Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing: How To Connect With Your Inner Child

how to connect with your inner child

Two facts: We all have secrets, and most of us have had some wounding tied to our inner child. Perhaps our vulnerable and sensitive inner child needs healing.

Whether our wounding was caused by a childhood friend moving away, physical or psychological abuse, or a broken family, the resulting pain will live with us for the rest of our lives; and we may be reminded of the pain unexpectedly.

If we do inner-child work by connecting to the little boy or girl within us, we can reconnect with some of the reasons for our adult fears, phobias. and life patterns. When we begin to understand them, then magic, healing, and transformation can occur.

When pondering how the inner child gets wounded, author Alice Miller suggested that German philosophers believed in stamping out a child’s exuberance so that adults could control them. In my own European family, the philosophy was definitely that children should be seen and not heard, and I only realized in my adult years how wounding this was.

Related: The Toxicity of Gossip: Why It Hurts Us More Than Anyone Else

When putting the finishing touches on my book, Writing for BlissI decided to include a section on inner-child healing. It wasn’t in my original draft, but I noticed that many friends and colleagues inquired about it, reminding me how healing and transformative it would be to write about and access the wounded child.

Around the same time, I’d just read Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Reconciliation, where the wise Buddhist said that inside each of us is a young, suffering child and that to protect ourselves from future suffering, we all try to forget the pain. Most often, when we feel pain from a deep place within, it’s our inner wounded child who’s calling. Forgetting the pain results in more pain.

inner child wound
Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing: How To Connect With Your Inner Child

Writing about this pain can be one way to heal our inner child and help heal any negative emotions we might be holding on to. Research has shown that the body holds both emotional and physical pain, and even if we try to ignore that pain and forge ahead with our lives, chances are that it will always be there. It might also emerge at the most unlikely times, or during meditation or writing.

Often, the baggage we carry from our childhoods can be very difficult to shake, especially when we’ve been exposed to deep trauma. In my writing classes, I tell participants that it’s difficult to walk around a dark room all the time and that it’s much easier when there’s light streaming in.

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests breathing in and saying, “I go back to my inner child,” and breathing out and saying, “I take care of my inner child.” You can take care of your inner child by writing some dialogue from your inner child’s point of view. This gives a voice to your pain. Sometimes that’s all the pain needs. Other times, it might need to be addressed through deeper psychological work.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.
Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing: How To Connect With Your Inner Child

Acknowledging the inner child means treating him or her with respect and love. You can do so by saying, “I love you,” “I hear you,” “I’m sorry you feel this way,” and “Thank you for being you.”

Related: Thich Nhat Hanh: The Art Of Letting Go and Why It Isn’t What You Think

In his article “Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy: The Inner Child,” Stephen Diamond (2008) advocates acknowledging our inner child and taking him or her seriously. Listening to and communicating with the inner child, whether on paper or during psychotherapy, is also crucial for transformation to occur.

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Diana Raab Ph.D.

Diana Raab, Ph.D. is a memoirist, poet, essayist, blogger, and speaker. She presents workshops in writing for healing and transformation. She has a Ph.D. in Psychology with a concentration in Transpersonal Psychology with a research focus on the healing and transformative powers of memoir writing. Her educational background also includes health administration, nursing, and creative writing. Diana has been writing since an early age. As an only child of two immigrant parents, she spent a lot of time crafting letters and chronicling her life in a journal. As an advocate of personal writing, Diana facilitates workshops in writing for transformation and empowerment, focusing on journaling, poetry and memoir writing. She believes in the importance of writing to achieve wholeness and interconnectedness while encouraging the ability to unleash the true voice of the inner self.View Author posts