My Decree of Self Ownership For My Lovers

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship in your life. Know your needs, dreams, and priorities. Keeping your sense of self in a relationship includes maintaining your individualism in a relationship that can be the hallmark of a healthy relationship.

To my lover, I want to mention that taking responsibility in a relationship is showing respect and honor to your wishes and need, and in return, I want the same too.

What is Sense of Self in a Relationship?

Dear Love,

I can solemnly swear I will not always be something you like. I will fuck things up, for better and for worse. Maybe you will like this fucking up, or maybe not. It is not my job to make you like me, but for me to like myself entirely.

You are not the sun, and our love is not the stars. You are pretty damn great and I dig you hardcore, but you don’t get to be the center of my world anymore.

This means I get to change my mind, my Yes gets to become No, my No might one day be a Yes. Who I am today might not be who I am tomorrow. And I like that. I want to hear from you, and I want to love you, but you wanting me back no longer creates or breaks my joy. I have built-in happiness that no one can reach.

Read: 12 Signs You Are Losing Yourself In Your Relationship

It is not my duty to be sexy or to be pretty or hide my beauty. To shave or not to shave, to gain or lose weight, to cook or not to cook. To make your family or friends like me. To have sex or not to have sex.

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”

My only duty is to be the turned-on, alive, free woman, we both are falling for. My deepest concern is how I am making an impact on the world around me and how I create my legacy. My impact on you and your world comes second, always.

I can promise you that I will leave you if this love begins to feel more like an addiction. I will leave you if your arms become a safe place to hide, instead of a place of transformation.

I will stay as long as we hit the places that need hitting, we crush the ego that needs crushing, we demand excellence from each other that simply is rare in a world where we are taught that love is always meant to feel good.

I will not pay for the wrongs of the ones who came before me. It’s not my job to clean up their mess. And I will promise you I will do everything I can to treat you tenderly and own the messes I do make. I expect you to not let me get away with a thing and honor me with the weight of your body. I can hold you in your fullest vulnerability.

Know I want to hold you in your fullness and see you through your darkness, and I am not your mother. I will not neglect my own needs to make you feel better. If I am hurt, mad, ecstatic, hungry, if I want something, you will know. I have too much to do to waste time on being an elusive mystery. That woman is just not that sexy to me.

I am your lover, and I will ravage you and be ravaged. I will wake you up in the middle of the night to make love, and I will let you sleep in. I will not look away if you are hurting but demand from you a presence and power that I know you can give. That I know you are.

Now let’s go fuck shit up and make holy mayhem of all the gifts we have been given. I will settle for nothing less.

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” – Mandy Hale

Is love as magical as we are told? Do we get a “happily ever after”? Or do we get to a crash course on life? Life is not a fairy tale. And love is NOT the most important thing in the world despite what romantic novels and Hollywood romcoms might have you believe. 

What is of supreme importance is self-love. Loving yourself, understanding yourself, and respecting yourself are of utmost importance for your survival. Doing exactly what your heart desires (despite how weird or crazy it may sound) is your duty and responsibility.

Read: The Most Painful Thing About Heartbreak Is Losing Yourself

You owe it to yourself. You are more important to yourself than anything else in the world and that is exactly how things should be. Love yourself first and foremost. Only then you can love another person.

By Decree of Self Ownership For My Lovers

Written By Maria Palumbo
Originally Appeared On Rebelle Society

“F.L.Y. First Love Yourself. Others will come next.”

Love yourself first, even if you’re madly in love with someone else. Love yourself, even if you have screwed things up. Even if you have made a lot of mistakes. Love yourself because that’s the only way to love your partner. Love yourself because that’s the only way to be happy. Because that’s the only way to live.

You are not allowed to love someone else more than you love yourself. You need to put your needs, wants, dreams and goals before your loved ones’. So choose to love yourself first before you chose to love him more. Self-love will make you more attractive and bring more attraction to your relationship.

Appreciate yourself, your shortcomings, your flaws, and your mistakes. Appreciate everything that makes you, YOU! Be authentic. Be yourself. 

It’s possible to lose yourself in a relationship, but in a healthy relationship, you find yourself. Self ownership in a relationship is actually keeping yourself true in every relationship, it’s time to take charge of your life and your relationship to increase your chances of happiness with your partner

Here’s an interesting video on loving yourself more than loving others: