The transition from angel to devil was quick and unrelenting…or at least seemed that way based on when I finally decided to trust my intuition. But what I do know is that I saw the devil in your eyes the last time I saw you. Unrelenting, unwilling to admit your infidelity or confess to your lies. The cold blank stare of a person with no remorse, no empathy and complete disregard for a heart that was given over to you so freely, so willingly and without hesitation. I looked into your beautiful eyes a million times before, when you needed me, when I needed you and when I wanted you to understand the love and commitment I promised to you. But this time…the last time I looked into your eyes, I saw nothing. Eyes glassed over with indifference. No emotion, no love, no remorse or regret as you lied directly to my face, something only the devil could have pulled off with such expertise.
You are gone now and I accept that and I forgive you. I accept the apology you never offered. I forgive you because I believe that something deep seeded has taken over your mind, something you have no control over caused by some traumatic experience in your life that I can’t and will never understand. Nearly every one of the prayers that I send out every night are for your wellbeing; that you someday recognize your sickness and reach out for the help that you so desperately need and I pray for your recovery. Nobody should be forced to live life isolated and alone, without true friends and family and especially without LOVE. There is not a person on earth that deserves to never know what it feels like to really, truly LOVE another person with their whole heart…and I pray you feel that someday, it is the most amazing and fulfilling emotion a human being can ever feel. Deep down, I believe that somewhere in between the love of my life that proclaimed her unyielding love and devotion to me and the cold, dark stranger with the devil in her eyes…is the real, true authentic person you can be and I promise, I would have loved her just as relentlessly.
For now, broken and battered, I move on. Psyche shattered, outlook on love dimmed, innocence gone, heart on the floor in a million pieces…I move on because I know that I deserve the love that I showed you in return. The one thing you can never take from me is my authenticity, everything else you can have because in the end…empathy, honesty, faithfulness and most importantly LOVE, will always win.