Are You In A Relationship With A Guilt Tripper? 4 Steps To Deal

relationship with a guilt trippe

Guilt Trippers are world-class blamers, martyrs, and drama queens. They know how to make you feel bad by pressing your insecurity buttons. They use guilt to manipulate so you do what they desire. They like to see you squirm and throw you off your game. This gives them a sense of power and control.

Guilt can be conveyed with words, tone, or even a glance. Guilt trippers like to play dirty. To get their way, they exploit your desire to please them or be a good person. They often start sentences with, “If it wasn’t for you…” or “Why don’t you ever..?” They’ll talk about life being unfair and compare your efforts with others who’re doing it better. “Why can’t you be more like Buster–he’s so good to his wife and is such a hard worker.”

They also remind you of how much they always do for you. After you’ve been guilt-tripped, you may feel two inches tall if you believe these people’s crafty ploys.

Related: 40+ Body Language Signs To Strip Down Someone’s Personality

Are You In A Relationship With A Guilt Tripper? Take This Quiz

To determine if you have a guilt tripper in your life answer Yes or No to the following questions. Then you can use the strategy in this section to protect yourself from being energetically drained by them.

1. Do you know someone who tries to get their way or control you by making you feel guilty? Yes/No

2. Do you know someone who makes you feel “less than” by constantly comparing you to others? Yes/No

3. Do you know someone who acts like an angry victim? Yes/No

4. Do you feel emotionally and/or physically drained after being with someone who is complaining or berating you? Yes/No

5. Do you know someone who you are always trying to please but never seem to do things correctly? Yes/No

Results of the Quiz:

Give each Yes response one point and count up your score.

Your Score: 0

Good news! If you answered “no” to every question then it is unlikely that you are in a relationship with a guilt tripper.

Your Score: 1

If you answered “yes” to one question then there is the possibility that you know a guilt tripper. Be watchful with this person(s) for any other indications and ensure that you address them early in the relationship.

Your Score: 2

There is an indication here that you know someone who is a guilt tripper. Make sure you understand all the ramifications and look for any vampire tendencies.

Your Score: 3

You are in a relationship with someone who has moderate guilt-tripping tendencies. Be very careful of your interactions with them and ensure that you have established good boundaries.

Your Score: 4

This person(s) definitely has guilt-tripping traits. Be very conscious of their manipulations and their ability to drain your energy. Keep your protection up.

Your Score: 5

You have a guilt tripper in your life and chances are this person(s) is also verbally abusive. Can you opt out of the relationship? If not, again set good boundaries and learn the action plan below to protect your energetic well-being.

Related: 5 Types of Narcissistic Blame Shifting

Action Steps To Deal With Guilt Trippers From “The Power Of Surrender”

1. Surrender the notion that you have to be perfect.

The guilt tripper tends to lose interest if you don’t go for their misguided manipulations. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s human. You don’t have to be perfect or squeaky clean. If you hurt someone or made a mistake, accept that you can’t change the past.

But you can make amends when appropriate. Apologize for offending a relative, pay back money owed, or simply convey, “I wish I had been there for you more.” Focusing on solutions instead of wallowing in guilt is a way to surrender to positive forces, rather than succumbing to the pull of negativity.

2. Surrender guilt with tears.

One physical way to release guilt if you’re fixated on a mistake you made or not meeting someone’s expectations is to cry. Do this when you’re alone or with a supportive person.

Tears release stress hormones and help you heal. As you cry, your body expels guilt and tension. This helps you let it all go. Don’t fight the surrender of crying. Let tears cleanse stress from your body.

3. Know your guilt buttons.

No one can make you feel guilty if don’t believe you’ve done something wrong. However, if you doubt yourself, guilt can creep in. Believing you are doing the best you can in a situation can quell any guilt and bring comfort no matter what anyone says.

Related: 4 Abusive Behaviors That Are Not Physical But Equally Damaging

4. Set limits.

Start a conversation positively. In a matter-of-fact tone say, “I can see your point of view. But when you say (fill in the blank) my feelings are hurt. I’d be grateful if you didn’t keep repeating it.”

You might make some topics taboo such as money, sex, or personal appearance. Keep the conversation light, don’t go for their bait, and try to gradually heal your insecurities so you don’t buy into theirs.

Be aware that there’s a difference between healthy remorse and guilt. Remorse is regretting how a situation turned out or how you behaved. Then you can acknowledge the mistake and make amends. You’ll feel genuinely sorry, but you don’t stay stuck there. Guilt, however, is when you become attached to remorse and self-blame, a reverse form of ego where you keep focusing on a “lacking” or a mistake.


Written by Dr. Judith Orloff MD
Originally appeared on Dr. Judith Orloff MD
4 Guilt-Free Steps To Deal With Guilt Trippers In Your Life
relationship with a guilt trippe pin
Ads

— About the Author —



Up Next

BPD Love Bombing: 8 Warning Signs Of Overwhelming Affection

BPD Love Bombing: Unmistakable Signs You Are A Victim

Dealing with the ups and downs of any relationship can be like a rollercoaster ride, but when it comes to BPD love bombing, you might feel like you’re buckled in for the most intense ride without knowing when it’ll stop.

This behavior is known for its strong wave of love and attention—it can knock you off your feet in a confusing way. If you find yourself suddenly the star of someone’s world out of nowhere, chances are you’re experiencing this intense strategy.

Let’s look at the 8 signs that might mean you’ve been caught up in borderline love bombing, all while keeping things light-hearted and insightf



Up Next

How To Deal With Trauma Triggers In A Relationship: 6 Strategies for Healing and Connection

How To Deal With Trauma Triggers In A Relationship: Tips

Ever felt extremely emotional or overwhelmed while interacting with your partner? Do you feel distant or exhausted by specific situations and behaviors of loved ones? Trauma triggers in a relationship can severely affect the emotional and mental health of both partners. That’s why it is crucial for you to learn how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship.

Whether you are dating someone with relationship trauma or you are the one who is dealing with such emotional turmoil, understanding the interplay of trauma and relationships can help you better manage these triggers and build healthier and more positive relationships.

What are Trauma Triggers in a Relationship?



Up Next

Child Parentification: The Cause, Signs, and Recovery

Clear Signs Of Child Parentification In Adults

Ever felt like you were the parent instead of the child? That might be child parentification. Let’s explore its causes, signs, and how to recover together.

The term child parentification was coined in 1967 by family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children.

It can happen when one parent is physically absent or when a dysfunctional family is under stress because a parent cannot perform their parental responsibilities.

Usually, this is due to a phy



Up Next

Are All Romantic Relationships Toxic? 9 Toxic Romantic Signs They Don’t Want You To Know About

Toxic Romantic Signs: Red Flags To Never Ignore

Are all romantic relationships somewhat toxic or can we actually live together happily ever after? As our relationships seem to become increasingly complicated and toxic with every passing day, it is crucial that we learn to identify toxic romantic signs.

Love is a captivating force that pulls two souls together. All of us yearn for a genuine romantic relationship that will inspire us and make us happy. But there is often a darker side to every love story. And if you truly think about it, there is some element of toxicity in almost every romantic relationship. 

Today, let us embark on a journey to explore the intricacies of toxic romantic love and understand why all relationships are toxic.

What is Toxic Romantic Love?<



Up Next

What Is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment: 5 Alarming Traits And Ways To Cope

What Is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style: Traits

Are you or someone you care about finding it tough to open up about feelings and build close connections with others? Despite your best efforts, you seem to self-destruct in relationships.  If these scenarios sound familiar, you might be dealing with what is dismissive-avoidant attachment

This pattern often begins in early childhood and is not something one can consciously control. Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style might not fully understand why they face challenges in relationships or tend to distance themselves from intimacy.

The good news is that there are ways to navigate and overcome these struggles. In this article, we’ll delve into the dynamics of dismissive-avoidant attachment, offering insights and st



Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal



Up Next

8 Telltale Signs You’re The Placeholder In A Relationship — Don’t Ignore Them!

Are You The Placeholder In A Relationship? Clear Signs

After an entire year of being together, you end things with him only to see his “Facebook official” relationship status pop up with another girl — the same boy who said labels don’t exist, mind you! So, what’s going on? Well, you might be the placeholder in a relationship that you thought was fully reciprocated all along.

And it really was just a charity case from him, hoping that you’d be the one to call it quits so he’d feel less guilty. That’s what it means to be in a placeholder relationship. 

When you’re in it, there’s no way for you to see the reality of what position you’ve put yourself in. So, if truth is what you seek and an unrealistic future dream isn’t enough for you anymore, here are eight proving signs of a placeholder relationship.