5 Dysfunctional Conversation Types When Delivering Bad News

 / 

Dysfunctional Conversation Delivering Bad News

Have you ever let emotion get the best of you in a difficult conversation?

How to remain calm.

One of the greatest challenges as a manager is delivering bad news. For many managersโ€Šโ€”โ€Šespecially first time, or novice managersโ€Šโ€”โ€Šthe experience of delivering bad news, during a layoff conversation or even a negative performance reviewโ€Šโ€”โ€Šcan be surprisingly emotional. People can feel sympathy for the victim.

They can feel confused or even frustrated or angry about the fact that they have to deliver the message in the first place, especially if itโ€™s a message that they didnโ€™t necessarily endorse in the first place. And they can feel nervousโ€Šโ€”โ€Šsometimes exceedingly nervousโ€Šโ€”โ€Šabout doing something that they know is going to cause pain and discomfort to another human being.

Along with my colleague Joshua Margolis, I have studied these conversations for many years, and one thing we discovered in this work is that when managers fail to keep their emotions in check when delivering bad news, they can fall prey to five different dysfunctional conversation types.

1. Dysfunctional Conversation #1: Bargaining

This is when you allow the conversation to become a negotiation when it really canโ€™t be one. When employees receive negative news, itโ€™s the most natural thing in the world to engage in what one manager in our research study called the โ€œbut why?โ€ conversationโ€Šโ€”โ€Šโ€” โ€œBut why do you have to do this?โ€โ€ฆ โ€œBut why is this necessary?โ€โ€ฆ

โ€œBut why does it have to be me?โ€. But assuming this truly is a message you have to deliver, you canโ€™t as a manager fall into this trap of the โ€œbut whyโ€ conversation. You certainly canโ€Šโ€”โ€Šand should beโ€Šโ€”โ€Šcompassionate with your delivery, but you cannot stray from your message.

Read 7 Ways To Tackle Difficult Conversations

2. Dysfunctional Conversation #2: Cushioning

Youโ€™ve probably seen or heard of an example of someone breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend and being so indirect and obtuse about the message that the person in question doesnโ€™t actually even understand theyโ€™re being dumped!

Thatโ€™s cushioning: where, as a person delivering a negative message, you soften the blow, but in doing so, you actually end up confusing the other person since they have no idea what youโ€™re saying. Youโ€™d think this might be uncommon in the corporate world, but itโ€™s not. In one organization we studied managers were told to mention termination within the first 10 seconds of the meeting in order to guard against this exact dysfunctional conversation type.

Read 7 Conversation Hacks That Will Help You Hit It Off With Anyone

3. Dysfunctional Conversation #3: Unloading

With unloading, the person delivering the message simply canโ€™t control his or her feelings. And they unload: they deliver the message in a hurried, panicked wayโ€Šโ€”โ€Šfreeing themselves of the emotional burden they had been carrying and unloading it onto the victim. And as you can imagine, the message delivered is often less than dignifying and interpersonally sensitive.

Read 3 Tips To Create Conversations That Are Worth Having In Your Workplace

4. Dysfunctional Conversation #4: Arguing

Sometimes people receiving negative news feel itโ€™s unfair. They want to fight back and argue. And as a person delivering the message, you canโ€™t let this happen. You need to control yourself in a way that diffuses a potential conflict instead of fueling the fire.

For example, one company we worked with told managers to: (a) listen, (b) allow employees to vent, but then to restate their message again, clearly and succinctly. It can feel impersonal, but such a method avoids arguing and enables you to actually deliver the message you were intending to.

Read 11 Conversation Killers To Avoid At All Costs

5. Dysfunctional Conversation #5: Mechanizing

Finally, the fifth and final dysfunctional conversational type is mechanizingโ€Šโ€”โ€Šagain, you let emotion get the best of you, but instead of arguing, you detach.

You distance. You go โ€œrobotic,โ€ delivering the message in a stilted, awkward style that, just like the other dysfunctional conversation types is hardly dignifying, albeit for different reasons.

None of us wants to fail at delivering bad news. But unless we learn to control our emotions and recognize these dysfunctional conversation types, itโ€™s unlikely weโ€™ll be able to treat the recipients of our messages with the dignity they deserve.

Have you ever let emotion get the best of you in a difficult conversation?


Written by: Andy Molinsky 
Originally appeared on: Thrive Global
Republished with permission.
Dysfunctional Conversation Delivering Bad News pin
`

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Storytime Adventure: 15+ Must-Read Books For International Children’s Book Day

International Children's Book Day Best Children's Book

Let your inner child rejoice on International Children's Book Day with these best books for kids that will take you on magical adventures and reignite your love for storytelling!

Books have the power to ignite imagination, spark curiosity, and transport us to different worlds. From talking animals to magical lands, from brave heroes to mischievous villains, children's books have the ability to captivate readers of all ages.

So, if you're looking for a way to commemorate this special day, why not pick up one of these 15+ best children's books and take a journey into a world of wonder and adventure?

So grab a cozy spot, and a cup of hot cocoa, and let's dive into the wonderful world of children's literature! Get ready to laugh, learn, and be swept away by these timeless tales and b


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

65+ Serene And Inspiring Beach Quotes That Will Transcend You To Paradise

Inspiring Beach Quotes: Transcend To Paradise

Beach quotes have a way of capturing the essence of the beach, transcending us to a world of serenity, tranquility, and beauty. 

Whether you're chilling with your friends and partners in the sand, watching the sunrise, or diving into the ocean. The beach offers endless opportunities for adventure and relaxation.

So, look no further and take a moment to indulge in the inspiration of these beach quotes, allowing them to remind you of the magic and wonder of the sea, and the incredible ability it has to renew your spirits and bring joy to your life.

Peaceful beach quotes to help you calm yourself


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

The Power of Perception: Why Reading Emotional Expressions is Vital

Understanding Emotional Expressions And Body Language

Understanding emotional expressions and reading body language is crucial to understanding people and their thoughts and intentions. But how to read body language? Let's find that out!

Key Points

Emotions are communicated in movements of the body and gaze.

People perceive intentions, feelings, and appraisals from expressive behavior.

Emotional expressions coordinate social interactions.

Expressive behavior is a core element of emotion that plays an important role in human social interactions (Keltner, 2019). Every day, we spend a significant amount of time observing the


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Exploring the Mind-Bending Magic of The Hermann Grid Illusion: What it Reveals About Your Brain?

The Hermann Grid Illusion Question To Solve This Mystery

Are you ready to put your eyes to the test? Introducing the Hermann Grid Illusion - the mind-bending optical illusion that's guaranteed to have you seeing stars (or, in this case, dots).

But, before we get into the Hermann Grid optical Illusion, letโ€™s learn what it exactly is.

What is Hermann Grid Illusion?

The illusion is named after Ludimar Hermann, a German physiologist who first discovered it in 1870. The illusion occurs because of the way our eyes and brain process visual information.

Hermann Grid Illusion is a


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Capturing Lifeโ€™s Moments: 60+ Timeless And Inspiring Photography Quotes

Inspiring Photography Quotes To Fuel Your Creativity

Explore the beauty of the world with some of the inspiring photography quotes that will make you pause, reflect, and appreciate the world through the lens of a camera.

Over the years, many great photographers have shared their insights and wisdom through their words, inspiring and educating us on the art of photography.

These quotes are sure to inspire and motivate you to see the world through a lens of beauty and wonder.


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

40+ Best Emma Watson Quotes On Empowerment, Feminism, and Gender Equality

Best Emma Watson Quotes On Empowerment Feminism

From promoting women's empowerment to talking about gender equality, here are some powerful and inspiring Emma Watson quotes to invoke positivity within yourself.

A strong woman in every sense of the word, Emma Watson rose to fame with her iconic portrayal of Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series. Since then, she has starred in numerous hit films like Beauty and the Beast and Little Women, captivating audiences with her raw talent and undeniable charisma.

But Emma Watson is more than just an actress. Her work as a UN Women Goodwill ambassador and her involvement in the HeForShe campaign demonstrate her commitment to making the world a better place. Her powerful speeches and quotes serve as an inspiration to all those who aspire to create change and make a difference.

As an English actress, model, an


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

What Your Favorite Color Reveals About Your Personality

Psychology of Color

Do you have a favorite color? Is it red? Purple? Yellow? Or is it black? We all feel naturally drawn towards a particular color. Our favorite color can incite certain emotions and perceptions which can reveal a lot about our true personality and how we navigate through life. 

Color psychology is the study of how human behavior is determined by different shades of color. 

Colors are a powerful psychological communication tool. Certain combinations of colors can subtly influence our thoughts, moods, and emotions.

Your favorite color or the color you are instinctively attracted to can say a lot about your strengths, weaknesses, needs, and attitude that you may not be aware of. 


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ