fill the empty holes within ourselves? Don’t we need other people by default to do that for us? No, we don’t. As children we did, but as adults, we don’t. Unfortunately, many of us still carry the unconscious belief that we need to find another person to help us become whole and complete. But have you ever questioned the validity or truth in this belief? Don’t get me wrong, other people can provide you with immense support and assistance, but they can never authentically fill that void within you. Only you can.

Related: How Children Of Obsessed Parents End Up Feeling Lost and Empty

But how? One of the best ways I have learned to do this (particularly if you were abandoned as a child emotionally, mentally or physically), is by learning how to re-parent your inner child. I explore how to do that in this article. However, if you are dealing with the pain of feeling unloved as an adult (perhaps as a result of divorce or breakup), self-love is the ultimate way to overcome this trauma. I explore how to love yourself in this article.


Learning how to love yourself is hard – so is learning how to re-parent your inner child – however, they are both vital tools that will help you to become vulnerable again, and therefore receptive to giving and receiving love.

What is your opinion on the advice given in this article? Have you managed to deal with your feelings of being unwanted, and if so, how?

Written by Aletheia Luna
Article originally appeared on LonerWolf

How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved
How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved
How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved
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Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a spiritual counselor and professional writer, Luna's mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. See more of her work at lonerwolf.comView Author posts