How To Come To Terms With Feeling Ugly or Unattractive: 5 Tips

come to terms with feeling ugly or unattractive

Do you continually feel that you are ugly or unattractive? No matter how much effort you put into your physical appearance, there’s always that quiet nagging feeling that you still don’t look good?

While enough research has gone into finding out what people consider attractive in other people based on gender, age, income, and various other criteria, one thing is clear. Not everybody matches the “ideal” of being attractive.

Logically speaking, everybody on the entire planet won’t live up to the standards of attractiveness and some may even say, what’s the fuss about it?

But hey, look at the age we live in.

While most of us don’t link our leanings towards attractiveness as being part and parcel of being innately “animal”, day in and day out we send out not-so-subtle messages through our media, our advertising, and our entertainment channels.

What this creates is a constant atmosphere of keeping up with what looks good as well as comparisons with those standards. And one can easily imagine how that affects anyone who does not make the cut at being an “attractive” person.

Now if you break this down further, you might see why unattractiveness is both a real and often an unacceptable thing. Attractiveness is instinctively linked to a better shot at life, mate-finding becoming easier (“better” mates to be found as well) as well as acceptability and validation from other members of the social group. The way the human species has evolved, this drive has become fairly unconscious, despite continuing to dictate many of our survival decisions, from the shadows.

The point though is how do you cope being an unattractive person?

Here are 5 coping strategies that can help you come to terms with feeling ugly or unattractive.

1. Look At Beauty Objectively.

Messages around beauty are so stuffed into our faces that we often forget all that goes into making a person beautiful – great genes, makeup, and even software brushes! Let’s admit that we live in a time of excess where “bigger”, “better”, more” are terms that we have to co-exist with even if they are not being used in every conversation. Like they say, it’s in the air!

What’s really important at such a time is to look at the phenomenon of “beauty” with a keen objectivity. Is it everything? How is it achieved? What are messages around beauty trying to tell us? Is beauty just a matter of convenience? These are questions I often end up asking while going through articles, news stories and while conversing with friends. You’re free to look at the phenomenon the way you want but some amount of distance from it could help you come to terms with your own looks.

Related: How You Need To Talk To Your Daughter About Beauty

2. Consider Beauty Comes With Its Own Issues.

Another message that has often been overplayed is this – everything is taken care of when you’re beautiful. The media creates the narrative that beauty means more happiness, more sex, more friends, more money and the list literally goes on.

The darker aspects aren’t covered – that even beautiful people are often insecure, that the world values other qualities like effectiveness and skills as much or even more than beauty, that beauty fades. As much as these might sound philosophical, the fact is that they are all true.

Ever wondered to what lengths people go to attain a sense of beauty?

Eating disorders are a case in point. In her book “Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence”, Nancy Snyderman talks of how eating disorders can be directly linked with a preoccupation with beauty. Even speaking of less serious beauty-related issues, beautiful people often secretly wonder if they are being accepted and loved only because they look the way they do.

So you see how the grass on the other side isn’t necessarily greener. 

ugly or unattractive
If you feel ugly or unattractive
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